Sunday, February 25, 2007

Toothpaste & Diarrhea

I was watching Neil deGrasse Tyson promote his new book on BookTV tonight. He spoke of black holes and asteroids and water and death. I liked pretty much everything he had to say. He suggested we look up an article he had written tat didn't quite make it into the book by means of a quick Google search. I responded, "You seem like my kind of fuck. Yes, I will look up your article using my local Google search engine." I typed the words he suggested, and there it was--top of the shit. I clicked on the result and read. It was a short but interesting read on spherical shapes in the universe. Though, it seems like you would not assume I meant spherical shapes outside the universe; therefore, please disregard my saying, "in the universe." If you are the type of person who shows interest in the universe and enjoys discussing such things over some beers, feel free to read Tyson's article: On Being Round.

On a much lighter note, I may have found a job in the unattainable portion of the temp community production possibilities frontier. If I were to get this job, I would no longer have to break up with my girlfriend; instead, I could afford to simply kill her.

Mozilla finally released an updated version of its Firefox 2 model. Security flaws were fixed, but more importantly, my copy and paste problem was put right. You can update your browser by going to getfirefox.com, but I don't know why anyone would want to to that when all he or she would need to do is select "Check for updates..." in the help menu in the Firefox browser.

If you are a video game enthusiast, or if you've become like me, a technology and business enthusiast, you could check out Nexgen Wars dot com. The website lets the consumer (or non-consumer) vote for which of the three next generation video game consoles they would expect to win round seven of the ever going console wars. Normally I would care less about such a situation, but this time it's personal. You see, in the past, there has always been multiple consoles for me to care about. The Atari competed against masturbation. Both all right choices. The NES had the SNES. The SNES had the Genesis. The N64 had the Dreamcast. The Dreamcast had the PS2. The PS2 did not have the Gamecube (although the Gamecube was a fair enough choice). All of these were tremendous choices, except for the Atari (and all the other ones that were not masturbation). Normally, I would still have my two choices in the argument: Sony v. Nintendo (due to my dislike of Microsoft, they will never make a good enough anything for me, unless it's masturbation . . . or parenthesis), but this time it's personal. I at one time in my life thought Sony was cool--thought Sony was my friend. But sadly, Sony fucked me over one too many time (one time). I would now love to see Sony crash and burn. Now, try to imagine my rage at reading the professional market outcome predictors' predictions that the PS3 will ultimately win the war. I killed seven of my twelve hostages that day. End the end, it will be up to the consumer to decide, and so far, the consumer chooses the Wii at over 50 percent of the vote.
nexgenwars.com
Keep in mind the 360 has not only been out for fifteen months while the other two have only been out three since first release, but it also attributes half (blatant lie, total exaggeration, I made it up) its sales to people replacing faulty models. I feel sorry for this guy.

I don't meant to make it sound like I'm a hard-core video gamer. I'm not. I might have been at one time. I spend maybe three hours a month playing video games (if I'm lucky). My day is mostly comprised of reading the news (up to two hours a day), lifting weights, maybe running, studying economics, studying anything and reading anything good. I didn't even know the Wii was capable of playing video games. Up until last night, I thought is was just an interactive TV program/computer. I spent my hours reading news on the news channel, checking up on the weather on the weather channel, checking my Myspace and Gmail and watching Google Video/Youtube videos on the internet channel, practicing my right to vote on the everybody votes channel, downloading new channels and video games I never play on the virtual console channel, and redesigning photographs on the photo channel. Come to think of it, I've never ever heard of such a thing as a video game. What is a video game anyway? I don't even know.

Now that I've got it in my head, I like to discuss this everybody votes channel. On its surface, it seems very shallow. You vote in polls composed of silly little questions. That's the silly part. But if one were to tether a heavy stone to one of the restraining hostages feet, that person would find that this is a much deeper lake. After picking one of two responses to a question, the user gets the option to predict which response will get the most votes. After the votes are counted, the Mii (the user's pawn) gets a score. After finding the results of so many polls, the system will be able to show the user where he or she is lacking in mental growth based on right or wrong predictions and the type of questions he or she makes predictions on. So far, I a fucking genius in every aspect.

My love affair with this machine isn't ill-founded. I have frown to love growth. The opportunities to learn are endless with the Wii. The other options in this field offer nothing like this. Their boxes should be labeled "No expansion necessary!" It's just more of the same. Even if you don't enjoy video games, it's something you should have. Even when it isn't on, I have so much fun pretending the remote is a gun. It feels so good to give that trigger a squeeze.

I lift weight and run enough for neither to make me sore, no matter how long I do or don't do either one. Thanks to my Wii, I spent ten minutes boxing in front of my TV the other day, and I couldn't move the next morning. No bull.

On that note, I'd like to bring up the fact that I hate not being in school. If I had the funding, I would always be studying everything any old genius can enemize me with. Thanks to the system, that reality has become a very large virtual reality. I wish I could at least live in a university community. That way I could find the professor bars, drink with the professors, discuss issues with the professors, and get a much cheaper education with the benefit of studying one-on-one with the professors.

Please send me money. I've grown to love economics and computers, and my learning potential keeps growing.


I'd be lying if I were to say that I haven't been quite affected by death of late. To start off, my great-great-aunt died. That didn't affect me so much, but it did introduce me to some new family. I'd say my family tree sprouted a second trunk that day. It was a trunk I didn't want to be associated with, but it was a trunk nonetheless.

DeWayne Saylor was a kick-ass guy I hung out with this one time in middle school. We started out hanging out separately at the same movie theater, but became more hanging out in the same group as the night progressed. The movie was Saving Silverman. He left th movie and came back with some Twizzlers, which he offered to everyone, even me, a guy he didn't know. We were all on our way to Cagney's after the movies like so many other time, and as we waited for traffic to stop at the intersection, he passed through. The traffic never seemed to slowed down or part for him, yet he made it through, unharmed. The seating arrangement was Kylie Dickmann and some other people at one table; Jake Miller, DeWayne, Stefan and myself at another table; and Jeff Lee and some people on the horizon. The fat waitress would walk by, and DeWayne would act like there was an earthquake. After awhile, Stefan and DeWayne walked over to Speedway to get Kylie some Tic-tacs. Stefan came back with Tic-tacs and Dewayne came back with a huge-ass flashlight. And that's all I remember. I regret not knowing him better.

I heard from Stephanie Mae on our way to Taco Bell that my good friend, Jake Hargrove, had passed away as the result of a car accident the night before. I can't be sure it's true just yet, but I've seen enough evidence on Myspace to feel he is really no longer with us. I knew Jake pretty well. I hadn't really seen him much lately, but we sure did hang out quite a bit during school in my younger days, mainly during recess hours at Loper. I remember in fourth grade, we had to read to the first graders in Mrs. Meredith's class. During one of these outings, Jake got on the Mac in the back of the room, where we were both supposed to be reading to kids, and fucked around with all sorts of shit. This probably wouldn't be all that funny today (he wasn't doing anything damaging), but back then, we didn't know anything about what was going on. All we knew was we weren't allowed to fuck with the computers, or some serious shit would go down. I laughed so hard I cried, watching Jake fuck around with that shit. He was the first person I ever saw with a CD player. He had it out at recess. I was surprised to see how fast the CD was spinning. It was like a record player on crack. The rest of my life is mostly a blur up until the point where we had all sorts of fun in study hall. My most favorite memory from that time is of Jake feeding me Pop-tarts and wiping the crumbs off my face in a very homosexual way and the pregnant study hall lady getting pissed off in the process. She seemed to be pissed off a lot. I think it was because she was pregnant. I remember she'd get really pissed when Jake would start pulling the string from his sweatshirt hood through his numerous holes. That was neat too. I regret not hanging out with Jake more. We never partied together. That's why everyone needs to get outside and get laid right now. I'll miss you big time, Jake. And if you aren't really dead, I'll miss you someday.








I decided to skip a few lines, because I still have things to write about, but no transition.

After my aunt's funeral, I got to know my cousins, Cody, Ashley, and I want to say Paul. I also made everyone laugh and love me. I talked to the Aunt Betty and the Uncle Tom about their boys. Ate. Hugged everyone before leaving. It was a good time on all accounts.

I guess I'll make this it then.

Everyone should read Freakonomics if they haven't yet. There is even a bigger and expandeder version out now. Feel free to pick up a copy.

1 comment:

Jess said...

I need to get a Wii

 
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