Jess Mullins

Just because I say it, don't mean I have to say on the record, then I'll kill you. You know why?

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was a favorite of mine, growing up. I had a VHS, but it broke like fuck, it did. For years I've thought about how nice it would be to purchase a copy on DVD. I was actually just thinking about the child-catcher on Thursday. I went to (fuck) with Katie Adams on Friday. We were rummaging through the thing of $5.50 DVD guys. I found a few copies of Creepshow, which was something I had to buy, due to an argument with a guy I hardly know. He kept telling me it was called Freakshow despite me giving him every piece of evidence pointing the other way. So I got that shit. Katie wanted me to buy Double Jeopardy, so I did. As we were walking away from that area, we passed by the normal DVD thing guy, and there it was. Plain as shit. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I looked at Katie Adams and shit. I picked that shit up and took it home with me. We watched it first. It was just as beautiful as I had remembered. We then watched Double Dragon...or something. And then everyone left, and I watched Creepshow.

Here's the problem. The new episode of "Family Guys" aired tonight. The first song in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is called "You Two." In this new episode of "Family Matters," Peter sings a similar song about having James Woods, rather than having you two. And I freaked out, because that's what I do in any situation like this. It was amazing.

"You Two" (Don't read this part, I just thought it would make me look professional and clean.)

Caractacus:
Do you think I'm a lunatic? Wasting my time on a lot of silly inventions?

Jemima:
But they aren't silly--they're wonderful!

Jeremy:
Nobody else could think of them!

Caractacus:
That's right! That is right--nobody else could think of
them!--yeah--after all...
What makes the battle worth the fighting?
What makes the mountain worth the climb?
What makes the questions worth the asking?
The reason worth the rhyme?

Caractacus:
To me the answer's clear;
it's having someone near; someone dear
Someone to care for; to be there for.
I have You Two!
Someone to do for; muddle through for.
I have You Two!
Someone to share joy or despair with;
whichever betides you.
Life becomes a chore, unless you're living for
someone to tend to be a friend to.
I have You Two!
Someone to strive for, do or die for
I have You Two!
Could be, we three get along so famously,
'cause you two have me, and I have You Two too.

(Breakfast is behind made, then Caractacus sneezes)

Kids:
Someone to care for; to be there for.

Caractacus:
I have You Two!

Kids:
Someone to do for; muddle through for

Caractacus:
I have You Two!
Someone to smile once in awhile with;
whenever you're lonesome
I've a happy lot,
considering what I've got.
But, I couldn't do more
Than you do for your poor Father.

(Kids: Daddy!)

Things go asunder
and I wonder why you bother.
All:
Could be, we three get along so famously
'cause

Kids:
we two have you,

Caractacus:
and I have You Two

All:
too