Credit Card? You Got It.

I know I say this a lot, but I just swung my right foot out too much when I turned into the bathroom. I didn't actually turn into the bathroom; you know what I mean. Anyway, this miscalculation led to me losing two toes. I used to make this mistake all the time when I was younger. I actually can't remember the last time it's happened. My foot hurts.

My good friend Jesse (I call him Jess. He left a comment for me yesterday under that name, but he is Jesse everywhere else on Blogger. I'm not quite sure how he managed to pull that one off.) has recently started a blog. I find this to be quite exciting. You see, Jesse will be going off to school soon and I shall need a way to monitor his movements. His blog only has one post in its current state, but it will most likely grow to several hundred in the next few months. His first post is a very good one. He describes the joy of his two new, very good friends described as "one male and one female." He has decided to keep the names classified because he feels names are pointless and all that matters is that we all support President Bush. I couldn't agree with him more, but I'd still like to share these names with you. The "boy" he writes of is none other than the late, great Nick Allen. I don't know where Jesse's fondness of Nick came from. It must have been that night Nick wouldn't drink because he had to drive home in ten minutes (Pussy! Cough!Cough! Pussy!). I just checked my medication that I haven't taken in months, and I have six half-pills left. Let me know. They're gonna go fast. The "girl" in this mysterious tale is also a good friend of mine, Zachatatl. You see, the night Nick wouldn't drink was also the night everyone else did (Cough!Cough! StrongBoy!). Zach later decided to piss all over my dad's car. This caused bad blood between the two of us. The problem with this was the fact that I already had enough bad blood from the raised prolactin levels. It was fine when I could lactate, but now I have milk coming out of one titty and Bon Jovi classics coming out the other.

My point: We need more people in power setting good examples for our youth. Jesse, being the big CEO that he is, doesn't need to go to college. He already has all the riches any man could possibly dream of. What could he possibly accomplish by going to college that he hasn't accomplished at this point? Well, I'll tell you. He's setting an example for people like Derek Weaver--people who are poor and ugly to the most extreme circumstance.

I need ice for my foot. Holla-atchaboy!