My Weekend Tastes like a Napkin

Friday night--you know, Friday night--I watched some stuff and slept on my bed. After that, I went to see Stephanie. When I got to her dorm, I waited outside, and a guy came out and I was able to get in, and I went up a few levels, and I put my sweatshirt over my head and faced the wall, and she walked by and looked at me and she didn't even know it was me, and then I went after her, and she turned around, and I scared the shit out of her. We watched "The Simpsons" (my sister says she thinks you use quotation marks for TV shows, so if it's wrong, kill her and let me have my name) and ate potatoes and touched each other at Adam's apartment.

I just got done listening to Stomping Ground, an awesome album from Goldfinger. It had been like a year since I last listned to any Goldfinger. I just now started talking to my friend, Justin Schmitt, and he asked me if I've listend to any of the new Goldfinger, and I freaked the fuck out.

Then we went to (censored), and there were a bunch of birds flying around. Then we went back to the dorm-place, where we drank liquids and got on that one guy's screen name and took off our pants and traded shirts. I left, and on my way home, I saw a car behind me, and I was sure he'd come to kill me, so I started writing a poem about it in my head, and then I put some of it down on paper when I got home, and I watched Blow and drank some stuff while I did this, and then I went to bed at about four o' the clock.

I got up at about one o' the clock yesterday. I recorded some stuff on the answering machine with my sister, then I went to the high school, and ran around with Jimmy for a while. And then I spent the rest of the time hanging out with The German and Adam Barlow and Megan and Amanda and Erica and Eric Byrer and my girlfriend Elizabeth Bir, and everyone in the choir room seemed to be taking their pants off, so I started taking mine off, and everyone yelled at me and made me pull them back up, and I was wearing my new Stephanie shirt, and it was really tight on my huge muscles, and everyone kept touching me, and this one hot chick we checking me out in the cafeteria, and she smiled at me, and I made a high-pitched shrieking sound, and I guess she changed her mind, because her face changed, and she walked away. I left at about 10:30. I was walking out to my car, and I saw two guys with my blanket, and the light was on in the car, and the windows were down, and they put my blanket on the hood of the car, and they ran away. I laid myself on the hood of the car and went to sleep, and they came back , and they were Zach Attack and Jon Lee and we talked, and it was cold, so I wrapped myself in my blanket and urinated in the parking lot, and then I went home, and then Jon and Zach came over, and then we went to Taco Bell, and I sat by these people from some school, and they didn't look at me, even though I sat there for a really long time, laughing and carrying on. Then Zach, Jon, and I got up to leave, and they all said bye to me, and we went to Zach's house, and I walked down the street, and peed in the street right in front of Coach Park's house, because there wasn't much light on that part of the street. I walked back to Zach Attack's house, and he showed me swimming pictures, and we watched "Extreme Dodgeball" and then Jon and I left at about 3:15 A.M., and I followed Jon home, and I caught him, and then I went home and took a shower and went to bed.

Today I gotta do some stuff, and I might play football, and I hope that's it.

German Salsa

Germany's birthday was yesterday, so Eric Byrer decided to have me come over to his house. I don't really wanna write about all that went down, but I went with Eric Byrer as he took Eric Byrer Two home, and I sat in back with Eric Byrer Two, and we kept hitting each other in the balls, then I grabbed his balls, and then we started hitting each other, just playing around, and then I punched him in his head really hard, and he started crying, and we all laughed and that's about it.

By the way-
True or false....

Slap in the Mexican

Today, today was good--yes. I went sledding after practice one. Well, I came home first and ate. My parents gave me an Orgazmo t-shirt because it didn't quite come in time for BLAIREmas (I guess I showed you, didn't I Sean Hudson?). Well, Susan came over to my house with Kylie to pick me up. We went over there and met Eric Byrer, Germany, and Felps. Susan Dyke went down the hill first and hurt herself. I went down after her and about broke the spinal chords. We found a new hill and had a good time with it, then we found the best one. We went down the best one a few times, and it was nice--I like you. After that, I noticed the pond. The water was mostly frozen on the topety-bop, and I thought it would be fun to see how much it could resist, so I went out on it. After going out a little ways and jumping around, Eric Byrer decided to join me. Once we were out about to there, Eric found a huge freakin tree limb or whatever. We started hitting the ice with it to see how much. We didn't get anywheres with that, as you might have already figured out for yourself, so Felps came around to try his luck. He lifted the guy way the fuck up there in the air and slammed it right on the ice. Well, the ice didn't break, but the wooden guy did, and the top half of it bounced right off the ice and blasted Felps right in his stupid, British head. We all laughed and had a good time with that one, yes. After that was over, Eric and I finished our journey to the other side, and all was good. We found a metal thing close to the other side, so we took it, and Eric threw it over there. We walked over to the place where the water was and the ice was very thin. Eric and I were holding hands when we heard the ice cracking beneath our feet. We quickly turned and headed in the other direction, and we made it out alive. After retrieving the metal guy, i returned to the thin area. I spent the next five minutes destroying the ice and flooding the place with water. When I got tired of that, I threw the metal guy on the thinness,and as luck would have it, my right glove went with it. You see, the metal guy had jagged edges, and it was this that took my glove and yes. I was quite fearful that my glove had gone into the water, and it had, only it was the water that had flooded the ice. Yes, it was that water. I then had to go out and take back what was mine. I took Eric's hand. He stood on the somewhat thick ice as I stepped onto the thin ice. As the ice creaked under my huge muscles, I reached out for my hat, I mean glove. I managed to grab it, and Eric pulled me to safety. We all left and went to swim practice, and lived happily ever after, except for Kyle, who died from AIDS two weeks later.