Balls State

Several months ago, amid a night of sitting around a fire, participating in certain things, my dear friend Sam began to speak of the troubles he has in finding friends to travel with him to his alma mater, Ball State University.  I suggested that I might have an interest in pursuing such a trip with him sometime in the future, due to my need for social activity and constant approval of people I hardly know.  He instantly became enthralled at the idea of taking me up to Muncie with him and insisted that I let him know when I had a weekend free for such a journey. All I had to do was ask to have a weekend off from work, and we'd be set.

For some time, I had been planning on attending the birthday celebration for my other dear friend, Kate.  Her constant coquetry and sense of humor kept me interested, so I promised to be in attendance at the gathering at a certain downtown Indianapolis bar for the celebration of her existence.  The date set for the party was the ninth of October.  I had been looking forward to it ever since attending the same celebration the year prior, and I knew she had been looking forward to seeing me there even more.

The week before that of Kate's birthday I received an SMS text message from Sam: "Take next weekend off you asshole. It is Ball State's homecoming and you will be going there with me."  I had a decision to make.  On the one hand, I care deeply for Kate, my ex future roommate.  On the other hand, I really need to get out and meet some new people and get really drunk and make an ass out of myself.  In the end, I decided to do the right thing.  I picked up the phone and texted my future roommate, telling her something had suddenly come up and I wouldn't be able to make it to her party.  It pained me to have to do so, but I had a feeling it would bring us closer together in the end.  I was wrong about that.  Long story short: she's dead now.

It comes time to leave for our trip, and we do a couple things on the way there. We eat, we watch Sam's brother's football game that he isn't playing in because of an injury.  We go to meet Sam's dad in the parking lot behind the school.  Sam suggests what we are all thinking: that his dad is about to murder the three of us and harvest our organs.  This turns out to not be the case, and we are all grateful.

From there we go to a Marsh somewhere.  The bitch at the office won't punch in a goddamn card for us, so I slapped her in the face.  We got out of there pretty quick.  There was a girl service clerk taking out the trash who kept eye fucking Sam, so we helped Sam throw that bitch in the dumpster.  We don't put up with eye fucking; that's sexual harassment, and sexual harassment isn't cool.  You sexually harass, you get killed.  That's the rule.

Later that night, Sam got into a heated debate on his Android smart phone.  I wish I could recall what it was he said that was so funny, but I just can't seem to find that memory.

Around this time, everyone starts drinking.  I think I left out the part where we arrive at the house, but that is exactly where we are.  I'm drinking. Other people are drinking.  We go to the liquor store at some point to get some more drink, and I get even more drunker after that.  I eat a bunch of food from the people's fridge while they are not looking.  Finally, I convince Sam to get the fuck out of that house and try to look for some women.  Sadly, by this point, I was a little too fucked up to really be in control of my actions.

By the time we got to the bar, I was ready to do something else.  I'm not sure what it was I exactly wanted to do, but I walked out of the bar and quickly found myself not knowing where I was.

I walked around a bit, and I eventually heard someone yelling some shit at me.  I turned to investigate, and I found that it was a young man standing on a porch at a house party.  I approached the person and convinced him that I meant him no harm.  I said a few things to him, then another guy came out and told us we had to go inside.  My next memory is being in the bathroom at the same house (I think) with a few other people.  As I walked out, I realized that I didn't know anyone, and I wasn't in any shape to be making new friends.  I left.

After strolling around a bit, I ended up hearing someone else yelling at me.  This time, it was a girl and a guy.  I approached the two, and the girl assured me she would paint my face for free.  It sounded like a good deal at the time.  She painted my face and we talked; about what, I have no idea.

Anyway, I'm only about one fourth of the way through this story, and I'm gonna go ahead and call it quits.  It's taken me around a month of writing this, and I'm using way too many inconsequential details, and I think it's totally gay, and I haven't even written about the funny parts of the trip.  Fuck it.  Don't read this post.

Cock Nugget

I would just like to start by saying I have nothing against Muslims.  My beef in the past was with Comedy Central.  Muslims acted as they do, Muslim extremists acted as we expect them to and Comedy Central acted like pussies as we expect them to, but they did it far more than they reasonably should have.  Again, I don't hate anyone, unless you want to consider Comedy Central a person.

Dick Ripple

On my latest outing to Broad Ripple, I ran into several people that I have known throughout my life.  It was nice to see them and hear them talk about my big penis.  I also ran into three people I didn't know.  These were the most intriguing people to talk to, because the approached me as if they knew me.  Upon investigating their intentions, I found that it was actually my penis they knew and not so much the person behind the penis.  After spending some time thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that people are more interested in knowing my penis than they are me.  It makes sense.  My penis is far more attractive than me and has a much better personality.  It is for this reason that I have decided to start living my life vicariously through my penis.

On 200

I wrote a lot of shit here, so, if you don't want to read all or any of it, at least have a look at the videos I've posted down below..

South Park's 200th episode aired last week to high expectations.  The creators of the show had assured everyone that they would be packing every single person they have ever made fun of into a single 22 minute episode and be done with it.  This turned out to not be the case.  We were left with several cliff-hangers by the end of the episode, leaving loose ends to be tied up in a future episode.

The celebrities were all there, Tom Cruise leading the others.  South Park tends to stir up some controversy every now and then, but this time it was Tom Cruise at the heart of the problem.  After years of putting up with bullshit from the town of South Park, Tom has decided to lead all the shows victims to sue the town for everything it's worth.  But where is the controversy in that?  I'll tell you where it is.  Tom Cruise has other plans up his sleeve.  As it turn out, Tom Cruise wants to use the pressure on South Park as a means for him to get a chance to see in person someone he has always wanted to meet: the prophet Muhammad.

Muhammad seems like an obvious character to include in such an episode of South Park.  He had been depicted previously in the show, uncensored, in episode 504: "Super Best Friends."  Here he played alongside other religious figures as superheroes, whose job was to take down the evil David Blaine and his religion, Blaintology.  From that season on, Muhammad could be seen in the show's opening sequence at the beginning of every episode, even the episode in which Comedy Central censored to prevent any type of retaliation from crazy Islamic groups.  This episode was in response to both the Jyllands-Posten contoversy, after having printed cartoons of the prophet Muhammad, and comparisons the show had received to Family Guy.  In the show, the Family Guy writers have decided to show Muhammad for shock value.  Comedy central censored the image in the second part of the episode, and everything was fine.  In response to Comedy Central's decision to censor the image, the creators ended the show with Jesus Christ and George W. Bush defecating on the United States flag.  While the meaning of this seems obvious to me, I sometimes hear others talk about how random and senseless the ending is.  So, to quickly point out the obvious...

In America, we have a freedom of religion.  Despite this, many of our citizens believe us to be a Christian nation, and to a great extent, we are.  The Muslim world has proven several times to be against America, and has also shown that its ways are almost entirely incompatible with the freedom available in the United States.  Matt Stone and Trey Parker show us, despite all of the things we worship as Americans, Comedy Central is more willing to bend to the demands of our enemies than it is to care about attacks on the United States.

So, for the 200th episode of South Park, Matt and Trey brought back the subject of free speech for us, versus the ability to prevent free speech on the part of religious extremists.  The first image we get of Muhammad is a stick-figure drawing, to which one of the characters asks, "Is that okay to show?"  It seems to me that this would be offensive enough to Muslims, but South Park wasn't done.  The boys end up tracking down Muhammad, who is again censored from the show, but the characters come up with a great idea: putting him in a bear suit so he could be shown without being shown.  This is where they made a mistake.  It wasn't long until the Muslim nutcase website, Revolution Muslim (it has been down a lot lately, but if you really want to go there, Google has a cached copy), threatened (nearly guaranteed) death to the creators of South Park.  Anderson Cooper did a great piece on it last night:


Bill O'Reilly also did a little something on the subject:


So, what happens now? There is a follow-up episode due to air tonight at 10 pm. One of three things will happen on the new episode.

• Matt and Trey are going to reveal that the person is the bear outfit isn't really the prophet Muhammad, and the Muslim radicals are still going to look like assholes like they always have.
• Matt and Trey are really going to try to go all out to drive the point home.
• Matt and Trey are going to try to take the situation further, and Comedy Central is going to puss out once again and censor the show to prevent anymore madness.

The show will air in just a few hours, and we are going to find out whether the terrorists win or not.  After that, I might end up blogging about the outcome.  And I will probably go on a rant on the Muslim overlords ruling this country.  We'll see.

You can watch all of these episodes for free at http://www.southparkstudios.com/

Goddamn Aardvark. You Funny, Girl.

So, I've been using Aardvark since it was acquired by Google, and it's been working out really well so far.  I can honestly say it is way better that Yahoo! Answers.  What Aardvark does is, instead of having you come to its website to browse through questions you might know the answer to, it actually has you list topics you know a lot about, and when someone has a question about one of your topics, Aardvark sends the question to you in an email, and you simply respond if you have an answer.  Aardvark has always given me good questions in the past, but I got a question on easter that made me scratch my head.  What had happened was, I had previously allowed Aardvark access to my Facebook account, and as a result it was able to crawl my profile to pick up on other things I might know about.

From Aardvark:

Hi Blaire,

Nate just asked a question I think you might be able to answer. 

What is a good live flowering plant to buy a mother for Easter? That can be found quickly - Nate G. 36 / M / San Francisco, CA

To answer, just reply to this email.

If I don't hear from you soon, I'll ask someone else -- but you can answer anytime. 

- Aardvark

Now, I don't know much about flowers other than the fact that that's where we get vanilla. I had to look at the bottom of the email to find out what had given Aardvark the idea that I was a good person to ask on this subject. "I sent you this question because you have *Taking my clothes off in church* in your profile."  Good call, Aardvark.

Lyfe of Brian

For the three of you who realize that I have changed my name to Brian, here is the explanation.  If you were expecting something sweet and awesome as shit, I'm sorry.  You won't find that here.

After seeing Steve (I think his name is Steve) many times at work, where he can clearly see my name tag, it dawned on me that he hadn't been calling me Brian because he thought it was funny.  He really thought my name was Brian.

The other day, a man who often comes in to send faxes called and asked me a question.  I answered him, and he asked if I was Robert.  I assured him I wasn't Robert, and he asked me if I was Craig.  I told him I wasn't Craig.  He then asked me if I was Brian.  We have a Robert and a Craig, but no Brian (R+C+-B).  I knew that he must have been talking about me when he said Brian.  I assured him at this point that he was actually talking to Judy.  He further tried to find out who I (Brian) really was, but I wouldn't back down from my Judy story.  He finally gave up and I was able to go about my shit.

Later in the day, I started thinking about how often people call me Blaine and Blake and stupid shit like that.  I don't have a problem with my name being Blair or having people come up to me and telling me that their granddaughters are named Blair or that they think my name is exotic.  I like that shit.  What I don't like is being reminded of how fucking stupid people are when my name is on a goddamn tag right in front of them, and they still call me stupid shit.  So, I have decided to fix this problem by selecting my most popular name: Brian.

Please, be aware that I will no longer respond to Blair.  I will respond with a smile and nothing else (which means I just lied).  I will now only respond to my God-given names: Brian & @TheRealJohnKing.

Tom Short Evolution

    I was heading to my logic class, and on the way there, I came upon a group of people situated outside the entrance I use to get into the building.  There was a guy addressing the crowd, and I didn't really care to know who he was or what he had to say.  I find that people who want to be heard usually have nothing but stupid shit to say and are only talking because they are assholes.  This guy might be an asshole or he might not.  I don't know for sure, because I'm still not familiar with him.  Anywho, I'm walking up the steps to go into the building, and I hear someone shout something alone the lines of, "Why are you here again saying the same bullshit you said yesterday.  It's all just bullshit, and you just like to tell us this bullshit, and you don't give anyone with a different opinion to talk."  This young fat boy seemed angry, and this is something I rather enjoy.  Why is he angry? I thought to myself.  The answer is likely because he's fat, but there is also a part of me that understands where he was coming from.

    When someone claims to have the answer about something abstract like the existence of a god, and they come up with things to support their conclusion, many people surely can see where this type of logic (illogic) is flawed.  The realize that building evidence to support a conclusion is ridiculous in such terms, but they don't seem to know how to explain why it is so ridiculous.  This idea in particular seems like a good enough argument to get things started to me, yet when I heard the young man and other heckling the speaker, they never had a response to anything he had to say after their initial outbursts.  I would assume that they are speaking up because they have logical thoughts to add to the discussion, but they just don't follow through once they've entered the field.  There are two possibilities I have come up with to explain this problem: when someone starts speaking up, they don't really have any idea what they're talking about and just want top fuck shit up, or they do have something worth adding but don't know how to present it in front of other people.  To be honest, the preacher didn't seem life-threatening to me, and I had no reason to stick around when I had homework I needed to do.  When I really think about it, he was only preaching to the choir and to those who didn't have the sense to pick up a real book and learn about reality.

    I went to class and borrowed a book from someone, because I found this morning that I had lost my book.  While I was working on my homework, I received a text from my highly homosexual friend, Alex Miller.  He asked me if I had seen Tom Short on campus the day before, and from what I read on Google Voice, I responded, "Hahaha.  Dude, you will enjoy my story kinda."  I'm not sure what the hell I was talking about, and I guess Alex won't enjoy the story kinda since I don't remember what it was.  I'm guessing it wasn't that great a story anyway based on my using the word kinda.  

    After class, I exited the same way I came in.  Tom Short was still out there preaching whatever he was trying to preach, and I instantly heard someone yelling something stupid out like it was something to do.  Tom then began telling everyone he hoped they would go to heaven.  Everyone was blocking my way in every direction, so I was forced to walk right through the middle and impose on his stage.  This would have been the perfect opportunity for me to say something had I wanted to.  At the time, I didn't care one way or the other what was going on, so I just passed through.  I have shit to do, and I've waisted plenty of my life listening to assholes argue about whose ideas are God's ideas and why people should do shit.  I just didn't really care.  This is America, as they say, and I was just fine with him being there saying what he wanted to say.

    I walked to the computer lab to print out some papers I need to read for a class, and I ran into an old friend from a class I had taken last semester.  I already knew this guy was a Xian, so I wasn't surprised when he started talking to me about the "soldier" on campus.  I knew exactly what he was talking about, and I was upset that it had come up.  This friend (I don't know his name, btw) is a good guy, and I hate having to listen to friends say stupid shit.  I hate hearing it, because it's hard to tell them you don't really give a shit about what they have to say, because you're supposed to be friends with them and be there to listen to them and rub their backs and suck their dicks.  After I told him I had seen the soldier, he proceeded to tell me who he was talking about as if I hadn't just told him I knew who he was talking about.  "He's God's soldier."  Anyway, he starts laughing about Tom and shit, then he tells me he's a Xian and everything, and then he starts saying something else.  I believe he was about to tell me what he thought was so odd about Tom, but he changed the subject to the ignorant motherfuckers on campus.  I thought Oh shit to myself, because I had a feeling that this guy was gonna start saying people who believe in reality are ignorant motherfuckers.  I can take a lot of stupidity, but criticizing logical people for being logical is where I draw the line.  "These motherfuckers just stand there and shout, "Fuck you, God's not real you fucking retard," is what he really said to me.  Totally not what I was expecting.  I was surprised by how much I agreed with him; though, I'm sure my reasons were different from his.  At this point I let him know that I agreed, "Yes, because even though God isn't real, it doesn't mean he's a retard."  I knew this would set my friend off.  "Not only that, but he has a right to be here saying what he has to say just like anybody," he responded.  At this point, my head started spinning (not literally, but that would have sweet).  I like talking to religious people who aren't completely crazy, thinking the voices they hear are the only things that matter in life.  My friend was a religious person, yet he still had sense in him.  We may not have agreed on our reasoning, but we were still able to agree on our reasons.

    As I was driving home, I started thinking about how I felt about everything that had happened during my day.  I thought about how I didn't care that a man came to campus and started preaching things to explain a world he didn't understand.  It is a university, so most people are there learning about the real world anyway.  They don't really need someone who doesn't know to give them answers to questions that they were probably learning about anyway.  Still, people ask a lot of stupid fucking questions, like "If God is real, then why do people suffer?"  That shit's deep (not).  There's a real world here, and shit happens.  Here's a better question: "Wouldn't it be weird if there wasn't any suffering in the world?"  Think about it.  Let's say someone is in a car accident.  Let's make it a head on collision at 100 miles per hour.  Now, some people question why there is suffering in the world, when it is quite obvious that if bad shit happens to people, some magical force should come and save the day.  The man or woman who was just killed, to these people, logically should have come out of that shit without a scratch if there really was a God.

    My example of suffering in the world doesn't really get at what I'm trying to say here, but it's a foundation.  I wasn't using the example to show that God wouldn't exist in a world without suffering; I merely wanted to point out that people ask stupid questions when they don't know how to deal with the emotions of life.  When something bad, like a fatal car accident, happens, people need to have someone or something to blame.  They for some reason can't deal with the fact that we are just bouncing around space-time, and shit happens.  Shit just happens.  When someone tragically dies (as opposed to non-tragically dying) many people either need God to be there to take the blame for what happened.  Others like to have God not be there as a means of explaining what happened.  We see examples of this type of logic on huge scales rather often.  The best example I can think of in recent history is 9/11.

    After 9/11(/2001, just to be clear), people took to the internets to talk to (supposed) scientists to find out what really happened on that day and who was really behind the attacks.  9/11 was such a huge deal, that many people didn't know how to deal with the idea that we weren't prepared for a bunch of loser terrorists to jump down from their monkey bars and attack us from within our own country.  Despite the overwhelming evidence that 9/11 happened the way it was said to have happened, there were plenty of people willing to ignore this for the strange idea that George Bush (our god in this story) was the one to blame.  Even though evidence that George Bush was behind 9/11 was almost entirely nonexistent in comparison with the evidence that Osama bin Laden was the mastermind, people still wanted to cling to the idea that it had to have actually been Bush.  Some people don't understand the world they live in, so they decide that God must be behind everything.  Other people don't understand 9/11, so they look to George Bush and say, "I don't get it.  It must have been George Bush.  How do people get to the point where they think their lack of understanding gives them reason to make something up and tell others that they have the answer?

    If you are thinking this is the shit I was thinking about on my way home from school, you're wrong.  I was going to talk about that, but I ended up on some dumbshit tangent.  I'm not sure how I got here or where I was going, so let's just back the fuck up an get back to where I really wanted to go.  I should warn you right now that everything I've said up to this point has been bullshit, and if you've read this far, I'm not giving you a refund on however much of your life you just wasted.

    I want to go back to the campus evangelist who visited my school today (I hope to wrap this shit up soon).  On my way home, he got me thinking about what really is wrong with people believing in magic and trying to convince other people to believe in it too.  Really, I don't care what people's personal beliefs are.  I'm have a pretty libertarian view on people's personal rights.  I think people should not only be able to think what they want, but I also think they should mind their own fucking business when it comes to other people.  This presents me with a huge problem.

    When someone tells me there really is a God, I might be slightly annoyed that someone is saying stupid shit to me, but I'm fine with them believing what they want.  I realize that while there might be a god (it's safe to say no one really knows) it is laughable to suggest that a god that entirely a creation of man would just happen to be the real god.  It would also be ironic.  The only god I've really had a chance to study is the god (one might say gods) of the Abrahamic religions.  I've searched for any evidence that this god might really exist, but all evidence people have for thinking this (these) god(s) exist either prove just the opposite, are purely subjective or just don't make sense period.

    Goddammit, I'm getting way off topic again.  This blog post is supposed to just be about my day, and I keep fucking it up.  I'm sorry.

    The problem with religion is this.  People in the United States vote on shit.  In the southern part of our country (and a few other places) people seem to think that reality threatens the existence of God.  People think this, and they vote to try to have their ideas taught in public schools.  There are many subjects I could relate this to, but the thing I was thinking about on my drive home was Darwin's theory of evolution by means of natural selection.

    As I think I explained earlier, I have a problem with people taking an idea based on little or no evidence and designing evidence to support their idea.  For many religious people, there is an issue with scientists observing nature and coming up with logical conclusions based on the real evidence.  Most people who are against any theory of evolution have no idea about what it really is or how it works.  Some people understand it and are still entirely against it.  Evolution is something that is always being built upon, and because there will always be things to discover, there are holes in the theory.  When some people see that there are holes in a theory, they decide to use that as a way to prove that there is a creator.  They do this, because there is always an answer with God.  They don't have holes in their theories, because their theories are not based on facts.  If there is nothing there to begin with, then there is nothing there to have holes in.  Since evolution has holes, it is wrong.

    Suppose we are looking at a house, and the house has windows.  It is a really nice day outside, so the windows are open.  Suppose also that there are two men standing in front of the house, arguing over their beliefs about the house.  One man claims that the walls of the house are standing.  This isn't a belief for him, because he can observe the house standing right in front of him.  It is is a matter of acceptance rather than a belief.  The man standing next to him disagrees.  He is quick to point out that the walls contain holes.  It doesn't matter to him that he can see the walls standing even though they contain windows.  He feels threatened by the house, because his religion doesn't say anything about the house standing.  When he sees an open window, he sees it as open for interpretation.  He sees it as a gap in the house, and, instead of observing how the house can still stand with windows cut into its walls, he instead chooses to fill the gaps with his god and ignore the rest of the house.  After putting God in the picture, he claims that he has proven the rest of the house wrong, thus concluding that it can't really be standing.

    If claiming a house with windows is a house that can't stand sounds stupid as fuck to you, then you would likely have no problem with evolution.  If, on the other hand, you feel that you can replace with something real with something that is made up only because there a pieces of the puzzle missing, then you are retarded as fuck and need to stop voting.  It is fine that you want to believe what you want to believe, and you could even follow reality alongside your beliefs, as many religious people do.  If you're one of these people, just get the fuck over yourself and stop trying to push your ridiculous ideas on children.  You're free to speak your mind in this country, but you really need to consider that your choice might affect children and cause the retardation to spread.

Breastmilks

I've had a good day today. It's so good I feel compelled to write a blog about it. I can't remember the last time I blogged, but I know it will be at least two years before I do it again.

I arrived at my first class today 20 minutes late. I normally only allow myself to be five minutes late to a class, because I wait until the last minute to do any assignment for any class. This usually leads to me being late by a minute or two. Today, however, I was quite sure I had an annotated bibliography due. I needed to have at least five sources listed on this bibliography, and finding sources and keeping up on MLA citation format (I also had to decide what I would write my paper over) took longer than I expected. Instead of spending ten minutes on the process, I spent 30.

I'm drinking a Samuel Adams Noble Pils. It's hoppy as shit, but (I mean and) I like it.

Anyway, I got that shit done, and Google Docs made my margins too big. I wasn't all that upset about it; it's never gotten me in trouble in the past. By the time I got that shit printed out I was already 19 minutes late. I don't know why, but I just haven't been getting worried about shit lately, so I didn't really mind being late for class. I ran down the stairs and made my entrance. No one seemed to notice. I pulled out my syllabus to find out what we were doing in class, and I noticed that it said the annotated bibliography wasn't due until goddamn Thursday. Boy did I feel like a dick loushe.

I had trouble staying awake through the movie we watched in class, and I felt as though it would never end. Finally, it did end, and the professor announced he had finished grading our midterm exams. I was nervous, as I always am, because I always go into exams without really having any knowledge of what is going on. Usually my fantastic writing skill are enough to earn me an A or a B, but I still feel every time that I am going to fuck up big time (sometimes I do). Boy was I surprised to find that he had left me several comments in the margins of my essays stating, "Very good," and, "Good," and "Excellent!" At the end I was even more surprised to find, "100% Excellent!" I've never received a 100 percent on an exam in any of this professors courses. I was very happy about this shit. I left that class hoping my midterm that I was likely to get back in my next class wouldn't ruin my good day.

My next class was logic. To make up for my tardiness in Film History, I arrived 50 minutes early. I spent my time tweeting and reading emails and blog posts on ZDNet. When the teacher walked in, he announced that there were 11 As on the test and only one 100 percent. This was very sad to me, because I was hoping to get a 100 percent on the test, and there is one girl in the class who does slightly better than me. I think that's hot and I want to fuck her, even if she isn't that attractive physically. I got my second surprise of the day when my test had a 48 with a circle around it on the last page. There were only two Fs in the class on this test, and I told the gild sitting next to me that it was my first F in the class. I explained that the 48 was probably my percentage. I was only kidding, and I knew for a fact that the test was out of 48 points. I thought about asking him who got the 100 percent so he could tell me I was the one to get it in front of the whole class. I decided against this mode of action because there are several stupid people in my class, and I don't think I could take them all at once (sexually) if I were to trod on their freedom as Americans.

Walking out of class, I decided to call my dear friend Jessica to tell her the good news. She didn't answer, and I hope it wasn't because she had died before I could talk to her. That would be sad. I decided in stead to blog about it with block paragraphs.

The sad thing is, I'm only going to get a B on my next returned midterm exam, because it was take-home, and the two hours I left myself before it was due wasn't long enough to answer every question and span the required eight pages. Oh well. I guess a B will have to do. I'm just going to kill myself now is all.

Holy Shit

I've Been

Sleeping better at night. I am sitting here, getting a shitload of work done. I'm not falling asleep. I feel really good. I must kill myself.

Nothing News

So there's been some exciting news lately, in terms of computer storage. The first big piece of news is Western Digital's world-first 2TB hard drive. It's not all that amazing, however; considering inexpensiveness and the rate of advancement of C drives, I think Google could have a much better offer if they can deliver on the highly anticipated GDrive. The Obama white house staff would surely be supportive of such a project, considering their early support of Google. One might argue that it could be insecure for them to store important information on Google servers, but if anything bad were to happen, they could always play a little Tetris to help them through the tough times.

Happy 9/11

To celebrate, southparkstudios.com has released this.

I hope everyone had a happy 9/11. We'll see you again next year.

Title

Google finally got this fucking thing off the ground. I guess it takes a while to get all the needed licenses to digitize millions of newspapers.

I got to see Jupiter through a telescope for the first time last night. Its moons were lined op on its left. That was neat.

That's all, I guess.

Cuntfries

So, here's the dill. We don't have a lot of time. I have to be at work in 30 minutes.

Remind me to talk about 105 later.

I was doing some research on current web browser news, and I found this shit, which reveals IE 8's resource consumption to be greater than that of XP. You read that right--all of XP. NO bullshit. It says a lot about where we are going with our web browsing experiences.

A while back, The Onion reported on Google's intentions for a Navy presence.

It turns out they were right (and by right, I mean joking).

Google Chrome

Google released its new Chrome browser a few days ago.  When I went to download it, I got a message saying the Linux version had yet to be released, and they would get back to me upon it's release if I left my email address.  I knew they already have my email address on speed dial, but I left it just the same.  So I come home from school (IUPUI, btw) today and decide to download this new browser on my parents' computer.  It didn't take long for my dick to get hard.  We're talking rill hard.  And I don't think I'm the only one.

 It's unclear how this is affecting other browsers at this point, but it can't be good new (and I mean new) for IE.

A few of my favorite Chrome features:

-Goddamn Google Chrome task manager (Yes, it has it's very own goddamn task manager.  (Shift+Esc)

-Incognito browsing

-Right-click, "Inspect element"--goddamn awesome

-I've only been using it about five minutes, so I don't know a whole lot about it.

The only thing I dislike so far is the lack of spell check, but I'm sure it will be implemented, if it hasn't already.  If it already has, I don't know where to look for it.  We are still in beta with this, after all.  And we will probably be that way for a few years (knowing Google).

Links

Comic

Knol

Wired

Wikipedia

Download

New Goddamn Myspace Bulletin

Gotten laid this week? if by this week, you mean next week, no



Ever had sex in a public place? yeah, the floor



Ever laugh during sex? i laugh when i fart, so, yes



Ever cry during sex? IF SO, WHY? yes, because her pussy smelled like onions



Do you like to cuddle after sex? i love to cuddle with my victims



Ever regret sex with someone? every day



Ever faked an orgasm? i faked someone else's orgasm



Dirty talk or stfu? talk stfu



Ever have unprotected sex? never had protected sex



Ever masturbate to your friend's significant other? as long as my friend's significant other is me



Ever have a threesome? i've never had a twosome



Ever watch porn during sex? i watch cnn during sex



Ever thought of someone else during sex? jesus



Has the condom ever broke? i'm sure it's happened before



What's your most embarrassing sexual experience? the time i came all over her face and didn't realize she was a guy



How old were you when you lost your virginity? 21.



Who would you like to have sex with right now? Brandon. Or Chris Martin... :p

Do you like to 69? i just 6



Are you horny now? probably



How many sexual partners have you had? One too many



Do you like sex in the car? i like beer in the car



Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? i try not to



Ever been with a cheater? yes



Toys. Good or bad? as long as the kids put them away when they're done playing, it's fine



Lingerie? chatte rose

t...Time...to leave?

I got my first issue of Time today. I'm very excited. For seriously, more than normal excited. This is just a few days after getting my first issue of Newsweek, but I've already read more of the Time. It's not that I like Time more than Newsweek; I just haven't had time (normal time) to read my Newsweek. Now, I know what you're thinking--Goddammit Blairre, if you had time to read Time, then hows come you couldn't fine newsweek (time) to read Newsweek?

So, here's the situation (no bullshit). Newsweek isn't as good as Time. Actually, it might be better. I don't know. I never gave it a chance. I really haven't had the time for it until today, when my dad threw this weeks issue of Time at me. Well, John McCain was on the cover, which beat out the President Bush cover of Newsweek. Not that Newsweek has a bad thing going here; it's obviously depicting Bush as a loser with a capital "R" (though, how else could one really depict him?). But 4rill, I'll get there. One thing at a time. It isn't easy to read Newsweek while writing a blog, IMing, doing one's part in the study of protein folding, and reading the business section of Time. On top of all that, I've got bills to pay of until I go back to school in the fall, so I really don't owe anyone an explanation.

I know it mean little publishing these word here, but John McCain needs to be the candidate on the Republican ticket in 2008 (2008). I don't agree with all of his views, but he's definitely the least likely of the Republican candidates to continue destroying the libertarian ideals of our forefathers. We need to stop fucking with these goddamn traditionalists. While the rest of the world is making progress, we're still debating whether or not evolution can be backed up with the teachings of the bible. What the fuck is wrong with people? I think we all need to make a pact right now to take at least one stupid person a week, and make them read a fucking book. Everyone needs to do this. Stupidity spreads like wildfire. It won't go away on it's own. It's going to be a hard fight. Hard because it will never end. People should need to be tested before they're allowed to vote. I know a lot of what I'm saying here is contradictory, but really, fuck stupid people. And I shouldn't really be singleing out any groups here, I've met dumbasses all across the board. They travel in large numbers. The good thing is they're always happy express openly their flaws.

Goodnight.

Why Juno Sucks Ass

For the past few weeks I've been hearing from all sorts of lifeforms how fantastic Jason Reitman's film, Juno, is. I first heard of the film from my boss, Jamie. I said, "My brother saw Sweeney Todd last night; he said it was one of the best movies he's ever seen." Jamie responded, "It's a musical. I saw Juno; and it was one of the best movies I've ever seen." It was the first time I had ever heard of Juno. Jamie has pretty good taste in good, so I saw no reason to believe there was any amount of trickery at play.

Fast forward some time. Someone (I don't remember who) said the same thing about it.

Fast forward awhiles. Deanna says, "Let's see Juno. I says, "Oh yeah, I heard it's good."

I heard from others (my brother, Ross Toss, everyone else in the whole world) that it was a great movie.


After a week or two, Deanna said to me, "I saw Juno. It was really good. We should watch it together. I gave the obvious response: "Whatever."

Deanna and I went to Taco Bell last night. I had some burritos. They were decent burritos. We crossed the street to see Juno. It was one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time.

Juno contained four events, somehow spread thin enough to cover 92 minutes of film (spoilers):

1. Juno gets Knocked Up.

2. Juno doesn't have sex with an older man.

3. Juno gives the baby away.

4. Credits.

Don't get me wrong. The whole movie wasn't all that bad. There actually were three funny parts in the film. My first laugh came when Ricky Fitts's (when writing something other people will read, one should always add the extra s when referring to a singular possessive entity ending in s to prevent confusion over weather the entity is singular or plural) mother, Barbara Fitts, said something about Jesus. I was the only person in the theater laughing. The second laugh came when we saw Michael Cera's fat mother the first time. Again, I was the only one laughing. The third laugh occurred the second time we saw his mother. I didn't laugh that hard.

I'm not sure why I'm the only person on Earth who hated this movie. Actually, I just checked the message board on IMDB, and it turns out a lot of people hated it. I fell much better now. I only hope I was able to save a few people by writing this.

If you've made it this far, thank you for giving me a chance to vent.

Hammertime

I've had very little time to sleep lately, thanks to some asshole. It all started about a week ago, when I decided I would start reading the Hunter S. Thompson books given to me to read by a close friend: Stefan (the asshole). I can't clearly remember the last time I was so hooked into a book that I found myself waking up early to read. There have been numerous occasions where I have stayed up all night (or all day) to read, but I'd never prematurely risen from bed to do it. Sleeping is nearly my favorite thing to do, and I hate stopping it when I don't have to. That should tell you how bad the situation has become.

Had become.

The situation is now over. I am both relieved and saddened. I've read more in the past week than I have the rest of the year (divided by seventeen). If this confuses you, it's only because I have failed to mention the many other works I have read this week as well. And I will continue to fail to do so.
Here we see the asshole with his hot out-of-the-oven bride, or, as I like to call her, Sam Gambrel.





Kingdom of Fear immediately took a hold on my mind. After reading the first page, I knew I was about to lose sleep. There was no way around it. With work and beating off, I just didn't have time for both constant reading and sleep. I had to not have one. IT wasn't a hard choice to make; the book pretty much made the choice for me. It reminds me of the time I read some Tucker Max. You know what I'm talking about: "I hate my table." It clicked just like that.

Block paragraphs.

I had trouble tell at times what was real and what was kinda real (or, I should say, kinda not real). When the Judge came into the scene, I immediately wondered if I was reading pure fiction. It was the only time I got that feeling during the book. I'm sure some or most of it might have been based on actual happenings--we are talking about HST, after all.

Overall, I'd give the book a ten out of five. The only problem I had was not having my own copy to paint. I sent my cousin, Deanna, to fetch me my own many times, all to no avail.

Screwjack was second on the list. It was the only book I was able to put down as fast as I picked it up, only because that's how long it was. It was touching, but felt like what it had would have worked better if it was divided and archived with other works, like the Leach story. I'm not saying it wasn't of worth, but that it was over before you could enjoy it. Like a premature orgasm without the embarrassment.

I immediately went from Screwjack into the first 100 pages of Better than Sex. That was just the other day. I finished the second half earlier today. It offered a somewhat different experience compared to the other books. It was pure politics. Amazing stories. I learned a lot about politicians I'm sure I wouldn't have found anywhere else. It exposed a lot of the players and made them seem more like real people than the fictitious characters they appear to be on TV.

If I had to give the books a label, I would call them inspiring. Taking control of ones life seems possible through the examples of Dr. Thompson. I most likely wouldn't be writing a new blog post if it weren't for him (or the asshole who lost many hours of my sleep time).

'Til next time. Mahalo...nigga!

Finally

An energy efficient Google.