Balls State

Several months ago, amid a night of sitting around a fire, participating in certain things, my dear friend Sam began to speak of the troubles he has in finding friends to travel with him to his alma mater, Ball State University.  I suggested that I might have an interest in pursuing such a trip with him sometime in the future, due to my need for social activity and constant approval of people I hardly know.  He instantly became enthralled at the idea of taking me up to Muncie with him and insisted that I let him know when I had a weekend free for such a journey. All I had to do was ask to have a weekend off from work, and we'd be set.

For some time, I had been planning on attending the birthday celebration for my other dear friend, Kate.  Her constant coquetry and sense of humor kept me interested, so I promised to be in attendance at the gathering at a certain downtown Indianapolis bar for the celebration of her existence.  The date set for the party was the ninth of October.  I had been looking forward to it ever since attending the same celebration the year prior, and I knew she had been looking forward to seeing me there even more.

The week before that of Kate's birthday I received an SMS text message from Sam: "Take next weekend off you asshole. It is Ball State's homecoming and you will be going there with me."  I had a decision to make.  On the one hand, I care deeply for Kate, my ex future roommate.  On the other hand, I really need to get out and meet some new people and get really drunk and make an ass out of myself.  In the end, I decided to do the right thing.  I picked up the phone and texted my future roommate, telling her something had suddenly come up and I wouldn't be able to make it to her party.  It pained me to have to do so, but I had a feeling it would bring us closer together in the end.  I was wrong about that.  Long story short: she's dead now.

It comes time to leave for our trip, and we do a couple things on the way there. We eat, we watch Sam's brother's football game that he isn't playing in because of an injury.  We go to meet Sam's dad in the parking lot behind the school.  Sam suggests what we are all thinking: that his dad is about to murder the three of us and harvest our organs.  This turns out to not be the case, and we are all grateful.

From there we go to a Marsh somewhere.  The bitch at the office won't punch in a goddamn card for us, so I slapped her in the face.  We got out of there pretty quick.  There was a girl service clerk taking out the trash who kept eye fucking Sam, so we helped Sam throw that bitch in the dumpster.  We don't put up with eye fucking; that's sexual harassment, and sexual harassment isn't cool.  You sexually harass, you get killed.  That's the rule.

Later that night, Sam got into a heated debate on his Android smart phone.  I wish I could recall what it was he said that was so funny, but I just can't seem to find that memory.

Around this time, everyone starts drinking.  I think I left out the part where we arrive at the house, but that is exactly where we are.  I'm drinking. Other people are drinking.  We go to the liquor store at some point to get some more drink, and I get even more drunker after that.  I eat a bunch of food from the people's fridge while they are not looking.  Finally, I convince Sam to get the fuck out of that house and try to look for some women.  Sadly, by this point, I was a little too fucked up to really be in control of my actions.

By the time we got to the bar, I was ready to do something else.  I'm not sure what it was I exactly wanted to do, but I walked out of the bar and quickly found myself not knowing where I was.

I walked around a bit, and I eventually heard someone yelling some shit at me.  I turned to investigate, and I found that it was a young man standing on a porch at a house party.  I approached the person and convinced him that I meant him no harm.  I said a few things to him, then another guy came out and told us we had to go inside.  My next memory is being in the bathroom at the same house (I think) with a few other people.  As I walked out, I realized that I didn't know anyone, and I wasn't in any shape to be making new friends.  I left.

After strolling around a bit, I ended up hearing someone else yelling at me.  This time, it was a girl and a guy.  I approached the two, and the girl assured me she would paint my face for free.  It sounded like a good deal at the time.  She painted my face and we talked; about what, I have no idea.

Anyway, I'm only about one fourth of the way through this story, and I'm gonna go ahead and call it quits.  It's taken me around a month of writing this, and I'm using way too many inconsequential details, and I think it's totally gay, and I haven't even written about the funny parts of the trip.  Fuck it.  Don't read this post.

Weekend Nipple Pinchy

Friday at swim practice, Stefan and Sam kept splashing me. They kept splashing me until I jumped on Sam and punched him in the head five or six times. Coach called us out of the pool. We all went into the locker room and he asked us what the hell it was all about. I told him what happened, and he smiled. He yelled at Sam, and then we went back out, and he yelled at everyone else. Very well.

I got up really early Saturday morning and went to swim practice. It was pretty stupid. I got home then I decided to call Stephanie, and she told me about her hanging out with Stefan. It felt good to know my plan to get them back together worked out.

Today, Sunday, I watched What Women Want and Serendipity and that's all I did and I'm done.

My Turn

Yesterday...

I got to school about ten minutes late.
I got a pass to go down and see Mister Zobel.
I got drug tested along with Paul, Zach Fox, Alyssa, and some other peoples.
I was being really funny.
I just kept drinking and talking to the nurse and the other chick and the people.
A little after an hour of waiting, Paul decided to go potty.
I tried to get into the bathroom while Paul was urinating, but the drug chick wouldn't let go, and she told me I couldn't go in, so I got in Paul's binder and found his Cheez-Itz and ate a bunch and then I hid the rest under the laying down thing.
A little bit after Paul went potty, I tried to leave the clinic, and the nurse asked me where I was going, and I told her I had to go to the bathroom, and she told me to pee in a cup.
I went into the bathroom, and I tried to pee in the cup, and it was hard to do.
I peed on the outside of the cup and on the floor.
I filled the cup right up.
I tried to take the cup of urine out to show everybody, but the chick wouldn't let me.
She had me pour the urine into two guys, and I put the guys on them and put them in a couple of bags.
I tried to shake the chick's hand.
She told me she didn't want to shake my hand even though I'm left-handed.
I stood there wondering how she knew I was left-handed.
I wash my hands and go to another bathroom, far away.
I go to see Coach Man.
Coach Man isn't in his room.
I shouldn't mix tenses.
But I do it anyway.
I go to the last three minutes of music theory.
Life continues.
For a little while.
In English, Amber Lovitt starts saying a bunch of stupid shit to piss me off.
She starts by saying that life would be a lot colder on a different planet, because you would be in space, and space is cold.
She went on to say that there is no gravity on The Moon.
I told her that there is gravity.
I asked her how it is possible for people to stand on The Moon, if not for gravity.
She told me it's because people have weights in their shoes (as if weight would matter without gravity).
I scream at her as I pound my fists deeper and deeper into my skull.
Miss Couden says something, but I can't quite remember what she said, because I was hitting myself in the head really hard.
I leave my group of idiots and talk to Ben, and Kendra, and Megan, and Ross.
I didn't talk to April.
The end.

Today...

Today, yes.
Today indeed.
I did some fun things today.
I know I did.
Well.
Sam put a shoe in the urinal before swim practice and peed in it.
I told him to put it somewhere, so the owner would find it and put it on.
Sam decides to put it on top of the lockers, so someone would pull it down and get urine all over.
After practice, a few of us were in the shower.
I was naked.
I'm always naked.
I told Chris Wooten to get the shoe for me.
He tells me he knows what's going on.
I tell Aaron Cherry (he was standing right there when i told Wooten to get the shoe) to get the shoe.
Aaron Cherry gets the shoe and throws it at me.
I dodge the shoe.
We all laugh at Cherry.
The others tell Cherry to wash his hands.
Sam tells Cherry what the deal is.
Cherry come back over and hits the shoe with his bag.
The bag might have hit someone.
The bag might have hit me.
I don't remember.
But we all ended up throwing the shoe at each other.
I was naked.
I did most of the throwing.
Felps nailed me in the back one time.
I hit Wooten in the face with it.
We all went home.
The end.