Why does he have his cock out?

Balls State

2010-11-08T21:22:00.000-05:00

Several months ago, amid a night of sitting around a fire, participating in certain things, my dear friend Sam began to speak of the troubles he has in finding friends to travel with him to his alma mater, Ball State University. I suggested that I might have an interest in pursuing such a trip with him sometime in the future, due to my need for social activity and constant approval of people I hardly know. He instantly became enthralled at the idea of taking me up to Muncie with him and insisted that I let him know when I had a weekend free for such a journey. All I had to do was ask to have a weekend off from work, and we'd be set.

For some time, I had been planning on attending the birthday celebration for my other dear friend, Kate. Her constant coquetry and sense of humor kept me interested, so I promised to be in attendance at the gathering at a certain downtown Indianapolis bar for the celebration of her existence. The date set for the party was the ninth of October. I had been looking forward to it ever since attending the same celebration the year prior, and I knew she had been looking forward to seeing me there even more.

The week before that of Kate's birthday I received an SMS text message from Sam: "Take next weekend off you asshole. It is Ball State's homecoming and you will be going there with me." I had a decision to make. On the one hand, I care deeply for Kate, my ex future roommate. On the other hand, I really need to get out and meet some new people and get really drunk and make an ass out of myself. In the end, I decided to do the right thing. I picked up the phone and texted my future roommate, telling her something had suddenly come up and I wouldn't be able to make it to her party. It pained me to have to do so, but I had a feeling it would bring us closer together in the end. I was wrong about that. Long story short: she's dead now.

It comes time to leave for our trip, and we do a couple things on the way there. We eat, we watch Sam's brother's football game that he isn't playing in because of an injury. We go to meet Sam's dad in the parking lot behind the school. Sam suggests what we are all thinking: that his dad is about to murder the three of us and harvest our organs. This turns out to not be the case, and we are all grateful.

From there we go to a Marsh somewhere. The bitch at the office won't punch in a goddamn card for us, so I slapped her in the face. We got out of there pretty quick. There was a girl service clerk taking out the trash who kept eye fucking Sam, so we helped Sam throw that bitch in the dumpster. We don't put up with eye fucking; that's sexual harassment, and sexual harassment isn't cool. You sexually harass, you get killed. That's the rule.

Later that night, Sam got into a heated debate on his Android smart phone. I wish I could recall what it was he said that was so funny, but I just can't seem to find that memory.

Around this time, everyone starts drinking. I think I left out the part where we arrive at the house, but that is exactly where we are. I'm drinking. Other people are drinking. We go to the liquor store at some point to get some more drink, and I get even more drunker after that. I eat a bunch of food from the people's fridge while they are not looking. Finally, I convince Sam to get the fuck out of that house and try to look for some women. Sadly, by this point, I was a little too fucked up to really be in control of my actions.

By the time we got to the bar, I was ready to do something else. I'm not sure what it was I exactly wanted to do, but I walked out of the bar and quickly found myself not knowing where I was.

I walked around a bit, and I eventually heard someone yelling some shit at me. I turned to investigate, and I found that it was a young man standing on a porch at a house party. I approached the person and convinced him that I meant him no harm. I said a few things to him, then another guy came out and told us we had to go inside. My next memory is being in the bathroom at the same house (I think) with a few other people. As I walked out, I realized that I didn't know anyone, and I wasn't in any shape to be making new friends. I left.

After strolling around a bit, I ended up hearing someone else yelling at me. This time, it was a girl and a guy. I approached the two, and the girl assured me she would paint my face for free. It sounded like a good deal at the time. She painted my face and we talked; about what, I have no idea.

Anyway, I'm only about one fourth of the way through this story, and I'm gonna go ahead and call it quits. It's taken me around a month of writing this, and I'm using way too many inconsequential details, and I think it's totally gay, and I haven't even written about the funny parts of the trip. Fuck it. Don't read this post.

Cock Nugget

2010-10-16T13:55:00.000-04:00

I would just like to start by saying I have nothing against Muslims. My beef in the past was with Comedy Central. Muslims acted as they do, Muslim extremists acted as we expect them to and Comedy Central acted like pussies as we expect them to, but they did it far more than they reasonably should have. Again, I don't hate anyone, unless you want to consider Comedy Central a person.

Dick Ripple

2010-08-11T18:44:00.000-04:00

On my latest outing to Broad Ripple, I ran into several people that I have known throughout my life. It was nice to see them and hear them talk about my big penis. I also ran into three people I didn't know. These were the most intriguing people to talk to, because the approached me as if they knew me. Upon investigating their intentions, I found that it was actually my penis they knew and not so much the person behind the penis. After spending some time thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that people are more interested in knowing my penis than they are me. It makes sense. My penis is far more attractive than me and has a much better personality. It is for this reason that I have decided to start living my life vicariously through my penis.

On 200

2010-04-21T19:16:00.000-04:00

I wrote a lot of shit here, so, if you don't want to read all or any of it, at least have a look at the videos I've posted down below..

South Park's 200th episode aired last week to high expectations. The creators of the show had assured everyone that they would be packing every single person they have ever made fun of into a single 22 minute episode and be done with it. This turned out to not be the case. We were left with several cliff-hangers by the end of the episode, leaving loose ends to be tied up in a future episode.

The celebrities were all there, Tom Cruise leading the others. South Park tends to stir up some controversy every now and then, but this time it was Tom Cruise at the heart of the problem. After years of putting up with bullshit from the town of South Park, Tom has decided to lead all the shows victims to sue the town for everything it's worth. But where is the controversy in that? I'll tell you where it is. Tom Cruise has other plans up his sleeve. As it turn out, Tom Cruise wants to use the pressure on South Park as a means for him to get a chance to see in person someone he has always wanted to meet: the prophet Muhammad.

Muhammad seems like an obvious character to include in such an episode of South Park. He had been depicted previously in the show, uncensored, in episode 504: "Super Best Friends." Here he played alongside other religious figures as superheroes, whose job was to take down the evil David Blaine and his religion, Blaintology. From that season on, Muhammad could be seen in the show's opening sequence at the beginning of every episode, even the episode in which Comedy Central censored to prevent any type of retaliation from crazy Islamic groups. This episode was in response to both the Jyllands-Posten contoversy, after having printed cartoons of the prophet Muhammad, and comparisons the show had received to Family Guy. In the show, the Family Guy writers have decided to show Muhammad for shock value. Comedy central censored the image in the second part of the episode, and everything was fine. In response to Comedy Central's decision to censor the image, the creators ended the show with Jesus Christ and George W. Bush defecating on the United States flag. While the meaning of this seems obvious to me, I sometimes hear others talk about how random and senseless the ending is. So, to quickly point out the obvious...

In America, we have a freedom of religion. Despite this, many of our citizens believe us to be a Christian nation, and to a great extent, we are. The Muslim world has proven several times to be against America, and has also shown that its ways are almost entirely incompatible with the freedom available in the United States. Matt Stone and Trey Parker show us, despite all of the things we worship as Americans, Comedy Central is more willing to bend to the demands of our enemies than it is to care about attacks on the United States.

So, for the 200th episode of South Park, Matt and Trey brought back the subject of free speech for us, versus the ability to prevent free speech on the part of religious extremists. The first image we get of Muhammad is a stick-figure drawing, to which one of the characters asks, "Is that okay to show?" It seems to me that this would be offensive enough to Muslims, but South Park wasn't done. The boys end up tracking down Muhammad, who is again censored from the show, but the characters come up with a great idea: putting him in a bear suit so he could be shown without being shown. This is where they made a mistake. It wasn't long until the Muslim nutcase website, Revolution Muslim (it has been down a lot lately, but if you really want to go there, Google has a cached copy), threatened (nearly guaranteed) death to the creators of South Park. Anderson Cooper did a great piece on it last night:

Bill O'Reilly also did a little something on the subject:

So, what happens now? There is a follow-up episode due to air tonight at 10 pm. One of three things will happen on the new episode.

Matt and Trey are going to reveal that the person is the bear outfit isn't really the prophet Muhammad, and the Muslim radicals are still going to look like assholes like they always have.
Matt and Trey are really going to try to go all out to drive the point home.
Matt and Trey are going to try to take the situation further, and Comedy Central is going to puss out once again and censor the show to prevent anymore madness.

The show will air in just a few hours, and we are going to find out whether the terrorists win or not. After that, I might end up blogging about the outcome. And I will probably go on a rant on the Muslim overlords ruling this country. We'll see.

You can watch all of these episodes for free at http://www.southparkstudios.com/

Goddamn Aardvark. You Funny, Girl.

2010-04-07T17:09:00.000-04:00

So, I've been using Aardvark since it was acquired by Google, and it's been working out really well so far. I can honestly say it is way better that Yahoo! Answers. What Aardvark does is, instead of having you come to its website to browse through questions you might know the answer to, it actually has you list topics you know a lot about, and when someone has a question about one of your topics, Aardvark sends the question to you in an email, and you simply respond if you have an answer. Aardvark has always given me good questions in the past, but I got a question on easter that made me scratch my head. What had happened was, I had previously allowed Aardvark access to my Facebook account, and as a result it was able to crawl my profile to pick up on other things I might know about.

From Aardvark:

Hi Blaire,

Nate just asked a question I think you might be able to answer.

What is a good live flowering plant to buy a mother for Easter? That can be found quickly
- Nate G. 36 / M / San Francisco, CA

To answer, just reply to this email.

If I don't hear from you soon, I'll ask someone else -- but you can answer anytime.

- Aardvark

Now, I don't know much about flowers other than the fact that that's where we get vanilla. I had to look at the bottom of the email to find out what had given Aardvark the idea that I was a good person to ask on this subject. "I sent you this question because you have *Taking my clothes off in church* in your profile." Good call, Aardvark.

Lyfe of Brian

2010-04-06T18:03:00.001-04:00

For the three of you who realize that I have changed my name to Brian, here is the explanation. If you were expecting something sweet and awesome as shit, I'm sorry. You won't find that here.

After seeing Steve (I think his name is Steve) many times at work, where he can clearly see my name tag, it dawned on me that he hadn't been calling me Brian because he thought it was funny. He really thought my name was Brian.

The other day, a man who often comes in to send faxes called and asked me a question. I answered him, and he asked if I was Robert. I assured him I wasn't Robert, and he asked me if I was Craig. I told him I wasn't Craig. He then asked me if I was Brian. We have a Robert and a Craig, but no Brian (R+C+-B). I knew that he must have been talking about me when he said Brian. I assured him at this point that he was actually talking to Judy. He further tried to find out who I (Brian) really was, but I wouldn't back down from my Judy story. He finally gave up and I was able to go about my shit.

Later in the day, I started thinking about how often people call me Blaine and Blake and stupid shit like that. I don't have a problem with my name being Blair or having people come up to me and telling me that their granddaughters are named Blair or that they think my name is exotic. I like that shit. What I don't like is being reminded of how fucking stupid people are when my name is on a goddamn tag right in front of them, and they still call me stupid shit. So, I have decided to fix this problem by selecting my most popular name: Brian.

Please, be aware that I will no longer respond to Blair. I will respond with a smile and nothing else (which means I just lied). I will now only respond to my God-given names: Brian & @TheRealJohnKing.

Tom Short Evolution

2010-04-02T01:31:00.001-04:00

I was heading to my logic class, and on the way there, I came upon a group of people situated outside the entrance I use to get into the building. There was a guy addressing the crowd, and I didn't really care to know who he was or what he had to say. I find that people who want to be heard usually have nothing but stupid shit to say and are only talking because they are assholes. This guy might be an asshole or he might not. I don't know for sure, because I'm still not familiar with him. Anywho, I'm walking up the steps to go into the building, and I hear someone shout something alone the lines of, "Why are you here again saying the same bullshit you said yesterday. It's all just bullshit, and you just like to tell us this bullshit, and you don't give anyone with a different opinion to talk." This young fat boy seemed angry, and this is something I rather enjoy. Why is he angry? I thought to myself. The answer is likely because he's fat, but there is also a part of me that understands where he was coming from.

When someone claims to have the answer about something abstract like the existence of a god, and they come up with things to support their conclusion, many people surely can see where this type of logic (illogic) is flawed. The realize that building evidence to support a conclusion is ridiculous in such terms, but they don't seem to know how to explain why it is so ridiculous. This idea in particular seems like a good enough argument to get things started to me, yet when I heard the young man and other heckling the speaker, they never had a response to anything he had to say after their initial outbursts. I would assume that they are speaking up because they have logical thoughts to add to the discussion, but they just don't follow through once they've entered the field. There are two possibilities I have come up with to explain this problem: when someone starts speaking up, they don't really have any idea what they're talking about and just want top fuck shit up, or they do have something worth adding but don't know how to present it in front of other people. To be honest, the preacher didn't seem life-threatening to me, and I had no reason to stick around when I had homework I needed to do. When I really think about it, he was only preaching to the choir and to those who didn't have the sense to pick up a real book and learn about reality.

I went to class and borrowed a book from someone, because I found this morning that I had lost my book. While I was working on my homework, I received a text from my highly homosexual friend, Alex Miller. He asked me if I had seen Tom Short on campus the day before, and from what I read on Google Voice, I responded, "Hahaha. Dude, you will enjoy my story kinda." I'm not sure what the hell I was talking about, and I guess Alex won't enjoy the story kinda since I don't remember what it was. I'm guessing it wasn't that great a story anyway based on my using the word kinda.

After class, I exited the same way I came in. Tom Short was still out there preaching whatever he was trying to preach, and I instantly heard someone yelling something stupid out like it was something to do. Tom then began telling everyone he hoped they would go to heaven. Everyone was blocking my way in every direction, so I was forced to walk right through the middle and impose on his stage. This would have been the perfect opportunity for me to say something had I wanted to. At the time, I didn't care one way or the other what was going on, so I just passed through. I have shit to do, and I've waisted plenty of my life listening to assholes argue about whose ideas are God's ideas and why people should do shit. I just didn't really care. This is America, as they say, and I was just fine with him being there saying what he wanted to say.

I walked to the computer lab to print out some papers I need to read for a class, and I ran into an old friend from a class I had taken last semester. I already knew this guy was a Xian, so I wasn't surprised when he started talking to me about the "soldier" on campus. I knew exactly what he was talking about, and I was upset that it had come up. This friend (I don't know his name, btw) is a good guy, and I hate having to listen to friends say stupid shit. I hate hearing it, because it's hard to tell them you don't really give a shit about what they have to say, because you're supposed to be friends with them and be there to listen to them and rub their backs and suck their dicks. After I told him I had seen the soldier, he proceeded to tell me who he was talking about as if I hadn't just told him I knew who he was talking about. "He's God's soldier." Anyway, he starts laughing about Tom and shit, then he tells me he's a Xian and everything, and then he starts saying something else. I believe he was about to tell me what he thought was so odd about Tom, but he changed the subject to the ignorant motherfuckers on campus. I thought Oh shit to myself, because I had a feeling that this guy was gonna start saying people who believe in reality are ignorant motherfuckers. I can take a lot of stupidity, but criticizing logical people for being logical is where I draw the line. "These motherfuckers just stand there and shout, "Fuck you, God's not real you fucking retard," is what he really said to me. Totally not what I was expecting. I was surprised by how much I agreed with him; though, I'm sure my reasons were different from his. At this point I let him know that I agreed, "Yes, because even though God isn't real, it doesn't mean he's a retard." I knew this would set my friend off. "Not only that, but he has a right to be here saying what he has to say just like anybody," he responded. At this point, my head started spinning (not literally, but that would have sweet). I like talking to religious people who aren't completely crazy, thinking the voices they hear are the only things that matter in life. My friend was a religious person, yet he still had sense in him. We may not have agreed on our reasoning, but we were still able to agree on our reasons.

As I was driving home, I started thinking about how I felt about everything that had happened during my day. I thought about how I didn't care that a man came to campus and started preaching things to explain a world he didn't understand. It is a university, so most people are there learning about the real world anyway. They don't really need someone who doesn't know to give them answers to questions that they were probably learning about anyway. Still, people ask a lot of stupid fucking questions, like "If God is real, then why do people suffer?" That shit's deep (not). There's a real world here, and shit happens. Here's a better question: "Wouldn't it be weird if there wasn't any suffering in the world?" Think about it. Let's say someone is in a car accident. Let's make it a head on collision at 100 miles per hour. Now, some people question why there is suffering in the world, when it is quite obvious that if bad shit happens to people, some magical force should come and save the day. The man or woman who was just killed, to these people, logically should have come out of that shit without a scratch if there really was a God.

My example of suffering in the world doesn't really get at what I'm trying to say here, but it's a foundation. I wasn't using the example to show that God wouldn't exist in a world without suffering; I merely wanted to point out that people ask stupid questions when they don't know how to deal with the emotions of life. When something bad, like a fatal car accident, happens, people need to have someone or something to blame. They for some reason can't deal with the fact that we are just bouncing around space-time, and shit happens. Shit just happens. When someone tragically dies (as opposed to non-tragically dying) many people either need God to be there to take the blame for what happened. Others like to have God not be there as a means of explaining what happened. We see examples of this type of logic on huge scales rather often. The best example I can think of in recent history is 9/11.

After 9/11(/2001, just to be clear), people took to the internets to talk to (supposed) scientists to find out what really happened on that day and who was really behind the attacks. 9/11 was such a huge deal, that many people didn't know how to deal with the idea that we weren't prepared for a bunch of loser terrorists to jump down from their monkey bars and attack us from within our own country. Despite the overwhelming evidence that 9/11 happened the way it was said to have happened, there were plenty of people willing to ignore this for the strange idea that George Bush (our god in this story) was the one to blame. Even though evidence that George Bush was behind 9/11 was almost entirely nonexistent in comparison with the evidence that Osama bin Laden was the mastermind, people still wanted to cling to the idea that it had to have actually been Bush. Some people don't understand the world they live in, so they decide that God must be behind everything. Other people don't understand 9/11, so they look to George Bush and say, "I don't get it. It must have been George Bush. How do people get to the point where they think their lack of understanding gives them reason to make something up and tell others that they have the answer?

If you are thinking this is the shit I was thinking about on my way home from school, you're wrong. I was going to talk about that, but I ended up on some dumbshit tangent. I'm not sure how I got here or where I was going, so let's just back the fuck up an get back to where I really wanted to go. I should warn you right now that everything I've said up to this point has been bullshit, and if you've read this far, I'm not giving you a refund on however much of your life you just wasted.

I want to go back to the campus evangelist who visited my school today (I hope to wrap this shit up soon). On my way home, he got me thinking about what really is wrong with people believing in magic and trying to convince other people to believe in it too. Really, I don't care what people's personal beliefs are. I'm have a pretty libertarian view on people's personal rights. I think people should not only be able to think what they want, but I also think they should mind their own fucking business when it comes to other people. This presents me with a huge problem.

When someone tells me there really is a God, I might be slightly annoyed that someone is saying stupid shit to me, but I'm fine with them believing what they want. I realize that while there might be a god (it's safe to say no one really knows) it is laughable to suggest that a god that entirely a creation of man would just happen to be the real god. It would also be ironic. The only god I've really had a chance to study is the god (one might say gods) of the Abrahamic religions. I've searched for any evidence that this god might really exist, but all evidence people have for thinking this (these) god(s) exist either prove just the opposite, are purely subjective or just don't make sense period.

Goddammit, I'm getting way off topic again. This blog post is supposed to just be about my day, and I keep fucking it up. I'm sorry.

The problem with religion is this. People in the United States vote on shit. In the southern part of our country (and a few other places) people seem to think that reality threatens the existence of God. People think this, and they vote to try to have their ideas taught in public schools. There are many subjects I could relate this to, but the thing I was thinking about on my drive home was Darwin's theory of evolution by means of natural selection.

As I think I explained earlier, I have a problem with people taking an idea based on little or no evidence and designing evidence to support their idea. For many religious people, there is an issue with scientists observing nature and coming up with logical conclusions based on the real evidence. Most people who are against any theory of evolution have no idea about what it really is or how it works. Some people understand it and are still entirely against it. Evolution is something that is always being built upon, and because there will always be things to discover, there are holes in the theory. When some people see that there are holes in a theory, they decide to use that as a way to prove that there is a creator. They do this, because there is always an answer with God. They don't have holes in their theories, because their theories are not based on facts. If there is nothing there to begin with, then there is nothing there to have holes in. Since evolution has holes, it is wrong.

Suppose we are looking at a house, and the house has windows. It is a really nice day outside, so the windows are open. Suppose also that there are two men standing in front of the house, arguing over their beliefs about the house. One man claims that the walls of the house are standing. This isn't a belief for him, because he can observe the house standing right in front of him. It is is a matter of acceptance rather than a belief. The man standing next to him disagrees. He is quick to point out that the walls contain holes. It doesn't matter to him that he can see the walls standing even though they contain windows. He feels threatened by the house, because his religion doesn't say anything about the house standing. When he sees an open window, he sees it as open for interpretation. He sees it as a gap in the house, and, instead of observing how the house can still stand with windows cut into its walls, he instead chooses to fill the gaps with his god and ignore the rest of the house. After putting God in the picture, he claims that he has proven the rest of the house wrong, thus concluding that it can't really be standing.

If claiming a house with windows is a house that can't stand sounds stupid as fuck to you, then you would likely have no problem with evolution. If, on the other hand, you feel that you can replace with something real with something that is made up only because there a pieces of the puzzle missing, then you are retarded as fuck and need to stop voting. It is fine that you want to believe what you want to believe, and you could even follow reality alongside your beliefs, as many religious people do. If you're one of these people, just get the fuck over yourself and stop trying to push your ridiculous ideas on children. You're free to speak your mind in this country, but you really need to consider that your choice might affect children and cause the retardation to spread.

Breastmilks

2010-03-23T16:17:00.003-04:00

I've had a good day today. It's so good I feel compelled to write a blog about it. I can't remember the last time I blogged, but I know it will be at least two years before I do it again.

I arrived at my first class today 20 minutes late. I normally only allow myself to be five minutes late to a class, because I wait until the last minute to do any assignment for any class. This usually leads to me being late by a minute or two. Today, however, I was quite sure I had an annotated bibliography due. I needed to have at least five sources listed on this bibliography, and finding sources and keeping up on MLA citation format (I also had to decide what I would write my paper over) took longer than I expected. Instead of spending ten minutes on the process, I spent 30.

I'm drinking a Samuel Adams Noble Pils. It's hoppy as shit, but (I mean and) I like it.

Anyway, I got that shit done, and Google Docs made my margins too big. I wasn't all that upset about it; it's never gotten me in trouble in the past. By the time I got that shit printed out I was already 19 minutes late. I don't know why, but I just haven't been getting worried about shit lately, so I didn't really mind being late for class. I ran down the stairs and made my entrance. No one seemed to notice. I pulled out my syllabus to find out what we were doing in class, and I noticed that it said the annotated bibliography wasn't due until goddamn Thursday. Boy did I feel like a dick loushe.

I had trouble staying awake through the movie we watched in class, and I felt as though it would never end. Finally, it did end, and the professor announced he had finished grading our midterm exams. I was nervous, as I always am, because I always go into exams without really having any knowledge of what is going on. Usually my fantastic writing skill are enough to earn me an A or a B, but I still feel every time that I am going to fuck up big time (sometimes I do). Boy was I surprised to find that he had left me several comments in the margins of my essays stating, "Very good," and, "Good," and "Excellent!" At the end I was even more surprised to find, "100% Excellent!" I've never received a 100 percent on an exam in any of this professors courses. I was very happy about this shit. I left that class hoping my midterm that I was likely to get back in my next class wouldn't ruin my good day.

My next class was logic. To make up for my tardiness in Film History, I arrived 50 minutes early. I spent my time tweeting and reading emails and blog posts on ZDNet. When the teacher walked in, he announced that there were 11 As on the test and only one 100 percent. This was very sad to me, because I was hoping to get a 100 percent on the test, and there is one girl in the class who does slightly better than me. I think that's hot and I want to fuck her, even if she isn't that attractive physically. I got my second surprise of the day when my test had a 48 with a circle around it on the last page. There were only two Fs in the class on this test, and I told the gild sitting next to me that it was my first F in the class. I explained that the 48 was probably my percentage. I was only kidding, and I knew for a fact that the test was out of 48 points. I thought about asking him who got the 100 percent so he could tell me I was the one to get it in front of the whole class. I decided against this mode of action because there are several stupid people in my class, and I don't think I could take them all at once (sexually) if I were to trod on their freedom as Americans.

Walking out of class, I decided to call my dear friend Jessica to tell her the good news. She didn't answer, and I hope it wasn't because she had died before I could talk to her. That would be sad. I decided in stead to blog about it with block paragraphs.

The sad thing is, I'm only going to get a B on my next returned midterm exam, because it was take-home, and the two hours I left myself before it was due wasn't long enough to answer every question and span the required eight pages. Oh well. I guess a B will have to do. I'm just going to kill myself now is all.

Holy Shit

2009-03-05T12:07:00.000-05:00

I've Been

2009-02-04T14:02:00.001-05:00

Sleeping better at night. I am sitting here, getting a shitload of work done. I'm not falling asleep. I feel really good. I must kill myself.

Nothing News

2009-01-25T16:21:00.004-05:00

So there's been some exciting news lately, in terms of computer storage. The first big piece of news is Western Digital's world-first 2TB hard drive. It's not all that amazing, however; considering inexpensiveness and the rate of advancement of C drives, I think Google could have a much better offer if they can deliver on the highly anticipated GDrive. The Obama white house staff would surely be supportive of such a project, considering their early support of Google. One might argue that it could be insecure for them to store important information on Google servers, but if anything bad were to happen, they could always play a little Tetris to help them through the tough times.

Happy 9/11

2008-09-11T23:19:00.001-04:00

To celebrate, southparkstudios.com has released this.

I hope everyone had a happy 9/11. We'll see you again next year.

Title

2008-09-10T12:27:00.002-04:00

Google finally got this fucking thing off the ground. I guess it takes a while to get all the needed licenses to digitize millions of newspapers.

I got to see Jupiter through a telescope for the first time last night. Its moons were lined op on its left. That was neat.

That's all, I guess.

Cuntfries

2008-09-06T16:05:00.003-04:00

So, here's the dill. We don't have a lot of time. I have to be at work in 30 minutes.

Remind me to talk about 105 later.

I was doing some research on current web browser news, and I found this shit, which reveals IE 8's resource consumption to be greater than that of XP. You read that right--all of XP. NO bullshit. It says a lot about where we are going with our web browsing experiences.

A while back, The Onion reported on Google's intentions for a Navy presence.

It turns out they were right (and by right, I mean joking).

Google Chrome

2008-09-04T13:23:00.003-04:00

Google released its new Chrome browser a few days ago. When I went to download it, I got a message saying the Linux version had yet to be released, and they would get back to me upon it's release if I left my email address. I knew they already have my email address on speed dial, but I left it just the same. So I come home from school (IUPUI, btw) today and decide to download this new browser on my parents' computer. It didn't take long for my dick to get hard. We're talking rill hard. And I don't think I'm the only one.

It's unclear how this is affecting other browsers at this point, but it can't be good new (and I mean new) for IE.

A few of my favorite Chrome features:

-Goddamn Google Chrome task manager (Yes, it has it's very own goddamn task manager. (Shift+Esc)

-Incognito browsing

-Right-click, "Inspect element"--goddamn awesome

-I've only been using it about five minutes, so I don't know a whole lot about it.

The only thing I dislike so far is the lack of spell check, but I'm sure it will be implemented, if it hasn't already. If it already has, I don't know where to look for it. We are still in beta with this, after all. And we will probably be that way for a few years (knowing Google).

Links

New Goddamn Myspace Bulletin

2008-06-26T19:03:00.001-04:00

Gotten laid this week? if by this week, you mean next week, no

Ever had sex in a public place? yeah, the floor

Ever laugh during sex? i laugh when i fart, so, yes

Ever cry during sex? IF SO, WHY? yes, because her pussy smelled like onions

Do you like to cuddle after sex? i love to cuddle with my victims

Ever regret sex with someone? every day

Ever faked an orgasm? i faked someone else's orgasm

Dirty talk or stfu? talk stfu

Ever have unprotected sex? never had protected sex

Ever masturbate to your friend's significant other? as long as my friend's significant other is me

Ever have a threesome? i've never had a twosome

Ever watch porn during sex? i watch cnn during sex

Ever thought of someone else during sex? jesus

Has the condom ever broke? i'm sure it's happened before

What's your most embarrassing sexual experience? the time i came all over her face and didn't realize she was a guy

How old were you when you lost your virginity? 21.

Who would you like to have sex with right now? Brandon. Or Chris Martin... :p

Do you like to 69? i just 6

Are you horny now? probably

How many sexual partners have you had? One too many

Do you like sex in the car? i like beer in the car

Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? i try not to

Ever been with a cheater? yes

Toys. Good or bad? as long as the kids put them away when they're done playing, it's fine

Lingerie? chatte rose

t...Time...to leave?

2008-01-26T21:34:00.000-05:00

I got my first issue of Time today. I'm very excited. For seriously, more than normal excited. This is just a few days after getting my first issue of Newsweek, but I've already read more of the Time. It's not that I like Time more than Newsweek; I just haven't had time (normal time) to read my Newsweek. Now, I know what you're thinking--Goddammit Blairre, if you had time to read Time, then hows come you couldn't fine newsweek (time) to read Newsweek?

So, here's the situation (no bullshit). Newsweek isn't as good as Time. Actually, it might be better. I don't know. I never gave it a chance. I really haven't had the time for it until today, when my dad threw this weeks issue of Time at me. Well, John McCain was on the cover, which beat out the President Bush cover of Newsweek. Not that Newsweek has a bad thing going here; it's obviously depicting Bush as a loser with a capital "R" (though, how else could one really depict him?). But 4rill, I'll get there. One thing at a time. It isn't easy to read Newsweek while writing a blog, IMing, doing one's part in the study of protein folding, and reading the business section of Time. On top of all that, I've got bills to pay of until I go back to school in the fall, so I really don't owe anyone an explanation.

I know it mean little publishing these word here, but John McCain needs to be the candidate on the Republican ticket in 2008 (2008). I don't agree with all of his views, but he's definitely the least likely of the Republican candidates to continue destroying the libertarian ideals of our forefathers. We need to stop fucking with these goddamn traditionalists. While the rest of the world is making progress, we're still debating whether or not evolution can be backed up with the teachings of the bible. What the fuck is wrong with people? I think we all need to make a pact right now to take at least one stupid person a week, and make them read a fucking book. Everyone needs to do this. Stupidity spreads like wildfire. It won't go away on it's own. It's going to be a hard fight. Hard because it will never end. People should need to be tested before they're allowed to vote. I know a lot of what I'm saying here is contradictory, but really, fuck stupid people. And I shouldn't really be singleing out any groups here, I've met dumbasses all across the board. They travel in large numbers. The good thing is they're always happy express openly their flaws.

Goodnight.

Why Juno Sucks Ass

2008-01-14T13:08:00.000-05:00

For the past few weeks I've been hearing from all sorts of lifeforms how fantastic Jason Reitman's film, Juno, is. I first heard of the film from my boss, Jamie. I said, "My brother saw Sweeney Todd last night; he said it was one of the best movies he's ever seen." Jamie responded, "It's a musical. I saw Juno; and it was one of the best movies I've ever seen." It was the first time I had ever heard of Juno. Jamie has pretty good taste in good, so I saw no reason to believe there was any amount of trickery at play.

Fast forward some time. Someone (I don't remember who) said the same thing about it.

Fast forward awhiles. Deanna says, "Let's see Juno. I says, "Oh yeah, I heard it's good."

I heard from others (my brother, Ross Toss, everyone else in the whole world) that it was a great movie.

After a week or two, Deanna said to me, "I saw Juno. It was really good. We should watch it together. I gave the obvious response: "Whatever."

Deanna and I went to Taco Bell last night. I had some burritos. They were decent burritos. We crossed the street to see Juno. It was one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time.

Juno contained four events, somehow spread thin enough to cover 92 minutes of film (spoilers):

1. Juno gets Knocked Up.

2. Juno doesn't have sex with an older man.

3. Juno gives the baby away.

4. Credits.

Don't get me wrong. The whole movie wasn't all that bad. There actually were three funny parts in the film. My first laugh came when Ricky Fitts's (when writing something other people will read, one should always add the extra s when referring to a singular possessive entity ending in s to prevent confusion over weather the entity is singular or plural) mother, Barbara Fitts, said something about Jesus. I was the only person in the theater laughing. The second laugh came when we saw Michael Cera's fat mother the first time. Again, I was the only one laughing. The third laugh occurred the second time we saw his mother. I didn't laugh that hard.

I'm not sure why I'm the only person on Earth who hated this movie. Actually, I just checked the message board on IMDB, and it turns out a lot of people hated it. I fell much better now. I only hope I was able to save a few people by writing this.

If you've made it this far, thank you for giving me a chance to vent.

Hammertime

2007-11-20T16:26:00.000-05:00

I've had very little time to sleep lately, thanks to some asshole. It all started about a week ago, when I decided I would start reading the Hunter S. Thompson books given to me to read by a close friend: Stefan (the asshole). I can't clearly remember the last time I was so hooked into a book that I found myself waking up early to read. There have been numerous occasions where I have stayed up all night (or all day) to read, but I'd never prematurely risen from bed to do it. Sleeping is nearly my favorite thing to do, and I hate stopping it when I don't have to. That should tell you how bad the situation has become.

Had become.

The situation is now over. I am both relieved and saddened. I've read more in the past week than I have the rest of the year (divided by seventeen). If this confuses you, it's only because I have failed to mention the many other works I have read this week as well. And I will continue to fail to do so.
Here we see the asshole with his hot out-of-the-oven bride, or, as I like to call her, Sam Gambrel.

Kingdom of Fear immediately took a hold on my mind. After reading the first page, I knew I was about to lose sleep. There was no way around it. With work and beating off, I just didn't have time for both constant reading and sleep. I had to not have one. IT wasn't a hard choice to make; the book pretty much made the choice for me. It reminds me of the time I read some Tucker Max. You know what I'm talking about: "I hate my table." It clicked just like that.

Block paragraphs.

I had trouble tell at times what was real and what was kinda real (or, I should say, kinda not real). When the Judge came into the scene, I immediately wondered if I was reading pure fiction. It was the only time I got that feeling during the book. I'm sure some or most of it might have been based on actual happenings--we are talking about HST, after all.

Overall, I'd give the book a ten out of five. The only problem I had was not having my own copy to paint. I sent my cousin, Deanna, to fetch me my own many times, all to no avail.

Screwjack was second on the list. It was the only book I was able to put down as fast as I picked it up, only because that's how long it was. It was touching, but felt like what it had would have worked better if it was divided and archived with other works, like the Leach story. I'm not saying it wasn't of worth, but that it was over before you could enjoy it. Like a premature orgasm without the embarrassment.

I immediately went from Screwjack into the first 100 pages of Better than Sex. That was just the other day. I finished the second half earlier today. It offered a somewhat different experience compared to the other books. It was pure politics. Amazing stories. I learned a lot about politicians I'm sure I wouldn't have found anywhere else. It exposed a lot of the players and made them seem more like real people than the fictitious characters they appear to be on TV.

If I had to give the books a label, I would call them inspiring. Taking control of ones life seems possible through the examples of Dr. Thompson. I most likely wouldn't be writing a new blog post if it weren't for him (or the asshole who lost many hours of my sleep time).

'Til next time. Mahalo...nigga!

Finally

2007-07-27T19:47:00.000-04:00

An energy efficient Google.

Goddamn Finally

2007-07-26T13:31:00.000-04:00

I finally got this internet connection working with Ubuntu. This is my first go with it. I'm not about to start installing Google desktops and whatnot yet, due to the fact that I'm about to install Ubuntu 7.04 or something.

I got up way too early, and I have to work from 10:30 until sometime tomorrow morning, so I think I'll be getting pretty tired. That's why I don't have the energy to write any more right now.

Nothing

2007-06-19T10:15:00.000-04:00

So, you know those bulletin posts on Myspace where people add their names to the list of people who will stand up for God? Well, instead of adding my name to the list, I simply changed the subject of the list from "I will stand up for God" to "Kill God" and reposted it. I left all the names on the list. I am so funny.

I've been working at Marsh, lifting weights and playing Tetris DS lately. I haven't really been involved in too much else lately (except getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole family).

I'm trying to get a second job at Gamestop.

That's all.

Brad's Graduation

2007-05-22T14:37:00.000-04:00

It's on the 26th. The whole thing starts at 2pm.

If you need help finding the place, you can always go here.

Long Time, No Shit

2007-05-20T17:09:00.000-04:00

I haven't written in here for awhiles, because I don't use my computer for anything but a CD player these days. Writing would be much easier to do if Nintendo would release a goddamn Wiiboard. Anyway, I hope one of these places give me a job, because I'm bored as shit and ready to move on.

I want someone to teach me how to sail.

If there was more time, I would be more happy with time wasted, but this isn't the case.

Shelbyville's library sucks balls.

Stefan and I went to Chicago with his dad the other day. It was my first time there, and it was good. The weather wasn't that great, yet I felt as though it was great enough. Make sense?
So we took the tour and took his dad to the airport. We got back to town and . . .

that's all.

Congradulationships

2007-04-23T21:58:00.000-04:00

I lost about 30 pounds and grew ten years younger in the past few days, and I don't like it.

I (Someone else) recently broke my computer and have been using my (Nintendo) Wii for most of my internet needs. But there have been people asking for my help in computer type shit, allowing me to see how far behind some people are behind on the computer timeline.

The first problem I found is the number of people using AT&T Yahoo! based web programs because that is what comes with they internet service. This is a terrible idea. Using the AT&T Yahoo! browser again has made me aware of how truly terrible it is. Don't use this browser. The fact that it works with absolutely none of the current websites (not entirely true) on the internet today should be enough to get rid of it, but I'll go a little further with the evidence if anyone doesn't care about seeing websites. Customization is limited to the point that you can't add toolbars, the Google Web Accelerator, or any other helpful add-ons. And finally, fuck this browser. Use Firefox. If you don't want to use Firefox, don't use AT&T Yahoo!. There are plenty of other browser available:

Opera (I don't have a lot of experience with the version for Windows, because it tends to take up more of the UCP power and Firefox is better. But, I do use the Wii version of the browser, and I'm satisfied enough with it to suggest the Windows version as a good alternative to AT&T.)

IE (It comes with Windows. And as much as I hate to suggest it, it is a great deal better than the AT&T browser.)

The Kicking Testicles

2007-02-27T22:46:00.000-05:00

So, I've been reading a lot about the problems Dell has been facing of late. Sales have been down. CEO step down. CEO come back. So, to curve the latest Dell hatin' trends, Dell has been letting the customers make suggestions. I believe Dell might have expected people to ask for lower prices; maybe an English-speaking customer service staff. They might have found that they bit off a little more than they could chew, swallow, piss right away, and get pregnant as a result when they noticed too many people were demanding this; though, it may be awhile before wee see this type of deal set in stone. It sounds like a great idea to me, being the open source guy I am, but I don't know if I would buy a PC knowing I would only use this. I'd say, if anything, I'd get a Mac and dual boot it with this OS. However, Internet Explorer does seem like a fine browser, but anyone who has used Mozilla Firefox knows there is no comparison. I think it would be great to see PCs come packed with Firefox rather than IE. Either way, I think it's great to see a PC company move away from helping Microsoft create monopolies for itself. And these requests just show how people are looking for just that.

Google's newly released Google Apps., which has been predicted would have trouble competing with Microsoft's more expensive Microsoft Office applications, is showing some good early progress with replacing Microsoft Office in around 100,000 businesses. This is good despite the security (which is actually very good) and offline issues the applications face. Google will no doubt see much more business coming out of this as reluctant companies see more of what Google Apps can do. If you're the kind of person (and not a company) who sees this as some great shit, you can use the free version, Google Docs & Spreadsheets. If you're just looking for a word processor, you might want to check out Corel's new WordPerfect Lightning. If you've never used WordPerfect before, it's a lot like Microsoft Word, but with many more helpful features and will proofread your work like nobody's business. I haven't use the new Lightning version yet, but you go ahead, and I'll just assume it's good. Keep in mind it's still in beta.

This week in stupidity:

Fox News has created its own conservative answer to Comedy Central's "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart." The show seems to be doing very poorly due to its audience and the fact that the producer doesn't seem to have ever seen "The Daily Show."

I used to think my Wii was a harmless thing. Other people seemed to think so, too. It was even making decent sales. All of that ended when the Christians showed up.

If you use e-mail, blogs, or anything, please watch out for this.

I've been looking back on my blog for the past twenty seconds, wondering what has happened. Things didn't used to be this way. It didn't take me long to realize that the fact is, all I ever do is fuck and read the news. I realize my lack of readers don't want to hear about my huge, black dick in some bitches ass, so I bring you the news that is important to me. Because, that is all there is left.

Anyway, how are you guys? It's been awhile since we last talked. I'm doing well. I went to the funeral home a few hours ago to see my good friend, Jake. He didn't say a lot.

I got a couple of movies tonight. I'm about to watch one of them. House of 1,000 Corpses, I'd say. I heard it's good.

You guys know any good books out there? I've got plenty of ideas, but I would like some more.

Toothpaste & Diarrhea

2007-02-25T01:23:00.000-05:00

I was watching Neil deGrasse Tyson promote his new book on BookTV tonight. He spoke of black holes and asteroids and water and death. I liked pretty much everything he had to say. He suggested we look up an article he had written tat didn't quite make it into the book by means of a quick Google search. I responded, "You seem like my kind of fuck. Yes, I will look up your article using my local Google search engine." I typed the words he suggested, and there it was--top of the shit. I clicked on the result and read. It was a short but interesting read on spherical shapes in the universe. Though, it seems like you would not assume I meant spherical shapes outside the universe; therefore, please disregard my saying, "in the universe." If you are the type of person who shows interest in the universe and enjoys discussing such things over some beers, feel free to read Tyson's article: On Being Round.

On a much lighter note, I may have found a job in the unattainable portion of the temp community production possibilities frontier. If I were to get this job, I would no longer have to break up with my girlfriend; instead, I could afford to simply kill her.

Mozilla finally released an updated version of its Firefox 2 model. Security flaws were fixed, but more importantly, my copy and paste problem was put right. You can update your browser by going to getfirefox.com, but I don't know why anyone would want to to that when all he or she would need to do is select "Check for updates..." in the help menu in the Firefox browser.

If you are a video game enthusiast, or if you've become like me, a technology and business enthusiast, you could check out Nexgen Wars dot com. The website lets the consumer (or non-consumer) vote for which of the three next generation video game consoles they would expect to win round seven of the ever going console wars. Normally I would care less about such a situation, but this time it's personal. You see, in the past, there has always been multiple consoles for me to care about. The Atari competed against masturbation. Both all right choices. The NES had the SNES. The SNES had the Genesis. The N64 had the Dreamcast. The Dreamcast had the PS2. The PS2 did not have the Gamecube (although the Gamecube was a fair enough choice). All of these were tremendous choices, except for the Atari (and all the other ones that were not masturbation). Normally, I would still have my two choices in the argument: Sony v. Nintendo (due to my dislike of Microsoft, they will never make a good enough anything for me, unless it's masturbation . . . or parenthesis), but this time it's personal. I at one time in my life thought Sony was cool--thought Sony was my friend. But sadly, Sony fucked me over one too many time (one time). I would now love to see Sony crash and burn. Now, try to imagine my rage at reading the professional market outcome predictors' predictions that the PS3 will ultimately win the war. I killed seven of my twelve hostages that day. End the end, it will be up to the consumer to decide, and so far, the consumer chooses the Wii at over 50 percent of the vote.

Keep in mind the 360 has not only been out for fifteen months while the other two have only been out three since first release, but it also attributes half (blatant lie, total exaggeration, I made it up) its sales to people replacing faulty models. I feel sorry for this guy.

I don't meant to make it sound like I'm a hard-core video gamer. I'm not. I might have been at one time. I spend maybe three hours a month playing video games (if I'm lucky). My day is mostly comprised of reading the news (up to two hours a day), lifting weights, maybe running, studying economics, studying anything and reading anything good. I didn't even know the Wii was capable of playing video games. Up until last night, I thought is was just an interactive TV program/computer. I spent my hours reading news on the news channel, checking up on the weather on the weather channel, checking my Myspace and Gmail and watching Google Video/Youtube videos on the internet channel, practicing my right to vote on the everybody votes channel, downloading new channels and video games I never play on the virtual console channel, and redesigning photographs on the photo channel. Come to think of it, I've never ever heard of such a thing as a video game. What is a video game anyway? I don't even know.

Now that I've got it in my head, I like to discuss this everybody votes channel. On its surface, it seems very shallow. You vote in polls composed of silly little questions. That's the silly part. But if one were to tether a heavy stone to one of the restraining hostages feet, that person would find that this is a much deeper lake. After picking one of two responses to a question, the user gets the option to predict which response will get the most votes. After the votes are counted, the Mii (the user's pawn) gets a score. After finding the results of so many polls, the system will be able to show the user where he or she is lacking in mental growth based on right or wrong predictions and the type of questions he or she makes predictions on. So far, I a fucking genius in every aspect.

My love affair with this machine isn't ill-founded. I have frown to love growth. The opportunities to learn are endless with the Wii. The other options in this field offer nothing like this. Their boxes should be labeled "No expansion necessary!" It's just more of the same. Even if you don't enjoy video games, it's something you should have. Even when it isn't on, I have so much fun pretending the remote is a gun. It feels so good to give that trigger a squeeze.

I lift weight and run enough for neither to make me sore, no matter how long I do or don't do either one. Thanks to my Wii, I spent ten minutes boxing in front of my TV the other day, and I couldn't move the next morning. No bull.

On that note, I'd like to bring up the fact that I hate not being in school. If I had the funding, I would always be studying everything any old genius can enemize me with. Thanks to the system, that reality has become a very large virtual reality. I wish I could at least live in a university community. That way I could find the professor bars, drink with the professors, discuss issues with the professors, and get a much cheaper education with the benefit of studying one-on-one with the professors.

Please send me money. I've grown to love economics and computers, and my learning potential keeps growing.

I'd be lying if I were to say that I haven't been quite affected by death of late. To start off, my great-great-aunt died. That didn't affect me so much, but it did introduce me to some new family. I'd say my family tree sprouted a second trunk that day. It was a trunk I didn't want to be associated with, but it was a trunk nonetheless.

DeWayne Saylor was a kick-ass guy I hung out with this one time in middle school. We started out hanging out separately at the same movie theater, but became more hanging out in the same group as the night progressed. The movie was Saving Silverman. He left th movie and came back with some Twizzlers, which he offered to everyone, even me, a guy he didn't know. We were all on our way to Cagney's after the movies like so many other time, and as we waited for traffic to stop at the intersection, he passed through. The traffic never seemed to slowed down or part for him, yet he made it through, unharmed. The seating arrangement was Kylie Dickmann and some other people at one table; Jake Miller, DeWayne, Stefan and myself at another table; and Jeff Lee and some people on the horizon. The fat waitress would walk by, and DeWayne would act like there was an earthquake. After awhile, Stefan and DeWayne walked over to Speedway to get Kylie some Tic-tacs. Stefan came back with Tic-tacs and Dewayne came back with a huge-ass flashlight. And that's all I remember. I regret not knowing him better.

I heard from Stephanie Mae on our way to Taco Bell that my good friend, Jake Hargrove, had passed away as the result of a car accident the night before. I can't be sure it's true just yet, but I've seen enough evidence on Myspace to feel he is really no longer with us. I knew Jake pretty well. I hadn't really seen him much lately, but we sure did hang out quite a bit during school in my younger days, mainly during recess hours at Loper. I remember in fourth grade, we had to read to the first graders in Mrs. Meredith's class. During one of these outings, Jake got on the Mac in the back of the room, where we were both supposed to be reading to kids, and fucked around with all sorts of shit. This probably wouldn't be all that funny today (he wasn't doing anything damaging), but back then, we didn't know anything about what was going on. All we knew was we weren't allowed to fuck with the computers, or some serious shit would go down. I laughed so hard I cried, watching Jake fuck around with that shit. He was the first person I ever saw with a CD player. He had it out at recess. I was surprised to see how fast the CD was spinning. It was like a record player on crack. The rest of my life is mostly a blur up until the point where we had all sorts of fun in study hall. My most favorite memory from that time is of Jake feeding me Pop-tarts and wiping the crumbs off my face in a very homosexual way and the pregnant study hall lady getting pissed off in the process. She seemed to be pissed off a lot. I think it was because she was pregnant. I remember she'd get really pissed when Jake would start pulling the string from his sweatshirt hood through his numerous holes. That was neat too. I regret not hanging out with Jake more. We never partied together. That's why everyone needs to get outside and get laid right now. I'll miss you big time, Jake. And if you aren't really dead, I'll miss you someday.

I decided to skip a few lines, because I still have things to write about, but no transition.

After my aunt's funeral, I got to know my cousins, Cody, Ashley, and I want to say Paul. I also made everyone laugh and love me. I talked to the Aunt Betty and the Uncle Tom about their boys. Ate. Hugged everyone before leaving. It was a good time on all accounts.

I guess I'll make this it then.

Everyone should read Freakonomics if they haven't yet. There is even a bigger and expandeder version out now. Feel free to pick up a copy.

Please Don't Spend Any More Money On Ringtones

2007-02-01T16:05:00.000-05:00

You can just go to buildatone.com and make your own for free.

It looks like I'm finally getting a job. Feel free to send me money anyway. You know where to find me.

I've been reading and exercising way too much lately. I have have decided to change my routine more toward eating and sleeping activities.

I've been going through my entire blog, fixing (some) spelling and grammatical errors. I think I will be making a list of my favorite posts. I had forgotten how funny I used to be. The list we be more for me and less for you. I just love reading about myself.

Anyway, stay strong. And keep shitting.

A NEW RECORD!!!!

2007-01-23T14:33:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a little over two months since Sony's Playstation 3 saw a release in Japan, and, wouldn't you know it, the price is already dropping. Is it because Sony has found a more efficient way to produce them? No. According to this, Sony has nothing to do drop. Retailers are just trying to get whatever they can for the 20GB model of the console, which the article claims "PS3 sales in Japan haven't cooled off, they've frozen."

Now this doesn't really seem like much of a surprise to us. Sony seems to be seeing the same problem here in America. Go into any game retailer, and you can see the PS3s just sitting on the shelves, not going anywhere. You can't even get retail price for them on eBay.

So, if you've already purchased a PS3, I'm sorry. And if you haven't, wait a month or two, and you'll have the opportunity to buy the cheapest Blu-ray DVD player/toilet on the market.

What sounds better to you? A Blu-ray DVD player at the high price of $1,000? Or a Blu-ray DVD player/toilet for $50? Do the right thing.

I Found Myself Lying In My Own Milk

2007-01-14T20:20:00.000-05:00

I was awoken yesterday morning at around seven a.m. when my father came into my room. I got up to take out my retainer. When I returned, I found my blanket, soaked with Blaire nipple juice. I had trouble sleeping after that point. I had been in the middle of one of the best dreams in a long time when I was awoken, and my mind kept turning to it. I managed to get close to sleep around nine, but found myself tired of trying when I noticed the big spot on my sheet under my nipple.

I illegally downloaded Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan and Jackass Number Two. They were both good, but the former was the one that was hilarious. I'd highly recommend it to anyone with two dicks.

If anyone needs to take a shit at this point, we are in the same boat.

(Chris) Tucker Max

2007-01-13T09:29:00.000-05:00

It looks like our old pal Tucker Max has been busy getting ready for Comedy Central on the television and writing a new book, Asshole Finish First. Tucker has had these (this and this) things to say about things. Personally, I don't know if the show would be that great, but the book is looking pretty good.

This Guy's Name is Frosty

2007-01-13T00:42:00.000-05:00

"Condoms don't belong in school, and neither does Al Gore. He's not a schoolteacher," said Frosty Hardison, a parent of seven who also said that he believes the Earth is 14,000 years old. "The information that's being presented is a very cockeyed view of what the truth is. ... The Bible says that in the end times everything will burn up, but that perspective isn't in the DVD."

I'm just glad we have nutjobs like this guy to help destroy today's yoots.

So I guess what this guy is saying is as long as we have global warming, we will have a lower percentage of oxygen, and without sufficient oxygen, God's flames will die out quickly, leaving us to reap the benefits and retire early.

Thank you, Frosty. Now give me back my goddamn magic hat before you scare any more children with your shenanigans.

cheating hurts...:/ (You will laugh.)

2006-12-29T02:41:00.000-05:00

Girl: is on the couch making out with a hot guy, her cellphone rings...

Girl:Hey babe, I'll be right back. I need to take this call.

Boy: Yeah okay. Sure.

She walks into the next room.

Girl: Hey! What's up?

Guy [on her cellphone]: Nothing, hey hun, do you think we could go do something later tonight? What are the chances my boss let me get out early.

Girl: Yeah, sounds great!

Guy [on her cellphone]: Okay. I'm right by your house, I'll come to get you now.

Girl: That's not such a good idea...

Guy [on her cellphone]: Why not?

Girl: I'm busy right now... sorry.

Guy [on her cellphone]: With what? It's our anniversary! You didn't make any other plans did you...?

In her head she yells, SHIT! Throws clothes back on quickly.
Girl: No No... I was just eating... with the family.

Guy [on her cellphone]: But I thought you said your family was away this weekend, up at your resort?

The guy walks into her house, turns the corner into the hallway. Goes downstairs, and finds his bestfriend on her couch, half un-dressed, trying to pull his pants back on and his girlfriend pulling her shirt over her head.

Guy: What the hell is going on?!

Girl: I can explain! Please listen to me!

Guy: Benny? How could you do this to me! Rachel! I thought you loved me! And yet, your sleeping with MY BEST FRIEND!!!!

Girl: John...!

John with tears in his eyes, he rushes out of room, and slams the door.

Benny climbs out of the window, starts his car, and drives off down the street.

Girl runs after her boyfriend. Yelling...

Girl: NOOOO! Please!! Come back John!! Pleeeeeasssse????!! She falls down and cries.

John turns around, looks straight at his girlfriend in tears.

John: Why? Rachel, why? I loved you! Oh my God, I'm in love with a whore. Does this mean I have to pay you now?!
Here take this as the cash. He drops a ring box on her lap.

She opens the ring box. Her jaw drops... Before her eyes is a diamond wedding ring.

Girl: You were going to propose?

Guy: Yeah... how dumb was I? And as he slowly walked back to his car, his headlights faded... And she was in despair.

Later that night, the girl got a phone call from the police saying he just jumped off the bridge and killed himself.

If you love/like someone, and you want them in your life forever. Repost in 380 seconds as "cheating hurts." Or your true love will walk away from you

Maître d'hôtel Yeats de William

2006-12-11T21:29:00.000-05:00

I wrote this today because it was due today. Sorry if it seems rushed.

If there’s one thing I like to do, it’s explore. Explore what? Exactly. So, I’d like to take this opportunity to get to know a poet I otherwise know little about. William Butler Yeats seems to be a fairly well upheld figure in the poetry industry. I can’t recall ever reading any of Yeats’ poetry during a voyage in the past. This will be uncharted territory for me. I hope I don’t get killed.

“The Scholars” is a poem I can find myself relating to. It seems to be about people following the same path, because following the same path is what people do. Old men teach young men to write like they write. They all know the same people and think the same. And at the end it mentions Gaius Valerius Catullus: “Did their Catullus walk that way?” I did some research on this Catullus, and he seems to be quite amazing, based on my personal views. In “Catullus 16,” we see Catullus verbally attacking two of his critics, stating that he “will fuck you like a boy and throat-rape you.” I find this to be far from the norm when it comes to poetry and can’t help but think Yeats means to use it to make a point of being different. It seems different yet very exciting, especially when you are used to reading the same type of love poem. While many poets aim “To flatter beauty’s ignorant ear,” Catullus decided to rape beauty’s ignorant throat.

Yeats’ poem “The Stolen Child” describes children being taken away by faeries. This poem actually helped me out a great deal, because I have always wondered what happened to my brother. The poem best explains itself in four lines repeated through the entire work: “Come away, O human child!/To the waters and the wild/With a faery, hand in hand,/For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand.” The point Yeats makes is that children shouldn’t cry about being taken away by faeries. That isn’t really that bad of a fate to have to face. These children are so young they have yet to see many of the evils this world offers. Some people get shot in the face. I am sure anyone who has been shot in the face would much rather have simply been taken away by faeries. This is the exact point Yeats is trying to make, and I completely agree with him.

After moving on to “When You Are Old,” a pattern begins to show itself. Yeats poems tend to paint a picture of peacefulness with a slight case of anarchy. The first, “The Scholars” depicts people following a familiar, relaxing path, but dares us to do otherwise. “The Stolen Child” gives us hope for our children’s future: they shall spend their days in a far-off land with cute little faeries. The dark side of this is that the faeries are most likely eating the children. Yeats is trying to tell us what we don’t want to hear while covering it up with pretty lies. “When You Are Old” has the same intent, yet the bad part feels not bad at all. The poem makes you realize how close to death you are, but instead of creating feelings of sorrow, it creates feelings of other sorrow. The sorrow is good. You feel just good enough about your accomplishments.

“The Lake Isle of Innisfree” is an average feeling poem. It strikes up no feelings in my gut, but it does a fine job of reflecting what I think most of us are after. A man plans to move away, possibly running from some old pain, to find peace elsewhere. We’ve all surely been in that position. I know I’m in it right now. It’s just far too painful for me to live in a world where Thanksgiving only comes once a year. I mean, how am I supposed to live off of only 5,000 calories a day? I need so much more, yet it is so far away. I am truly heartbroken. Give me a cigarette.

Being the good parent he was, Yeats wanted to make sure his daughter turned out to be beautiful, rather than ugly. It is what any parent would want for his or her daughter. The worst thing I could ever imagine as a parent would be having an unattractive daughter. Yeats sets a good example for parents everywhere. If you can’t afford to make your daughter pretty, you’re not a good parent.

“Leda and the Swan” breaks away from the traditional Yeats. It takes the advice given in “The Scholars.” In this work, a nice lady named Leda finds herself in a position we’ve all been in after a long night of drinking. She is making babies with a swan. Raped by Zeus? I hardly think so. It seems to me like she just needed an excuse for something she never expected to end up on Youtube. Like in the earlier poems, we see a good situation gone awry.

My favorite characteristic about Keats’ writing is his ability to urge one not to follow protocol while following protocol. It’s somewhat like someone working at Wal-Mart and telling shoppers to make purchases somewhere else. It’s a good idea, but it takes a real hero to pull it off.

Yeats, I like what you’ve done with the place. It was fantastic meeting you.

Here's a Confession

2006-12-11T00:50:00.000-05:00

Deandra's pupils get bigger when she looks at me.

Hit Me

2006-11-30T14:08:00.000-05:00

I lost my card. Well, I didn't lose it, but someone else gained it just the same.

Here's a nice little article about politics for yous.

I'm hungry, so I think I'm goan turn in an application or two today.

I downloaded F-Zero on the virtual console. I wouldn't recommend doing it unless you're a really big fan of old games that used to be fun but aren't even worth playing today.

I'm gonna start saving some dollars to buy some whills to get around after I get enough money to move out. Holla.

Shit

2006-11-26T21:00:00.000-05:00

I've been playing my Wii and watching The History Channel.

Wii is fun.

I also had a PS3 for just a little while.

I got tired of that shit pretty quick. I thought about selling it on eBay, but that would've taken too long. I put it in the trunk and pushed the car off the cliff. Problem solved.

Um.

I have two papers due tomorrow. The first one doesn't have a supposed set length. I think I'll shoot for at least three pages, if not four. I think the other one is to be no longer than one page. I also have a quiz due in my math class.

I went to Greenwood with Stephanie Mae the other day. I found a couple of books at Waldenbooks that I would like to have.

My plans for the next few Wiiks are far and few. I mean big. Fuck.

Enough of this shit.

Matthew . . .

We Had a Good Time at McDonald's

2006-11-05T12:17:00.000-05:00

I dreamt my friend was reteaching me Japanese.

Try one of these out.

The weekend was all right. And by weekend, I mean Thursday up until now. I got to hang out and lift weights. I've been reliving my childhood with The Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past/Four Swords. I've been writing a lot every day. I write about whatever comes to mind. I've stopped eating.

We all fall down.

Maybe It's a Stupid Theory or Maybe Just Stupidity

2006-11-02T16:33:00.000-05:00

I started reading Ken Kesey's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest the other day. There is a tremendous quote from the Native American narrator early on that I would like to share with you, the people: "But it's the truth even if it didn't happen." I sat and turned it over in my head for a little while. It struck me hard--right in the kidney. The idea seems offbeat, yet somewhat assuring. Does something really have to be true in order to have happened? No. And this proves it. Next question.

I got Final Fantasy XII Monday night. It's one of the best movies in video game packaging I've seen.

The end of The Count was amazing. Just like the beginning and the 1400 pages between them. I want to read at least two other books before I read it again. Ross wants to borrow it. I don't see a problem with it. As long as he doesn't shove it up his ass like he does everything else. Anyway. Go ahead and by this version. After you obtain and read that version, do what I'm about to do: grab the Robin Buss translation, published by Penguin Classics. Buss' translation, from what I've read, has refurbished the language for our time (bad) and has reinstated all of the sex and drugs, left out in previous translations.

Bye.

Home Alone

2006-10-30T18:51:00.000-05:00

The title really says it all.

My whole family is home alone.

I got a call last yesterday. I didn't recognize the number, but I was somewhat interested in finding out who would want to call me. It was Gamestop lady. Joe told me her Final Fantasy VII name, but I can't pull it up at the moment. She invited me to a party that starts at eleven o'clock tonight. I get to pick up my new game Final Fantasy XII at twelve o'clock while I'm at the party. Wow. She sure is nice.

I didn't sleep last night. I was up half the night reading The Count of Monte Cristo and the other half was spent trying to convince myself I wasn't M. Danglars and to stop worrying about my money woes.

I eventually made it out of bed and to school. My classes were cool, until the between era, where I started to feel bad in the tummy area. I actually felt bad in comparative religions, but I couldn't bring myself to unleash the fury of toxins that had built up in my colon. I decided on my break that I would not be attending my favorite class, poetry for Blaire, at the end of the day. I went to my folklore class and while conversing with others of the advantages of having a PENIS PULL/POLE/IDON'TKNOWWHATWEWEREREALLYTALKINGABOUT,ITWASMORELIKEWEWEREJUSTHAVINGFUNWITHAMADEUPWORD, I completely forgot about my pains.

I came home just the same, and with many hours left before the party, I am sure I will have the last 70 pages read in no time.

I like the new features, especially the page building thing. The only thing I don't like about it is the template change. The template is way off now and they use secret codes to keep me from doing it myself. Oh well. I figured it out once; I'll figure it out again.

Fucking Google AdSense just shows links to online survey stuff. Whatever. It's a party.

I Just Moved

2006-10-29T14:10:00.000-05:00

To Blogger beta.

Holy shit.

The difference is unimaginable.

I mean, I couldn't have ever imagined a new blogger that is exactly the same as the old one.

No.

I haven't had time to check it out. I just now moved my blogs.

I need to make an AdSense thing for my Intendo blog so I can become a millionaire.

Up the down storiod.

If anyone can get me a copy of any kind of Linux, let me know. I want it rill bad.

Amazing

2006-10-23T22:41:00.000-04:00

I finally found a good version of Firefox 2.

It's called Firefox 2 RC 3. Go ahead and click that link to download the installation software if you want. But I would recommend reading through this before you do. You may not like what you'd be getting yourself into. The RC stands for Release Candidate. It hasn't even been released in beta form. Well, this is a beta form, but it hasn't been released as a beta version. You know what I mean.

I really like this early version of Firefox 2. Some of my add-ons from the past weren't compatible, but those were the gay ones I never used anyway. My favorite feature is the new spell check feature. Or maybe it's an add-on I downloaded. I don't know. I've got a spell checker I can click on in my Google toolbar, but I've also got the browser underlining my spelling errors. Whatever.

I also bought a Wii on the--whatever day Gamestop had the reserves in. I was fifth in line if my memory serves me the way Walter Clopton Wingfield would. I also bought a one gig memory stick/card/human/whateverthefuck.

I can feel myself getting more and more awesome every day. I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up one day and discovered I didn't have to talk to you assholes anymore. Goodbye assholes, hello fellow janitors at Comedy Central.

I just found out my good friend Jess is a retard. I think we all new it the whole time. We were just waiting for the right moment.

I think I'm done.

Fuck Ozma

2006-10-15T00:07:00.000-04:00

I spent around three hours fighting the fucker tonight, but I just can't seem to get him. I can get close, but that's when he decides to kill me on the spot. Fuck. I don't know. I guess I'll have to change my strategy. I'll try again tomorrow.

I added a new commercial to my Intendo Games blog. It's a good one.

Stefan was here for Fall Breaks, so we hung out most of the time.

We made a get well soon card for Rob, and we put it in his yard for everyone to see.

I hope he is feeling better.

I kinda hurt my arm again while I was doing pull-ups, so I failed when I tried to get my bicepts in. But I'm pretty much kicking ass at racquetball, so who the fuck?

I wrote a funny-as-fuck one-and-a-half-page four-page paper for my poetry class. It'd probably be too far over you guys' head, so I'll let you imagine.

Bitch is crazy--keep on dreaming.

i thought i was ganon but once he was sealed away

2006-09-22T23:04:00.000-04:00

So much has happened. I've wanted to blog about things, but I'm just too lazy. For rill.

My tumor has gotten bigger, I'm assuming.

I serched my computer, destroying old documents, and finding some nice things in the process. Not all of them are that great, but I like them anyway.

I started a new blog. I really don't know what this blog will be, but from the looks of it, I'd say something having to do with my life-long love for Princess Zelda.

I'm getting a lot better at Star Fox Command.

I don't sleep at night.

I have trouble staying awake at school.

I have trouble reading of Le Comte, because I am usually very tired.

But I am about half-way thru it.

It'll pick up once I get my studies done.

Um . . .

I had to break a girls heart the other night.

I felt bad, but it sure was a great time.

I'm lifting weights a lot again.

I'll let you know.

Nintendo Fusion Tour is this Thursday. You can play some Wii with me or some DS. I might bring my DS to pwn some bitches at Star Fox Command. It's being headlined by Hawthorne Heights. The others is Relient K, Emery, Plaine White T's and The Sleeping.

Goodbye.

I made a new group on the Facebook that you guys can check out. Go ahead and ask to be let in if you like what you see. I don't know if that link will work for anybody, but I'm not gonna check it. Let me know if it doesn't work with a comment, and I won't change it, but I'll know.

I'm Drunk

2006-09-10T05:01:00.000-04:00

I have many realizations when I'm drunk. I just had one that I found very much worth sharing.

It is about Tom Cruise.

You see, Tom Cruise has for many years been viewed as a great actor.

What I have come to realize is that being a good actor does not have a thing to do with your acting ability [not true (Winona Rider)]; it is all about being a good judge of what you act in.

A lot of people hate on Tom Cruise for his religious beliefs. A lot of people hate on Tom Cruise for crazy antics. What I have come to realize is that Tom Cruise is much more sane that most of the population guilty of condemning him.

To celebrate this finding of mine, I have created a list of criteria that disenfanchise (very legally) idiots who have no place in talking in such a way of others.

I am talking about you if:

1. Your favorite show is "The Real World."
2. Your favorite show is "Laguna Beach."
3. Your favorite show is "Big Brother."
4. Your favorite book falls somewhere in the "Gossip Girls" section.
5. You have any preferences falling in any category anywhere near anything I have just mentioned.

If anyone has any other stupid ass criteria to add to the list, please do so through commentation (I'm not sure if that's a word--Spell check didn't recognize it, and neither did I--I am pretty drunk.) through my comments (breasts) link.

I will allow the ones I see fit; the ones I feel don't belong will be discarded.

Thank you for your crazy-ass time, you fuck-asses.

Okay, I just checked "disenfranchise" with Google. Evidently the only proper way of putting it is "disenfranchised." I also come across people using periods outside the quotation marks. I have seen this many times in Le Comte de Monte-Cristo (I just checked that shit out and I am very proud to say I got it super-right on my first try while being drunk or needing help from Google.) or The Count of Monte Cristo, if you support President Bush.

Here's how I feel about it: You write how you write, and that's what makes literature and language what it is. You can take control and change the rules if that is how you choose to do things. It is as simple as that. If someone wants to change the rules of writing, all he or she needs to do is write how he or she feels fit.

If you want a definition of something, go to Google.com and type "define" followed by ":" and then a space and the word (ex. define: fuckshit).

That's all you need.

Good night. For rill.

You Said Your Girlfriend's Pregnant Now, How Far Along is She?

2006-08-24T17:59:00.000-04:00

I have lots of new fun stories to tell, but I'm tired, and I'd never tell you guys anyway.

It looks like our old friend is at it again.

Google has recently released an alternative to Microsoft Word. You can sign up for writely.com beta and you don't even need a Google account.

Two new films from Trey Parker and Matt Stone? Fuck that.

Get Down On Your Knees and Tell Me You Love Me

2006-08-11T14:55:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to get this out for awhile. I hope you can read his comments.

My printer doesn't always work so well.

I also came across an old batch of Cotton Candy today. I'm expecting some big things to happen with that in these next few weeks.

Credit Card? You Got It.

2006-08-07T21:50:00.000-04:00

I know I say this a lot, but I just swung my right foot out too much when I turned into the bathroom. I didn't actually turn into the bathroom; you know what I mean. Anyway, this miscalculation led to me losing two toes. I used to make this mistake all the time when I was younger. I actually can't remember the last time it's happened. My foot hurts.

My good friend Jesse (I call him Jess. He left a comment for me yesterday under that name, but he is Jesse everywhere else on Blogger. I'm not quite sure how he managed to pull that one off.) has recently started a blog. I find this to be quite exciting. You see, Jesse will be going off to school soon and I shall need a way to monitor his movements. His blog only has one post in its current state, but it will most likely grow to several hundred in the next few months. His first post is a very good one. He describes the joy of his two new, very good friends described as "one male and one female." He has decided to keep the names classified because he feels names are pointless and all that matters is that we all support President Bush. I couldn't agree with him more, but I'd still like to share these names with you. The "boy" he writes of is none other than the late, great Nick Allen. I don't know where Jesse's fondness of Nick came from. It must have been that night Nick wouldn't drink because he had to drive home in ten minutes (Pussy! Cough!Cough! Pussy!). I just checked my medication that I haven't taken in months, and I have six half-pills left. Let me know. They're gonna go fast. The "girl" in this mysterious tale is also a good friend of mine, Zachatatl. You see, the night Nick wouldn't drink was also the night everyone else did (Cough!Cough! StrongBoy!). Zach later decided to piss all over my dad's car. This caused bad blood between the two of us. The problem with this was the fact that I already had enough bad blood from the raised prolactin levels. It was fine when I could lactate, but now I have milk coming out of one titty and Bon Jovi classics coming out the other.

My point: We need more people in power setting good examples for our youth. Jesse, being the big CEO that he is, doesn't need to go to college. He already has all the riches any man could possibly dream of. What could he possibly accomplish by going to college that he hasn't accomplished at this point? Well, I'll tell you. He's setting an example for people like Derek Weaver--people who are poor and ugly to the most extreme circumstance.

I need ice for my foot. Holla-atchaboy!

How I Spent My Summer (Working) Vacation (Vacation)

2006-08-06T20:51:00.000-04:00

This summer has been a blast. I have been on vacation from my life as well as my blogging career. Here are a few of the gems you have missed out on.

I hung out with the guys. Nick is on the left. Randal is in the middle. And Jimmy is the lazy one on the right.

Randal left after I scared his dog and made her run into a door and then caused her to piss on the floor. It took Nick almost no time at all to get his pants off.

I also taught some bad language to some animals. If you can't make out what this character is saying, I can only do this for you, "I want your dick . . . That's a mouthful." Now, I only taught him every word up until "dick," mind you. The rest was all him. These video games are getting smart.

Not two minutes later did I witness my brother (Brandon) on top of my sister (Ashley).

Then I kissed a French guy after our race.

I Had Another Day

2006-08-06T20:38:00.000-04:00

I woke up today. I finished some Tucker Max delectables. Kylie called me. I got a hair cut.

Kylie pretending to know how to read.

Kylie pretending to know how to cut hair.

I got some of my old socks from Stefan and left my present socks there.

Back to Dashboard

2006-08-06T20:33:00.000-04:00

UnderTheRose09

Who is this?

They instant messaged me, but I didn't want to stay on, so I declined. Let me know.

Tired

2006-08-05T02:58:00.000-04:00

That is why I'm going to bed.

Fuck Fuck Shit Fuck

2006-06-07T21:53:00.000-04:00

So I'm pretty much just pissed off right now. It was a waste of a day if you ask me. I need to be going to bed, but I'm pretty sure I'm too pissed to sleep. I wanted to read today too, but I don't think that will work out either. I am going to look for a good CD to relieve some of this, and I will hopefully be good to go very soon.

I just found a bunch of stuff from yearbook. That made my day. It reminds me of the time I got to take my stuff home. I didn't have a lot of stuff in my box thing, so I took Ani Sweet's stuff instead. I wonder where it all went.

I'm not afraid of skeletons, but I get pretty freaked out when they walk around and take pictures of each other.

Poop

2006-06-04T22:15:00.000-04:00

THE "W" SURVEY!!

**The Who's**

Who is in the house with you?:
Bread, Ash-hole, Dawn Noel, Brentie, Oreo

Who are you thinking about now?
Baby Jesus

Who did you last talk to on the phone?:
Zip

Whose house did you last go to?:
Robin K. Gahimer, C.P.A.

Whose birthday is next?
Adam Barlow has a birthday on June 9. Everyone call him and tell him to break up with Jesus.

Who was the last person you told you loved?
Fox McCloud

Who do you hope will take this survey?:
The Lord, Jesus Christ (I think I'll get drunk and beat up so)

Who is your cell phone carrier?:
I carry my own phone. I'm a big boy.

**The Whats**

What was the last thing you ate?:
Ice Creams

What was the last thing you drank?:
Melk

What color pants are you wearing?:
invisible, because i don't really have any pants on, because i'm a faggot and everyone knows this

what is the closest item to you that is blue?
a pretty pink parasol

What instant messaging service do you use?:
google talk

fav..color
pussypink

What is your most used phrase?:
i'm going as a cowgirl

What is your favorite website?:
google.com

What is your favorite shoe brand?:
pants

What song do you currently hear?:
"hate you" by the daredevils

What are you about to do?:
get some hot pussy

**The Wheres**

Where do you live?:
i like to see homos, naked

Where is your phone?
right here

Where do you sleep?:
in my boxers

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
i'm not wearing one of those either

Where did you get this survey?
why do you always assume people have clothes on?

Where is your best friend?
Rome

**The Whens**

When is your birthday?:
October 25

When did you last burn a candle?:
about the same time shawn last punched a librarian

When did you go to sleep last night?:
9:30

When was the last time you went to the mall?:
December somethingth

**The Whys**

Why does basically half the world have a Myspace?:
because the other half can't afford it

Why do we have to go to school?:
because people are idiots

Why are you on myspace right this moment?:
stalker hall

Sister's Myspace Bulletin Post

2006-05-28T19:57:00.000-04:00

The person who wrote this is a genius. It may be true that I am a genius, but I didn't write it.

. . . . .HERE IS THE POST

young teenager

about 13 or 14

she thought this guy she adored

was a harmless handsome prince that would never hurt her

Jeff said he was 16

he asked her out one night to go to a party

she thought yesss finnaly a night with Jeff what more can i ask for

he said its a long ride so we will be getting back late

so you should tell ur parents u r sleeping over at ur friends house

she told her parents and left ==it was 6:13PM

::::: 4 hours later 10:13pm:::::
_Jeff is drunk and high he offered Bethany but she said no_

beth: wow u r right this is a long ride

Jeff: look i just want to let u know im 19 and we arent going to a
party

beth: (in a screaming way ) omg than where r we going

Jeff: look i just wanted to have our own life together .. u know like
run away u can lie about ur age get married have kids

beth: MARRIED ?? KIDS?? O HELL NO .. stop this car

jeff: nope ..

_beth tried opening the door and window but they wouldnt open_

jeff: child lock and window broke ... sorry baby

_beth spit on jeff_

beth: im not ur baby

_jeff reached over and slapped her_

jeff: i love you bitch

beth: (crying) ur drunk and high

_jeff stopped the car immediately ... he got out and opened the trunk ... he got out rope, tape, cocain, bottle water, large eye drop looking tube, knife, and a pipe ... _

jeff: (yelling) get out ... lets go !!! ... go over there...

beth: what did u get out of the trunk ??

jeff: ull see

_beth started screamming while jeff taped her mouth shut ..._

jeff: i knew i would need that

_jeff used the rope and tied beths legs to 2 different trees and
her arms ... jeff raped beth and beth passed out ... _

jeff: o you want to sleep now do ya maybe this will help u wake up ...

_jeff opened the bottle of water and poured a quarter pound of cocain in it ... he shook up the bottle .... then he took the medicine dropper and sucked up some of the mixture ... then he injected the tube into beths vagina ... she woke up spazzing from the cocain ... jeff took the rusty 12 inch pipe and shoved it up her vagina till she bled pulled it back out then shoved it up her butt til he couldnt see it no more ... then he jumped in his car and left .. _

bethany died from internal bleeding and drug over dose... if u have feelings for her and would never want this to happen to u then repost this story as "GIRLS PLEASE READ" so you can let all the girls be alerted off who they choose and what they should be aware of ... please we need to be strong girls....we need to know what we're doing

if your a girl repost this as "girls read this and boys dont ever do this ever"

if your a guy repost this as "id kill a muthafucka

Uncle Bread

2006-05-25T19:03:00.000-04:00

2006-05-25T19:01:00.000-04:00

Everyone hates Shawn. I think that's funny. It's especially good when he talks to his girlfriend on the phone and she calls him fat and he cries like a little emo cunt.

Hello.

I Quit My Jobbie

2006-05-22T17:46:00.000-04:00

Not really. But that was the plan in the beginning. Tyler Stieneker was crushed when I gave him the news. He is the one responsible for pulling me back in. So, it appears that I will be working with him and Shawn Branham awhile still.

I am sooooo tired, you guys.

I had to be at work by 7:00 a.m. I didn't sleep at all last night.

Gay.

I was going to go to Elwood and tell them I wasn't retarded enough for the job. I guess that will have to wait a few more days.

Here's the thing. I really do work with numerous handicapable people. They make up the majority of the population there. I like them. I don't like the stupid people working on both sides of me in the line deal. They are not mentally retarded; they are just fucking stupid. I hate goddamn stupid people telling me what to do. Fuck them.

And that's the word.

Carson Daly, NV

2006-05-18T13:49:00.000-04:00

So here's the dill.

Man, I like Firefox.

I finally got through all of my emells. Feel free to emell me anytimes nah.

I was bored yesterday, so I decided to invite people to use Google Talk with me. I thought at the time that you wouldn't need Gmail to use it, but I was wrong. That's a good thing, because now all the people I invited can join Gmail. Go ahead and give yourselves a pat on the back.

I didn't go to bed two nights ago, because the seniors wanted me to come cook out with them in the Shelbyville Senior High School parking lot.

I went to bed later that day, after watching a program on Harry Houdini on The History Channel. Well, I also went to imdb.com to check up on Kingdom Hearts II voice actors and ended up drawing some lines between "Drawn Together" and Final Fantasy X.

I slept for only about five hours yesterday, and then I was tired. I went to Stefan's dad's house (if you can believe that happy crappy) to hang out with some people. Clinton the Coffey maker came over, and I went with him and his girlfriend to a place to get a drink (Pepsi). We came back and had a good time. Some guys wanted to see my penis because they had heard rumors that it wasn't really as big as people say it is. They believed it when they saw me pull it down to my knee.

I ended up leaving that bunch, because I was hungry. I had no money, and no one would buy me a taco if I were to have driven them to Taco Bell. I went home and had some noodles, meatloaf, pop-tarts things, some shit and some other people.

I read a little while I sat sat on the toilet, and then I warshed my face and went to bed. I would have taken a shower, but I had to get up rill early to call Elwood to talk about my job offer.

So I guess it was about four o' the clock when I got in my bed. I couldn't sleep, and I'm not sure if I ever did. I got up at 7:45 a.m. I watched some cartoons, and then gave the Elwoods a call at 8:05 a.m. I go in tomorrow for initiation or lubrication or whatever it is. It should be good. I'm going to be building transmissions for lawn mowers or some stupid shit. I'm pretty excited about that. I don't know what the word is on blogging about my job, but I hope it gets me fired.

So, after my phone call with the lady, I tried to sleep. I ended up playing Kingdom Hearts II while I was in bed. Then I tried to sleep again--didn't work. I sat up and made my dad make me some breakfast. Then I downloaded some things.

I had to stop my last download, because goddamn Limewire was slowing my shit down so much.

It got really windy awhiles back and made my room cold. The thunder caused Oreo to take shelter under my bed, where he resides to this day. But it's pretty nice out, I must say.

I tried reading a few minutes ago, but I only got a few pages in before I started shutting down.

The Da Vinci Code got some pretty terrible reviews. I'm thinking about not seeing it now. I don't like shitty movies based on good books. I like shitty movies, but I don't like them making a good book look bad. I don't think I've ever liked a Ron Howard film, but Dan Brown assured me this one would be good. I just don't know anymore. This was kinda neat (gay), though.

Well, I think I'm gonna start getting ready.

1. Get ready.
2. Lift.
3. Eat.
4. Shower.
5. Go to bed.
6. Get the fuck out of here.

2006-05-17T00:52:00.000-04:00

"I voted Google; now my teeth are white as can be."

Suddenly Dyke

2006-05-17T00:31:00.000-04:00

I decided today (yesterday) to remove all messengers (Yahoo!, MSN, Windows, AIM, and that's all I can think of) except for Google Talk from my computer. I also removed the SBC Yahoo! Explorer and Microsoft Internet Explorer to make way for Mozilla Firefox. I am excited about this for two reasons. I also removed my brother's and sister's accounts from my computer. I saved their files to my desktop should they ever ask for them. I uninstalled many silly games that I've never played, as well as my entire collection of pornography. I realized quite some time ago that I just don't have the time for these things.

Tonight has been nice so far, and that's about all I can say about that.

Start here. Then try this. You don't need this, but it's really neat. You do need this, but don't bother with any of that stuff, because you can get all that and more with this.

Now that you've seen how great google is, you can help with the struggle.

If you have and questions or comments, comments go here, and questions go here (diskreaderror@gmail.com).

I haven't had time to check my email today, goodbye.

Ten Things I Hate About 1,497 Unread Emails

2006-05-15T23:43:00.000-04:00

Because that's how many I still have to go through.

Got through a little over a thousand today. I think I'll take a shower and read now.

You'll be getting some good picture stories soon.

Ten Things I Hate About Nick

2006-05-15T17:10:00.000-04:00

2,591. That's the number of new emails in my inbox. I will now try to clean that shit up. If you've sent me an email in the past few months, I'll probably be seeing it today.

6,489. That's the number of emails in my spam folder. I'll probably be adding some today.

222 MB. That's 8% of my 2,724 MB limit.

Be back soon.

2006-05-13T19:16:00.000-04:00

My sister sat, laughing on the couch after hitting my mom in the face with Oreo's ball. I wasn't quick enough getting my phone, so I apologize for not having a hilarious picture of her bloodied face.

I'm Still Not Done

2006-05-09T22:28:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to run, but Ashley just doesn't seem to want to do it with me. I'm pretty lazy when I don't have anyone to push me, but I'm luckily going to at least be getting out of the house for awhile tomorrow night.

I'm getting fat.

I want to lose fat and gain weight.

Look at that trophy.

Fuck It

2006-05-09T22:23:00.000-04:00

Tonight was supposed to be the night for Nick picture upload time, but blogger is refusing to cooperate.

Wait a day or two. I promise I will figure something out.

And we all know that's probably not true.

Sorry, I have another call. Let me put you On Hold.

You will get bugs, because you're too lazy to shoo them off. And then you'll die.

2006-05-09T22:13:00.000-04:00

Started reading Stephen King's Cell the other night. Very good. Coming right along. Don't believe in using subjects anymore.

I got rid of a bunch of shit just now. Pictures and whatnot. A little over 5gb freed up now. That means I should be adding a certain Morrowind section to my PC tomorrow.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a three-month-late Nick post to attend to.

2006-05-07T21:02:00.000-04:00

I just touched this bookmark for the first time in my life.

Googol

2006-05-06T16:58:00.000-04:00

David Vice is speaking about his book, "The Google Story" on Book TV on C-SPAN2 right about now. This guy is pretty much awesome. I've been a huge fan of Google for a few years now. I'm always going to Google Labs to see what's new for me to download and what I can play with, but this guy knows a lot, and I really wanna work for Google now. I'm going to have this book one way or another. My birthday is coming up in just over eleven months, so keep that in mind.

I spent a great deal of time at Stefan's yessirday. I had been playing Gran Turismo 2, and then I wrote a blog, and then Stefan called me and told me to come over. I ended up watching a special on Chris Farley on E! before going. When that was over, I decided to take my sister and some of her friends to her boyfriend (Cole)'s house. Then I went to pick up Adam Gaudin. I talked to them peoples, then Adam and I went to my house so I could return the trimmer to my dad and go potty.

Once at Stefan's, I talked to his dad, Goran, for just a little while, and then we met Jordan and shot around. MeLiSsAB 055 showed up and we all hung out. We went inside and watched a great deal of season six. People came and went during this period, and then I had to take Adam home. I went home and ate spaghetti. I got my you-know-what and went to Stefan's house to drink it. I shared some with this one chick. I can never remember her name. Then Stefan and I drank and smoked and ate and talked for hours and watched videos and talked to Audrey and then I went home hours later listening to Ignition. It is a short drive between our houses, but I wanted to listen to the CD a whole lot, so I drove around for awhile. I got home and read a chapter from V for Vendetta then I took a shower and went to bed with Gatorade in my belly and shit.

My brother woke me up a few times, because he likes to sleep with the phone. He also is on my computer 24/7. He likes pissing me off. Kill him for me. I am on my computer right now. He finally got up. So I eventually grabbed the phone, and put it in the hall.

I went back to sleep and got up at 2:30 p.m. I played Kingdom Hearts for a few hours and here I am, watching Boyz N the Hood. Goodbye.

Support Your Local On Hold

2006-05-05T16:13:00.000-04:00

Here's the bulletin they posted on Myspace.

Hey guys, lets clear some things up. First off, the show at Occasions is canceled. Next, we still need plays on the Ernie Ball Battle of the Bands. We are in 9th out of all the bands signed up from Indiana! Thats good, but we still need more! All you gotta do is go to www.battleofthebands.com/onhold and listen to both songs all the way through once a day. Its that simple, and you could possibly get us on warped tour. It would mean so much to everyone of us, as a band, as musicians, and people. Thanks guys. We love you all!

Zip

So go ahead.

I'll even make a dill with you. If they make Warped, I'll post more blogs.

2006-05-05T15:18:00.000-04:00

I just found out about this. It's so easy and awesome. I just want to try it out this one time, and I'll probably never use it again.

Homo One More 'gain

2006-05-05T14:53:00.000-04:00

I come home yessirday. Got my TV hooked up. Hold on. Let me take a picture. No. Never mind. Fuck you. You wanna see it, you can come have a peek.

I'm in the middle of cleaning up my hard drive. This means I'll be quicker to do stuff.

Um.

I've got a paper to scan. I'll put the normal version up, so you can copy and paste it to all your friends. I want the actual paper in here so you kids can see the comments Kevin left me.

I'll also put my other paper on here. I won't be able to put the one I turned in on here, because I don't have it, and I won't be getting it back.

My brother is getting emoer and emoer every day. Yessirday, he broke things in my mother and father's room with a hockey stick. He wouldn't tell them what he broke, so I kept making comments about him breaking stuff with a hockey stick. My parents didn't like me doing that, because my brother might try to shave his wrists.

Milk smells like Oreo. I don't know why, but it's kinda gross.

I asked my brother what he broke when we were alone, and he told me he was throwing the volleyball around our room and hit the closet door.

I finished Prince Caspian last night. I was supposed to make an outline for Zach the other night, but I ended up nearly being raped at the lake in Rockville.

I had let Rachelle borrow some of my great DVDs I picked up. Somethin' like The Matrix. I was worried that she would lose something. She didn't. But she did let a girl she hates borrow one of the disks, and that girl lost it. Thank you, Rachel. Goodbye, "Family Guy" Volume One, Disk Four.

I think I'm gonna end it with that.

UpTate

2006-04-29T19:56:00.000-04:00

Haha. I'm very funny.

Started writing for rill this time.

Might start submitting things this summer.

I would like to say I will write in here more often, but I just don't want to.

I still hate Nick.

I don't really hate him. I just like pissing on him, I guess.

Now I've got some shit on my arm.

I'm working on a new blog project.

Coming soon (just like your mom).

I beat Kingdom Hearts 2 about a week ago. I think it took about 40 hours.

Need to clean up my hard drive so I can do things again.

Have a few movies and over a thousand pictures I could get rid of.

I think that would help.

I found a guy to produce and sign my friend with the piano.

That means I should be rich rill soon.

Though, now another guy in Chicago who doesn't even have a label wants to sign her.

I'll hopefully get a million dollars or so either way.

Grrr.

That's the sound a bear makes.

No.

Dog.

Bears say Roar.

No.

I think bears can say Grrr.

Link.

Did I say I'm writing?

I had a bunch of dreams last night.

Well, it was more like one dream with waking up every hour or so.

That's what my writing is based on.

This story.

I was an amazing dream.

I wish I could understand it better.

I hope I'll be able to figure it out by writing about it.

I'll write more soon.

I think.

I like writing.

I'm not writing from my computer right now.

I would probably blog more if I had a faster computer.

Hopefully I'll be able to get that shit off there and we'll be back in business.

I'm reading The Chronicles of Narnia and a couple other things right now. Very good.

I wish I could go back to high school English and show the teachers how they should really do it.

I am so much better than I was a couple months ago.

And I plan to keep getting better.

I'll probably evolve into a Raichu very soon.

Mark my words.

As long as I'm around, you're all in danger.

I still need to call Grandfather to wish him a happy birthday.

I'd just leave him a comment, but he won't give me his myspace link.

It was his birthday days ago.

I'll remember to call him one of these days.

I'm talking about Jim.

Not Robert.

Is it Robert?

I think that's right.

People called him Bud.

I don't know why.

My dad says they call him Bud Lite now.

I guess that's kind of a joke.

He's dead, you see.

And I guess that means he has fewer calories.

Makes sense to me.

I'm getting very fat.

When I put on weight, most of it goes to my head.

The rest is in my midsection.

Except for the 70 to 80 pounds of muscle.

That's all in my huge dick, big pussies.

I can't wait for Kingdom Hearts 3, because three Kingdom Hearts games just aren't enough.

This computer works much better than mine, but the keyboard has slut all over it.

I need to wash my hands.

Let me finish.

Who said you guys could order a pizza?

I had to pee a little while ago, but now I'm fine.

I just found out everyone's gay.

I thought that figure sounded a little high, but it's pretty accurate.

This is getting ridicalus.

Bye.

"It's called check mate!"-Bread

2006-04-22T00:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I get mentioned in the media, and it makes it easier for me to write a blog (something I'm terrible at keeping up on). I can simply link to the article and be done with it. Thank you, cancer.

Humor

2006-03-22T14:28:00.000-05:00

Google pissed me off once by not publishing mylast blog. I managed to recover a fraction of the post. I was really pissed, but I refilled what I could.

About an hour later, I was further pissed off when I found that my first attempt to publish had worked, and Google had simply lied to me to piss me off. So, you now have two versions. I like the newer one better.

I'm leaving them both out in the open for everyone to see. I don't care. I hate you.

"Brutally witty. . . .

2006-03-22T14:12:00.000-05:00

So the picture upload thing would not work last night. I'll just do this and then try again.

Thousands have taken it.......let's see if you can handle it, you drunken bastard! If you answer 'no' to number one, then there is no need to keep going. But if it's 'yes', then let the answers roll!!!!!

1. Have you even been drunk? No

2. How old were you the first time you got drunk? I was fourteen the first time I got high on marijuana. I think I was fifteen the first time I drank.

3. Have you ever gotten/given digits while intoxicated? Like on the phone?

4. Have you ever 'drunk dialed'? I've drunk speed-dialed.

5. Have you ever been drunk in front of family members? Not really. Wait. Yes. My sister. And my mom. And dad. And brother.

6. Have you ever had to cover up the fact that you were drunk? Once. I came home after my first time. My mom followed me into my room, because I almost fell when I took my shoes off. And I tried to take my pants off so I could take a shower. I fell into my closet. And then I took a shower. Then I played drunken Gran Turismo 3. My dad asked me if I was alright, so I tried to keep still. Zach and Stefan told me to go straight to bed, but I didn't. I did all of this.

7. Have you ever been arrested for any alcohol related crime? No. But I would like to some day.

8. Have you ever hooked-up with someone while drunk? Clinton Coffey. Friday night.

9. Ever forgot their name? Yeah. I knew what it was on the last question, but I can now no longer recall.

10. When was the last time you were drunk? Friday and Saturday

11. Have you ever been on a drunken binge? No. I wish. Yes.

12. Do you need alcohol to have a good time? I don't need alcohol. I need food and water.

13. What kind of alcohol gets you the most intoxicated? Rubbing.

14. Favorite liquor: Rubber buns.

15. Favorite beer: Deer.

16. Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking and found out that you are STILL drunk? It's the best.

17. Have you ever swam drunk? Yes. If I remember correctly. And I probably don't.

18. What kind of a drunk are you? Fun. I like to yell at people, touch boobies and fight people.

19. Is alcohol l

I am not filling this shit our again!!!! It was awesome, too!!! Fuck you, Google!!!!!

Okay. I'll try.

I may not want to think on some of these anymore, so I will just answer with "Fuck."

19. Is alcohol like "truth serum" to you? I never lie.

20. Favorite drinking partner(s): Dandelo.

21. Favorite bar: Fuck.

22. Have you ever completely blacked out? Fuck.

23. Have you ever puked from drinking? There are other things to consider.

24. Have you ever had the 'crying drunks'? I thought it was because Tamara was emo, but not that you mention it, thank you.

25. Can you still do physical activity while intoxicated? I tend to run and hit nick in the head. (Thaddaeus that one's for you)

26. Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight? All the time.

27. Who is the most annoying drunk that you know? Kaitlyn and Ani.

28. Who is the most flirtatious drunk? Zach Tatlock.

29. Do you have a drunken nickname? Citizen Dildo.

30. Have you received a 'booty call"? Dad, Citizen Dildo won't come out of the closet.

31. Funniest drunken scene in a movie: The last scene in Vanilla Sky. I was so drunk, I cried.

33. Have you ever woke up next to someone you didn't know? I don't sleep.

34. Have you ever been hit on by someone way older than you? My dad.

I will leave 35 as Krista Huffer has it, because she is right on the money.

35. What's the worst 'buzz kill'? someone getting really really sick (Nick lol) or someone getting in trouble

4rill. That's what she put. Ask her. Go on.

36. Have you ever dated a bartender or bouncer or cocktail waitress? Fuck.

37. Do you ever say to yourself, "Dang, I Fuck. I didn't mean to backspace that far.

38. Do strangers ever buy you drinks? Fuck.

39. Have you ever drank too much on a date? I don't date, I write.

40. Is there anything that you refuse to drink? Vanilla Coke.

41. Have you ever been drunk on a plane? A few. The Great Plains.

42. Have you ever gotten drunk during the day? It's always good.

43. Have you ever had to run from the cops and leave the beer behind? Fuck shoes.

44. What's your favorite drinking game? fuck the dealer (dealer)

45. Have you ever injured yourself while drunk? just my spine

46. What's the most destructive thing that has happened while you were drunk? I broke my spine while fighting a guy.

47. Ever been drunk at a concert? Fuck.

48. Is this survey getting too long? It is this time, goddammit.

49. Are you ready for the last question? Does this answer your question?

50. Why do you drink? So I can urinate on Nick later.

"Brutally witty. . . .

2006-03-22T13:35:00.000-05:00

So the picture upload thing would not work last night. I'll just do this and then try again.

Thousands have taken it.......let's see if you can handle it, you drunken bastard! If you answer 'no' to number one, then there is no need to keep going. But if it's 'yes', then let the answers roll!!!!!

1. Have you even been drunk? No

2. How old were you the first time you got drunk? I was fourteen the first time I got high on marijuana. I think I was fifteen the first time I drank.

3. Have you ever gotten/given digits while intoxicated? Like on the phone?

4. Have you ever 'drunk dialed'? I've drunk speed-dialed.

5. Have you ever been drunk in front of family members? Not really. Wait. Yes. My sister. And my mom. And dad. And brother.

6. Have you ever had to cover up the fact that you were drunk? Once. I came home after my first time. My mom followed me into my room, because I almost fell when I took my shoes off. And I tried to take my pants off so I could take a shower. I fell into my closet. And then I took a shower. Then I played drunken Gran Turismo 3. My dad asked me if I was alright, so I tried to keep still. Zach and Stefan told me to go straight to bed, but I didn't. I did all of this.

7. Have you ever been arrested for any alcohol related crime? No. But I would like to some day.

8. Have you ever hooked-up with someone while drunk? Clinton Coffey. Friday night.

9. Ever forgot their name? Yeah. I knew what it was on the last question, but I can now no longer recall.

10. When was the last time you were drunk? Friday and Saturday

11. Have you ever been on a drunken binge? No. I wish. Yes.

12. Do you need alcohol to have a good time? I don't need alcohol. I need food and water.

13. What kind of alcohol gets you the most intoxicated? Rubbing.

14. Favorite liquor: Rubber buns.

15. Favorite beer: Deer.

16. Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking and found out that you are STILL drunk? It's the best.

17. Have you ever swam drunk? Yes. If I remember correctly. And I probably don't.

18. What kind of a drunk are you? Fun. I like to yell at people, touch boobies and fight people.

19. Is alcohol like "truth serum" to you? I never lie.

20. Favorite drinking partner(s): Dandelo.

21. Favorite bar: Alcohol: The Movie

22. Have you ever completely blacked out? Not while I was drunk.

23. Have you ever puked from drinking? There are other things to consider here.

24. Have you ever had the 'crying drunks'? YES!!! I'm so excited. I didn't realize it had anything to do with me drinking. I thought I was just sad that Tamara was emo.

25. Can you still do physical activity while intoxicated? Yes. I like to run and hit Nick in the head. (Thaddaeus that one's for you)

26. Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight? Yes!!!

27. Who is the most annoying drunk that you know? Kaitlyn and Ani.

28. Who is the most flirtatious drunk? Zach Tatlock.

29. Do you have a drunken nickname? Citizen Dildo.

30. Have you received a 'booty call"? Dad, Citizen Dildo won't come out of the closet.

31. Funniest drunken scene in a movie: The end of Vanilla Sky, when I was drunk and I watched it, because it's good.

33. Have you ever woke up next to someone you didn't know? I don't sleep.

34. Have you ever been hit on by someone way older than you? No. Well, my dad.

Allow me to leave Krista Huffer's answer to number 35, because she was absolutely right.

35. What's the worst 'buzz kill'? someone getting really really sick (Nick lol) or someone getting in trouble

That is seriously what Krista put. You can ask her yourself if you'd like.

36. Have you ever dated a bartender or bouncer or cocktail waitress? I don't date, I write.

37. Do you ever say to yourself, "Dang, I need a drink"? No. I don't talk to myself. That would be totally gay.

38. Do strangers ever buy you drinks? Non.

39. Have you ever drank too much on a date? What the fuck did I say?

40. Is there anything that you refuse to drink? Vanilla Coke

41. Have you ever been drunk on a plane? I've been drunk on The Great Plains.

42. Have you ever gotten drunk during the day? I'd like to think so.

43. Have you ever had to run from the cops and leave the beer behind? No. Fuck shoes.

44. What's your favorite drinking game? fuck the dealer (when i'm the dealer)

45. Have you ever injured yourself while drunk? GOD YES!!!

46. What's the most destructive thing that has happened while you were drunk? My spine.

47. Ever been drunk at a concert? No.

48. Is this survey getting too long? It's always been too long.

49. Are you ready for the last question? Humor.

50. Why do you drink? So I could take this survey.

L

2006-02-23T14:31:00.000-05:00

This poster would be a lot better if it was a picture of a catholic priest.

Hahaaaa, this survey is strong boy. Thank you, goddammit.

2006-02-18T15:05:00.000-05:00

Name:: Blere
Age:: Fitteen
Gender:: Mell
Height:: Phi sump'n
Weight:: $
Ring size:: About ten inches.
Pants size:: Most pants are too small in the penis area.
Shirt size:: Small
Shoe size:: 13-14
Piercings:: Martinings
Tattoos:: Mattoons
Hair color:: Dark One Lite
Hair length:: Let's just say if I was one of those guys, I wouldn't need to cut my hair.
Eye color:: White
Zodiac sign:: Librarian
Chinese zodiac sign:: Oxford
Body type/size:: Large/obese
Birthday:: October Sky
Birthplace:: Shelbyville, IN
Place now:: Bloomingdale, IN
Race/ethnicity:: Caucasian - German/Irish/Fetish
School and grade/year:: Native Americana University, sophomonehreome
Natural hair color:: Charlie Brown
GPA:: 3.14
Blood type:: Homomo, I forget
Hobbies:: Sleeping, music, Internet, movies, drinking, smoking, partying, chilling, let's make sure internet is capitalized
I.Q.:: I.Qu.
Do you excercise:: If walking around campus counts, then yes. If not, yes.
Are you healthy:: Sometimes...he touches me in my pants.
Fun?:: ions
Serious?:: No, it's a fake knife.
Sarcastic?:: more plastic
Funny?:: People laugh at me, but I would like a normal banana later, so yeah.
Cute?:: ip
Pretty?:: Much
Good-looking?:: Relativity
Beautiful?:: I wouldn't say so. No, but a few do
Optimistic?:: Lions
Smart?:: yar
Opinionated?:: Yes. We should s
Outgoing?:: .
Shy?:: With people I don't know how to kill.
Unique?:: Am I unique?
Sweet?:: Salty
Hyper?:: Haha, no
Talkative?:: I don't like it when people talk about nothing.
Creative?:: These bites were made for poppin.
Imaginative?:: myHummp
Gloomy?:: gloomy
Happy?:: sometimes
Depressed?:: Occasionally
Silly?:: Don't be stupid.
Loud?:: Do I look like a dumb bitch to you?
Quiet?:: Yeah
Dependant?:: defendant
Loyal?:: to the king
Truthful?:: to my god too
Clever?:: ceven
Confident?:: this movie is stupid
Annoying?:: i wish i was watching something else
Artistic?:: sidekick
Musical?:: Heavens no, Hell yeah
Poetic?:: more than you can guess
Charming?:: Not around redheads
Wise?:: always
Special?:: K
Magical?:: testicles of a newt
Sensitive?:: Yes
Lustful?:: Hahahahahahahahahahaha, I am very shiny.
Sexy?:: Beating my kids.
Horny?:: Um? Mom...
Loving?:: Yessss
Lazy?:: Haha yes
Stylish?:: I am me. I think.
Normal?:: not at all
Goofy?:: Yep
Brave?:: I don't know. Put 'em up! Put 'em uuup!

[Section 2 - This or that about you]

Righty/lefty/either:: I use my left hand when the right gets tired.
Glasses/contacts/none:: My glasses were behind the toilet the last time I was them. Contact.
Punk/goth/prep/thug/??:: All and none of the above.
Innie/outie:: It depends on if I'm having sex with a guy or a girl.
Tan/pale/average/??:: Gone where, outer space?
Freckles/none/huge dick:: none

[Section 3 - Family]

Mom's name:: Linda
Dad's name:: David
Siblings/their names/their ages:: Blair-1791
Dead family members:: Huge dicks, big pussies.
Do you live with your siblings?:: Chris
Parents married/divorced/neither?:: that's morbid
Parents together/separated/dating/none?:: Dating
Do you have any stepparents?:: my medication
Ex-stepparents?:: my mom
Do you have any children of your own?:: i have other people's children
If so, what are their names and ages?:: i'll never tell
If not, do you want any?:: Never/Again

[Section 4 - Favorites]

Color:: Pink
Food:: Mac & cheese or beating my kids
Drink:: Diet Sprite
Candy:: Mr. Goodbar bites... mmmitch.
Flavor:: pizza
Movie:: You've Got Nothing
Band:: Bad Religion, The Offspring, Millencolin, Lagwagon, Fall Out Boy, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Full House
Game:: Final Fantasy IX, Legend of Zelda, Tom Spalding
Element:: Elephant
Music type:: Indie Anna Jones
Actor:: Vince Price
Actress:: Eliza Dushkukuku
Month:: Weekend
Season:: Spring
Holiday:: Summer
Shampoo/conditioner:: John Travolta's Black Brunette
Song:: Movie
Number Number Number:: One One One
Phrase:: "Fuck shoes/me, holla"
Letter:Word::Crazy:Dead
Magazine:: Electromagnetic Gothic Morbid
Restaurant:: Taco Bell
Sport:: Punching Kaitlyn in the face
Animal:: Puppy
Language:: I wish I spoke Italian.
Girl's name:: Blair
Boy's name:: I believe it's Haydn
Flower:: Wiggler
Country:: Gulf of Mexico
Weather:: Sunny, slight breeze, 98 degrees
Person:: Blair Kteve. Juuuuuust fuck around.

[Section 5 - Nothing]

Sexual orientation:: Aaron Blain
Are you a virgin?:: Sometimes. Not in the winter.
Do you like to have nothing?:: That's all a good Christian soldier like myself needs.
Do you like to have oral communication?:: Dido
Do you like to have anal nothing?:: No, but I do enjoy anal sex.
Do you like to give more or get more?:: I get more than I take.
Do you usually give more or get more?:: In terms of calories, yes.
Does size matter?:: Well, I don't want to come between you.
Do you like to kiss?:: It's fine.
French kiss?:: Never done it.
Make out?:: French kiss
Favorite position:: James LaChance
Are you more dominant?:: I suppose
Or more submissive?:: I suppose (i did not even see this one coming)
Do you look at porn?:: Who has time (for anything else)?
Do you masturbate?:: Absolutely not.

[Section 6 - Fiends]

Would you consider yourself a good friend?: It depends which me you want.
Would you rather have a lot of friends or a few good friends?:: One good fuck and a few supporters.
Who is your best friend?:: Michael, Mom
Do you have a lot of friends?:: Too many to count in one round
How many good friends would you say you have?:: 20 or so
Are you a good friend?:: I hate my life
Has anyone ever told you that you were a good friend?:: They've told me to get out of their closet.
Has anyone ever told you that you were a bad friend?:: Ani has, but she's a stupid bitch.
Do you tend to be more outgoing or shy?:: Christian
Do you consider yourself to be better than your friends?:: Not all of them
Do you consider you and your friends to be better than everyone else?:: Haha, yeah.
Do you think your friends ever get tired of you?:: It happens a lot.
Do you ever get tired of your friends?:: I have scars.
Do you like to make new friends?:: Yar
Do you talk a lot?:: I can if someone has red hair.
Are you nervous when you talk to people?:: A little, if I don't know them very well
Do you ever say your someone's friend just to make them feel good?:: Ani. But it's only so I can turn around and hurt her feelings later on.
Do you ever lie about who your friends are?:: I sometimes lie about being friends with The Sand Lot.
Do you ever play people as friends to make yourself look good?:: As if I don't look too good the way it is.

[Section 7 - Love]

Do you believe in love?:: I believe in fantasy...
Do you believe in love at first sight?:: Final Fantasy
What is love?:: IX
Have you ever been in love?:: If by love, you mean quicksand.
Are you now?:: Haha. That would be weird. Yes.
Have you ever told someone you loved them?:: Haha. That would be weird. Yes.
If so, were you telling the truth? If not, would you?:: Haha. That would be weird. Yes.
Are you married/divorced/neither?:: I'm married to my work.
Are you with someone/single/dating/none?:: I'm with Josh Lee. I believe I'm single, but I sometimes wonder if there is someone else in here. I use my datebook a lot. Some.
Do you believe in soulmates?:: Soul Caliber
Could you ever fall in love with someone of a different religion?:: I already have. She's black.
Different ethnicity?:: Absolutely not.
Same gender?:: That would be simply hilarious.
Different political views?:: I wouldn't mind an arguement every now and then.
Do you love certain material possesions?:: Yes, the ones with emotional value city
Certain hobbies?:: I really like kicking and throwing things and playing golf in the house at my parents' area, breaking shit and watching my mom clean it up.
Your friends?:: Not really.
Your family?:: Oreo.
Yourself?:: At times.
Do you have a crush?:: A one.
Do you date people just because of how they look?:: I don't date people for anything.
Do you care how people look?:: I don't like it when people look at me. Unless I'm yelling at someone. Then it's fine.
Would you date someone who was sweet even if they weren't good-looking?:: If they were hot
Would you date someone hott even if they were assholes?:: If I wanted to get them in my basement.
Would you date someone who was nice to you but asshole to others?:: I love that kind.
Would you date someone for their money?: Yeah.
Would you use someone?:: I think that's illegal
Have you used someone?:: I plead the fifth.
Have you dated someone just for their money?:: Yeah. My dad.
Have you ever dated someone who was sweet but weren't good-looking: I believe it's pronounced "wasn't."
Have you ever dated someone who was hott even though they were an asshole?:: Yeah. That's the last time I ever date my asshole.
Have you ever dated someone who was nice to you but an asshole to others?:: I'm getting tired of these questions.
Would you ever date someone for sexual reasons?:: Moby what?!
Have you?:: What? Have I what?
Would you ever have an internet bf/gf?:: Maybe to be funny. I think I would like an internet GF. Haha. You know.
Have you?:: I'm not gay.

[Section 8 - Politics and such]

Are you a democrat?:: No.
Or a republican?:: No.
Or independent?:: No.
How do you feel about abortion?:: Pro-choice
Gay marriage?:: Pro
Smoking?:: Pro
Marijuana?:: Pro
Drugs?:: Depends
Illegal immigrants?:: No
Premarital sex?:: Yeah.
Porn?:: No
Alcohol?:: Pro
Racism?:: No
Whores/prostitution?:: No
Cloning?:: No
Suicide?:: Yes
Death penalty?:: Yes
Religion in government?:: No
Our president?:: Hell no
Downloading music?:: Yes
Burning CDs?:: Burning toast.
Animal testing?:: No
School uniforms?:: Sure
One nation, under God?:: No.

[Section 9 - Religious beliefs]

What religion do you practice?:: Nature.
Have you ever practiced a religion besides the one you practice now?:: I've never really been involved in anything.
Has someone ever tried to force you into believing certain things?:: Yes. And I hate them for it.
Has someone ever tried to force you to practice another religion?:: Yes. And I hate them for it.
Do you go/have you been to religious gatherings?:: Scary.
What religion are your parents?:: Testiclehead.
Do your parents care if you practice the same religion as them or not?:: My mom seems to think, because I'm her son, I'm her.
Do they know what religion you practice?:: My mom realizes I'm not a Christian every once in a while, and gets upset about it, and then goes on pretending I am again.
Are you open about your beliefs?:: Yes
Have you ever lied about your religious beliefs to look cool?:: I fucking hate that.
Do you believe a superior being exists/ existed and created life?:: These questions are bringing up bad memories.
One God?:: What?
Does God(s) have a gender?:: Does Gods know where is at?
Male/female/neither?:: Who the fuck cares?
No God?:: No God?! No food! I'm fucking hungry!
Heaven/Hell?:: Heaven
Jesus?:: Maybe
Angels/demons?:: Angels
Spirits?:: These questions are just silly.
Ghosts?:: No.
Miracles?:: Maybe.
Aliens?:: Yeah.
Love?:: No
Fate?:: Lot.
Horoscopes?:: Start Here
Astrology?:: Asstrology
Luck?:: I can't be funny all the time.
Animals are superior, inferior or equal to humans?:: Humans are animals.
Night and day differ for a religious reason?:: Haha. Yeah. It's because God likes it when his toothbrush glows in the dark.
Ethnicity making someone superior/inferior to others?:: If they are of a fat ethnicity.
Do you dress certain ways to express your religion?:: Maybe. No.
Do other people assume what religion you practice by what you wear?::
Do you meditate/fast/chant/other?:: Other
Do you believe/agree with everything about your religion?:: Did Russell write these up? I'm on to you, Mr. Russell.
Do you believe you're right and no one elses religion matters?:: I believe everyone is right. The problem is that there are too many idiots.
Do you ever doubt your religion or religious beliefs?:: I doubt your religious beliefs, Russell.
Do you believe in yourself?:: Depends.
Are you open to other religions?:: Not really.
Do you feel superior to people who don't believe the same things as you?:: Somewhat.
Do you think everyone should practice your religion?:: They should think for themselves.
Are you interested in learning about other religions?:: Yar.

[Section 10 - Animals]

Do you have any pets?:: Yes
If so what are they? If not, do you want any?:: A dog, Oreo. A bitch, Ashley Megan. And one cunt, Daddy.
What kind of pet would you like to have?:: A homosexual.
What is your favorite color on animals?:: White. Blond hair, blue eyes.
Do you believe people should keep pets?:: As to eating them?
Do you enjoy animals?:: I enjoy eating them.
Do you like taking care of animals?:: Dolphins (when they get caught in those silly nets).
Do you animals keep you company?:: Maybe. Do you?
Do you kill animals?:: I touch animals in their pants.
Do you hunt?:: No.
Do you hate animals?:: Yes!
Do you like small/big/all/no animals?:: I like small animals a lot more than I am going to fuck her.
Do you think animals are treated poorly?: She kicked my dog.
Do you wish you could change the way people act towards animals?:: I wish I could change the way people act towards pirates.

[Section 11 - This or that]

Big/small:: Huge dicks, big pussies.
Cat/dog:: Catdog
Black/white:: White
Coffee/tea:: Coffee
Pepsi/coke:: Coke (Dell)
Soda/other:: Other Soda
Wine/beer:: Pills
Pope/none:: Pulp
Scary/comedy:: They both make me laugh and kill people.
Books/magazines:: Books
Noise/silence:: The noise of my tommy gun; the silence of a thousand dead horses.
Winter/summer:: Summer
Autumn/spring:: Autumn
Summer/spring:: Spring
Winter/autumn:: Autumn
Night/day:: Day
Hugs/kisses:: Hugs
Life/death:: Life
TV/movie:: Movie
TV/book:: Book
Fruits/vegetables:: Vegetables
Meat/vegetables:: Vegetables
Cigarettes/alcohol:: They go together
Cold/hot:: Cold
Normal/different:: Different
Male/female:: That's stupid
School/none:: School
Red/blue:: Red-blue
Smart/fun:: Fart/smun
Love/hate:: Love
Salt/sugar:: Salt
Chocolate/vanilla:: Chocolate
Evil/good:: Good
Clean/dirty:: Clean
Angel/demon:: Angel
Sunrise/sunset:: Sunrise
Punk/goth:: Punk
Punk/prep:: Punk
Goth/prep:: Prep
Truth/lies:: Truthiness
Citrus/tasteless:: Tasteless
Cake/cookies:: Cookies
Sun/moon:: Moon
Rain/snow:: Rain
Piercings/none:: long hair
Short/long hair:: piercings
Brand name/couldn't care less::
Pool/ocean:: Pool
Penis/pencil::
Sports/wet pussy:: Sports
Wet/dry:: Wet pussy
Math/shower:: Math
Microsoft Worksorks/glowsticks:: Fireworks
Lick/bite:: I like to bite big pussies and lick sangwiches.
Naked/clothed:: concrete/union workers
Intercourse/phone:: phone

[Section 12 - Education]

Do you go to school?:: Dogs pee on brick walls?
Have you gone to school?:: HH
What's your level of education?:: Very Easy, Five Stock
Do you like school?:: I like wet pussy
Learning?:: to love again
Have you ever been homeschooled?:: It felt like home.
Would you rather be homeschooled or homesextial?:: Haha
Would you rather go to public or private school?:: It would be neat to go to a school for the blind.
Have you ever skipped school?:: I've left class by popular demand.
Faked sickness to get out of school?:: I was afraid of Mrs. Jackson.
Been suspended from the beam?:: Seventeen
Expelled?:: Gas
In detention?:: Only slightly
What's your favorite subject?:: Exploring
Least favorite?:: Rules
Your schedule, block/periods/neither?:: K
What are your grades generally like?:: Beeeeee good.
Do you have many classes with your friends?:: I have friends in my head.
What classes do you want to take?:: Racially Segregated

[Section 13 - What makes you]

Happy?:: Time, Dancing, Acting
Sad?:: The Future
Laugh?:: Me, fat people with retarded looks on they face
Dance?:: Huge dicks
Sing?:: Boko Baba
Horny?:: WWE Wrestling, Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage
Scared?:: Death, People, The Future
Look good?:: have a huge dick
Feel good?:: Being asleep
Feel bad?:: Not being asleep
Cry?:: Watching Vanilla Sky when I'm drunk.
Jealous?:: Fiction
Envious?:: Dead people
Scream?:: Almost running into some chick at Warped.
Angry?:: My mom, people leaving, people leaving all the time
Smile?:: V
Flush?:: Going potty or BM.
Sleepy?:: Working out
Excited?:: The future
Nervous?:: People I don't know.
Hungry?:: People I am about to kill.
Thirsty?:: Hot pussies
Feel lonely?:: Knowing I'm alone. Period.
Sick?:: Not sleeping
Mean?:: Lack of sleep + people + stupid people
Want a hug?:: gs
Want a kiss?:: I don't have a mouf.
Bored?:: Mmph mmmm m uuuuuuu.
Crazy?:: Thinking. Change. Stupidity.
Feel strong?:: Beating the shit out of Nick Allen.
Feel important?:: Looking at everyone else
Quit?:: Running out of continues.

[Section 14 - 1-10 Rating, How important is/are]

Friends:: 10
Music:: 10
Love:: 10
Happiness:: 0
People:: 0
Silence:: Sideways 8
Animals:: 10
Education:: ???
Religion:: 10
Life:: 0
Medication:: 0
Food:: 10
Sleep:: 110%
Health:: 0
Wealth:: -0
Nature:: 10
Shopping:: 0
Fun:: 10
Comfort:: 0
Water:: 10
Sex:: Sex
Clothes:: No clothes.
Alcohol:: Rubbing (wet pussy) alcohol
Cigarettes:: No clothes.
Computer:: 10 \Phone:: Wet/dry:: wet pussy

[Section 15 - Have you ever]

Went skinny dipping?:: Gone fat dipping (that means I fucked a fat guy)
Done drugs?:: No, but I fucked a fat guy.
Drank alcohol?:: No, but I have a huge dick.
Played strip poker?:: No, but I'd like to.
Climbed a tree?:: I wore the drapes.
Fallen from a tree?:: I scraped me knee.
Bungee jumped?:: I huwt my finga.
Been to Disneyland/world?:: Yes. (Haha! I lied!)
Been stung by a bee?:: Yar.
Pierced yourself?:: I pierced my other self.
Sky dived?:: No, but I've played strip poker.
Rolled your tongue?:: I can roll my huge dick.
Made a clover with it?:: Oh yeah.
Skiied?:: On the water.
Run into a wall?:: You know it.
Been on an airplane?:: I don't believe so.
On a train?:: Life is good.
Fainted?:: That's a made-up word, Jim.
Thrown up on purpose?:: No. Alcohol fixes what the doctors can't.
Eaten an insect?:: Not my fault.

[Section 16 - Misc.]

What color are your socks today?:: Yellow. I went potty on them.
Is that your monkey over there sneezing?:: Racist!
Do you own a spotted umbrella?:: I own a spotted nigger.
Do you like sporks?:: Yes, football.
What about chopsticks?:: Yes, hl
How many fingers do you have?:: Counting my penis, one.
Do you have any stiches?:: I give stiches; not get.
If you could be anything/anyone you wanted, what/who would you be?:: A rock in a stream. Far away from the reach of people.
Is your mushroom broken?:: I'm afraid so.
Do you abuse/starve your sims?:: At first I thought it said anus. It doesn't; it says sims.
How many candles do you own?:: Counting my huge dick, all of them.
Do you wear scarves?:: If someone else puts them on me.
Would you care if I licked your face like a cow?:: I'd probably be sent to tell you I killed him.
Are the bunnies pink?:: Their wet pussies are.
What about the hampsters, what color are they? Green Green
What do you think about make-up?:: It's ridiculous.
Random word that starts with Q:: Qu's Marsh
If you could live anywhere, where would it be?:: The past.
Do you like to be naked?:: There's nothing like it. I wish I could get the police to understand that.
My life has never been a bed a roses:: It would be really weird if has.
Munchy munchy have a taco for:: rill.
Yes that comes in:: my mouf.
I got:: here late.
Baby, life is like a ride on a:: mirrored track.
What is life?:: A chance to wonder what life is.

Porkchop Sandwiches

2006-02-09T20:32:00.000-05:00

I went to the eating hole with Ani and Ross the other night at Ani's expense. Much to my surprise, they were serving porkchop sangwiches. I wasn't hungry, so I simply asked a young man for a picture. He agreed wholeheartedly.

"Porkchop sandwiches! Get out of the house!!" -Luke Lockridge

Bride of Chuck Norris

2006-02-09T19:30:00.000-05:00

If Chuck Norris died and ended up in a doll, we'd all be fucked.

Chuck Norris is most likely the most popular 65-year-old on Earth right now. Carlos Ray was born March 10, 1940 in the small town of Ryan, Oklahoma. He is a blackbelt in Tang Soo Do as well as everything else you can think of. He is a 6-time World Karate Champion and was on "The Best Damn Sports Show Period" last night.

He traded Chuck Norris knowledge with everyone.

Everyone laughed and had a good time.

He has the whitest, most beautiful smile.

When the show was over, he killed everyone--even Stefan's black wife.

Fuck THatt

2006-02-08T13:32:00.000-05:00

I AM: Sean Hudson
I WANT: some goddamn respect
I HAVE: a tumor. His name is Joe. I named him after Kyle.
I WISH: i had more scabs
I HATE: stupid people
I MISS: my other foot
I HEAR: an emo cunt
I REGRET: not tying her up
I ALWAYS: swallow
I AM NOT: real
I DANCE: for money
I SING: along
I CRY: when i'm an emo cunt
I WRITE: when i feel like it
I WIN: nothing important
I LOSE: track of reality
I CONFUSE: dreams with dreams
I NEED: a loan
I SHOULD: be playing nintendo at the mall with midge
I WILL: have to stop shitting in my house

[YES OR NO]
You keep a diary: in a way only jesus can see
You like to cook: um if by 'cook' you mean 'suck his dick'
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: yar
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: my watch is a thing
You believe in love: i believe in gay sex

[WHO IS]
The weirdest person you know: Other Blaire
The loudest person you know? Black Kaitlyn
The person that knows the most about you: most likely Stefan, since I've been married to him for a good ten years
Your crush: MTV

[DO YOU]
Take showers: only if it's alright with mtv
Want to get married: if nick and jessica can't make it, how will i?
Have any tattoos/where: i've got scars
Piercings/where: seven/1000s
Get motion sickness: Bond is here!
Think you're a health freak: not really
Get along with your parents: my dad, and my mom when she isn't talking or doing anything but eating florida chips
Like thunderstorms: man...i can not think of anything better

[WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF?]
Ryan: Foster
Rob: Kill
Drew: a penis
Heather: Feather
Will: you at least touch it?
Frank: Blair
Eve: Eevee
Lauren: Loren
Michael: Basic
Ricky: Lux
John: Lehe
Jane: Smith
Justin: Lee (o:
Jack: off
Lisa: Blair
Boris: Escape.

[RANDOM]
NATURAL HAIR COLOR: i don't know anymore, but it's brown
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: really dark brown
EYE COLOR: different
PARENTS: What?! You want me to kiss your brother Jake?!
SIBLINGS: Brainen, Ashley Shit and Oreo
LIVE IN: Dead

[FAVORITE]
NUMBER: seventeen
COLOR: vagina color
DAY: whichever is the gayest
MONTH: now
SONG: anything country time grill and shit
FOOD: chicken fuck
SEASON: nice season (especially morning)
SPORT: killing people with a hammer
DRINK: diet sex
VEGGIE: green beans or dick in a can
RELATIVE: Oreo

[PREFERENCES]
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: hot chocolate
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: milk
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: chocolate

[IN THE LAST WEEK, HAVE YOU]
CRIED: what is that?
HELPED SOMEONE: yar
GOTTEN SICK: i hope
GONE TO THE MOVIES: nah man. hell nah.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER: no way
SAID "I LOVE YOU": yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: yeah "S"
TALKED TO AN EX: i talked to blaine's ex
MISSED SOMEONE: yes
HUGGED SOMEONE: yes
KISSED SOMEONE: yes
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS: yeah, i took them both down pretty quick
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND: he's my God too

Ah Hell Nah

2006-01-18T23:13:00.000-05:00

Your IQ Is Homosexual

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius

Your General Knowledge is Genius

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Is He a Pig? He Sure Eats Like One

2006-01-18T22:48:00.000-05:00

Your Seduction Style: A Bald Monkey?

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

That's a Weird Looking Cure

2006-01-18T22:38:00.000-05:00

You Should Be A Cure

What's good about you: you're incredibly kind, caring, and generous

What's bad about you: you can be too moody and impossible to understand

In love: you enjoy wining and dining the object of your affection

In friendship, you're: likely to depend on other friends for emotional support

Your ideal job: historian, marine biologist, or religious figure

Your sense of fashion: you dress to match your mood

You like to pig out on: classic home cooked meals, like mac and cheese

What Sign Should You Be?

233

2006-01-16T00:35:00.000-05:00

That's how many pages I got when I saw the print preview for my entire blog. If you want to print it out and take it with you, it might get expensive. Don't be stupid.

Review Relapse

2006-01-16T00:14:00.000-05:00

I started reading all I've written in here tonight, and I must say I like what I've seen so far. I've only gotten through February 2005, so I still have a ways to go.

There are a lot of typos, and I thought I had taken care of those years ago. And I always misspell laid. Anyway.

I guess I won't be drinking tonight.

Can someone tell me what I was talking about in this post when I said true or false?

I am pretty sure it was something big, but I just can't seem to remember what it was. I'm sure Eric Byrer will remember though. So it's no big deal.

I'm a pony!

Today was Fine

2006-01-15T20:14:00.000-05:00

I watched SCL Punk. It was a very good movie. I was skeptical at first. Blaine has led me wrong with movies in the past, but this time was different. Just like most times.

Um. I almost broke my back the other night when I got drunk. That was two nights ago. I skipped last night because I wasn't feeling well. I don't think I need a comma there. It doesn't matter. I'm not using one. But I plan on drinking again tonight.

I watched some good Christian programming yesterday. I spent most of the day in bed, dozing and learning Christian ethics. I took some pictures of this one program that seemed incredibly stupid until the end. Now I want to watch it again and again. I'll tell the whole story once I get the pictures developed.

I've got a picture of myself from fifteen years ago in my facebook profile. I hope Nick Conner is satisfied with it.

Listen to me.

I don't have class Monday. I think that's tomorrow, but it's good either way.

That's all I have for you today.

Good luck with school, and stay out of trouble.

I admit I sucked his dick last night

2006-01-11T18:18:00.000-05:00

I'm kidding. I just played with it with my toes a bit.

Eric & Dylan's Excellent Adventure

2006-01-10T19:19:00.000-05:00

So most of my new classes are good thus far. It was nice being able to choose what I got to take. I'm not in the retard program anymore, so I can now do what I want. I think the first class I got to meet was comm 101. It seems like a lot of fun. We are supposed to get up and talk about stuff. That Is something I like doing. Public speaking is the number one fear for most people, with death taking a distant second. This is why I'm going to shoot myself in the face when it's my turn to go. Everyone will love it.
The second class I had was music somethin' er other. Wait, yes, it was. We got to listen to music and talk about it, and it all seems very exciting. I want to hang out with this guy. He seems to know a lot about what I like. He kept talking about music and music theory and other such things. I need to get this book read. I also sat next to this one minority guy that I recognized from my retard class last semester. He is a good friend of mine (no, it's not what you're thinking, he can walk). I sat by him, and I think I'm better than him anyway, so let's change the subject. Then I had PE and a PE lab. They both seem pretty stupid. The thing is, I know everyone in my PE lab, which Nick Flynn introduced me to but is not in. Joe Nippleson, Katie Adams, that runner guy I know and my minority friend are all in my group. But it still seems like a bunch of crap. Waste of my time is all it is. My God.

I had computer science today. I couldn't log onto the school computer with my stuff, so the guy sent me to the computer place to get it fixed. They told me it would be a few days before the problem would be fixed, and I went back to class and did nothing. But the thing is, he said we don't ever have to come to class. We can just do all of the stuff from our own computers and send it to him.

My lastest class was psy 101, which is a human sexuality class. It is fun and we all seem to have a good time with it. I again saw some familiar faces. Sat them around me, and said penis and vagina with the rest of the class. This is my main interest right here, but like I said.

I lifted for the first time in a long time last night, and I got to boxercise tonight. Tomorrow night I might do this other thing, but I will be lifting as well. Then end.

Though I may be having a good time so far, I am extremely tired. I think it may be all those two day days I saw over Christmas break. They were fun, but they are starting to take their toll. And if we don't pay no tolls, then we don't eat no rolls. Plus, I'm going to take a shower right now, because I am still very dirty.

Just a Remainder

2006-01-08T15:45:00.000-05:00

Don't lok at my previous post. It was stupid, and I don't know what I was thinking, doing it in such a way. Please forgive me for the precious little time it has costed you.

19 ways to win a girls heart

2006-01-08T15:10:00.000-05:00

1. Hugs from behind.
2. Grab her hand when you walk next to each other(don't make her grab yours).
3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.
4. Cuddle with her.
5. DON'T FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING.
6. Write little notes.
7. Compliment her Honestly.
8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9. Be super sweet to her.
10. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
11. Comfort her when she cries.
12.Wipe away her tears
13. Love her with all your heart.
14. Pick her up and flirt with her (she'll scream and say put me down but really she loves it).
15. Be a gentleman (hold the door for her).
16. Don't let your friends talk trash about her, it'll get back 2 her!
& DONT ever act diff in front of ur friends than u r when its just u and her!!!!
17. Take her for a long walk at night!
18. Always bring a blanket where ever you go outside to comfort her and hold her close
19. NEVER LIE TO HER!!!!!! because then she will think everything you ever said to her was a lie, even "i love you"

Girls - repost this if you think it's sweet

Guys - repost this if you would do any of it

....by opening this.... you have been given bad luck for 2 months 4days and 7min, but if you repost this bulletin guys will get the girl they want and girls will get the gut they wont within 1 month from 2 day. Title it "19 ways to win a girls heart

1. Hugs in the garden from afar.
2. Grab her purse when you walk next to each minority (don't make her grab yours).
3. When standing, wrap your arms around her bellybutton.
4. Cuddle with her uncle.
5. DON'T FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING YOU WOULDN'T FORCE YOUR MOTHER TO DO WHILE YOU WATCH.
6. Write little staves. (I hope no one gets this one.)
7. Compliment her face with a bucket of shut the fuck up.
8. When you hug her, hold her in your chambers as long as the police don't know.
9. Be super sweet to her, unless she's fat, then kill her.
10. Call her at night to fish her sweaty streams.
11. Come on her when she cries.
12.Wipe away her evidence
13. Love her with all your male friends.
14. Pick her up and tickle her feet with your dick and say it's a feather (she'll scream and say put me down but really she has no say in the matter).
15. Be a gentleman (hold the pickles).
16. Don't let your friends talk trash about her, it'll get back 2 the future!
& DONT ever act difficult in front of ur friends than u r not gay when its just u and her, ya know!!!!
17. Take her for a fool at night!
18. Always bring a blanket where ever you go outside to comfort her and hold her clothes
19. NEVER LIFE TWO THERE!!!!!! because then she will think everything you ever said to her was a lie or just not true, even "i love you"

Girls - repost this if you think it's sweaty

Guys - repost this if you would do any of it just for kicks

....by opening this.... you have been given bad luck for 2 months 4days and 7men, but if you repost this bulletin guys will get the girl they want to eat and girls will get the guy they want within 1 moth from 2 gay. Title it "19 ways to win a girls body glove

Back at Schoolio

2006-01-08T15:01:00.000-05:00

This one's for Nick.

I'm back at school.

I wish Nick would kick my dog, so I could, well, you know.

Love always,
Nick Alien

Going Back to Schoolio

2006-01-08T09:15:00.000-05:00

If you want to have a glance at me, I'll be back in a couple of weeks for Tyler Walker.

But I'll let you know when I get there.

Love always,
Blair Christopher Michael

My Shit, My Shit My Shit My Shit, My Lovely Lady Shits, in the Back and in the Shit

2006-01-03T19:16:00.000-05:00

I confess in 2005 that I...

(x) stayed single the whole year.
( ) got your first kiss
(x) kissed someone new
( ) made-out for the first time
( ) made-out in/on a car
(doubt it) kissed in the snow
(don't think so) kissed in the rain
( ) fell in love
( ) fell in love with a fool
( ) had your heart broken
(haha, yeah) broke someone else's heart
(only slightly, only slightly) had a stalker
(what kind of relationship are we talking about here?) had a good relationship with someone
(who hasn't questioned my sexual orientation) questioned your sexual orientation
(nothing new) came out of the closet
(i tried) gotten pregnant
(i wish) gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
( ) had a gay marriage
(andytheheck) kissed someone of the same sex
( ) dated someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
(no) lost your true love
( ) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL

( ) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
( ) changed jobs
( ) lost your job
( ) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
() got straight A's
(i met a few i liked) met one teacher you really like
( ) met one teacher you really hated
( ) found the subject you love
( ) failed a class
(x) cut class
(x) skipped school
( ) got into a fight with a classmate (not a physical fight)
(x) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
( ) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(no one can prove anything) proved yourself an idiot
(everyone knows me) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
(Guell) fell in love with a teacher
(i did!) got head in the school play
( ) made a varsity team
( ) made a junior varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget
( ) got sent to the office

OTHER

( ) painted a picture
(didn't write enough) wrote a poem
(ran a few) ran a mile
(yes, i did listen to louis l'amour) listened to music you couldn't stand
(she wouldn't let me) double-dipped
(blaine and i got in the shower with jon one night) skinny-dipped
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went to camp
( ) threw a surprise party
(i cried til i laughed) laughed till you cried
(i peed in my pants until i kept laughing) laughed till you peed in your pants
(i flirted shamelessly til i laughed so hard that i came in my pants) flirted shamelessly
( ) visited a foreign country
(yeah) visted a foreign state
(i cooked some disastrous crack) cooked a disasterous meal
( ) lost something important to you
(x) got a gift you adore
(most likely) realized something new about yourself
(everyone is on a diet) went on a diet
(i can't get much higher than 190) tried to gain weight
(x) dyed your hair
(all the time) came close to losing your life
(no) someone close to you died
(x) went to a party
(x) drank alchohol
(i drank alcohol underpants) drank alchohol underage
( ) tried drugs
(x) got drunk
( ) got arrested
(x) read a great book
(x) saw a great movie
( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(no) saw your favorite band/artist live
(four of them, and i gave one a note, and i talked to two of them, and that's it) saw someone famous in person
( ) did something you want to tell everyone
(not really, but it was really good sometimes) Enjoyed this year overall

I'm Just Lazy

2006-01-03T03:01:00.000-05:00

Oh shit! Get away from me you ugly bitch!

I've got to do this so I can get back to making new friends on the TV.

2005-12-28T13:30:00.000-05:00

I was bored last night/this morning, so I decided to read every single available entry in my blog.

Then I decided to change how I was wearing my hat.

Then I laughed and had a good time.

Then I threw up.

Then I noticed there was someone in the wall, taking pictures of me.

And then I said goodnight to Andytheheck.

And that was my night.

Einstein had a cat. That's neat.

2005-12-28T09:58:00.000-05:00

This is a good article.

Justin, I know you don't read my blog, but this really helps my argument.

Sad Face

2005-12-23T20:40:00.000-05:00

I am really sad right now, because I took a bunch of really good pictures of my dad, bleeding from his head rill bad, and I thought I had sent them to myself, so I deleted them from my phone. When I checked my e-mail, dead. So I'm sad. Oh well. Maybe I'll punch my dad in the head again someday.

So, what I did today was played games.

Happy face.

My Brudder

2005-12-20T18:53:00.000-05:00