Blaire Apple

Miss Couden didn't like my 1,000-1,500 word rough draft today.


Lord of the Flies is a smashing and daring novel by the late William Golding. It starts out with this kid walking around after a plane he was riding crashed on an island. He runs into a fat kid, and they run into some more kids. They are all on this island without adults. The first kid finds a conch, and the person with the conch is the one that gets to talk. The kids form two different groups, and they all do things on their own. The kids build a fire, and some of them die. At the end of the novel, a guy shows up to rescue them from the fiery depths of hell. This tale shows just what evils are lurking in the depths of the human soul, waiting to surface when there is no force to suppress them. Blair did not write this. He won’t know I put this in here, because he won’t even bother to read it. He is such an idiot. I’m only doing this because he paid me twenty dollars.
As this intriguing novel begins, we find many innocent boys stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere. Some are scared, but most realize that they must create some kind of order for them to live by. They pick a young, handsome boy, Ralph, to be their leader. Jack, another boy, shows distaste for this choice, but tries to hide it from the others. Ralph tries to be a good leader, but some of his brilliant plans backfire all over his face. He tells the boys to gather up stuff to burn, so they can build a fire to create smoke for signaling to passing people that they are there. They collect many good fire conductors, and they get the fire started. As luck would have it, their main source for getting firewood ends up catching fire, and a little boy dies in the flames. One of the boys then decides to see a monster. They call it a beastie. This is the point where the boys become scared of their surrounding. This is the fear that eventually drives them to animal behavior. I must quit now because my dad is getting mad at me for being in here.

Executive Producers

I'm sitting here, watching How's your News? on my little sister's portable DVD player. This is supposed to be a funny movie. It's a documentary where a bunch of retarded travel around the U.S., interviewing people about stuff and stuff. I wanted to get this movie a long time ago, but I assumed it didn't really exist.

Something bad happened to my IT band the other day, and I haven't been able to run for the past few days.

Kellie subbed for Miss Couden the other day.

I drew a picture of Megan for Ben.

Did I already say that?

I went to see the Ring 2 with Kaitlyn Clark and Sean Pudson and Jon Lee last night. I enjoyed myself. We walked to Taco Bell, where we saw Kyle DeWitte. We went to my house, and then I ate a bunch of stuff and went to bed.

My dad took me to get some new shoes today. We went to Best Buy and he bought me Anchorman and How's your News?.

This movie is starting to piss me off, and someone owes me a picture.

Penetration at its Best

My last real post was on the fifteenth, so I'm gonna try to remember all the highlights since then.


2/16

Had a short swim practice.
Some people were taking pictures. I think Sam Booth and Eric Byrer got the best ones. ;)
We went to Rob's house for food and stuff, and we showed Rob the pictures, and then Cody Miller showed my mom and Tyty's mom one of them. I think it scared both of them. We then watched Old School and I beat the shit out of Chris Wooten, and then we all went home.
I talked to Clinton on the internet for just a little while. We sent each other lots of smileys.
That's about all I can remember.


2/17

Some people did their society project in English. They lived in a bubble, in the ocean. They had a picture of it. They rode elevators down to the bubble from an island. I guess the island was just a big piece of land floating around on the water, and it really pissed me off.
Swimming sectional.
I beat Cherry, right?
Yeah.
He didn't do shit.
That's right.


2/18

My groups day to go in English.
I had trouble getting the printer to print my musical talents for the project.
I had to write some lyrics at lunch.
I put on my Johnny Depp Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas shirt in front of everybody in the hallway.
We did our thing.
I read my lyrics, and it didn't even matter that I had all that music, because we didn't even use it and Miss Couden didn't even see it.
We showed our video to the rest of the class. I was somewhat fearful that Miss Couden would try to kill me after seeing me naked in the video, but she just laughed along with the rest of the class.
Swim practice.
I walked over to Beavis Alert's house at approximately 5:30 P.M. We drove around for a bit. I told him many great stories. He called Amber Alert, and then we drove thru the water and got her.
We all went to Goodwill, where we saw Eric Byrer, shopping with his mother, Susan.
We looked and looked for something for me to wear to formal. Nothing seemed to fit me.
We finally found this little black skirt and this stretchy pink shirt. We got a nice purse, and we were on our way.
Beavis Alert took me home.
I drove on over to the high school.
Senior night.
I saw my Clinton, and I gave him a hug.
I saw some Lees (one of them took notice to my shirt after some time) and a Hudson and a Kuhn and a Newkirk and a Pierce and a Barlow and an Orem (he recognized the Fear and Loathing scene on my shirt right away) and I ate four hotdogs, and then we had our cross country recognition, and then I got some ice cream.
Blaire Hartman, Andrew Newkirk, Joh Lee, Josh lee (Jon comes before Josh aphabetically), Sean Hudson, Jarod Grimme, Adam Barlow, Lindsay Conner, Justin Kuhn, and Pierce Martin all went to Applebee's, where we saw Pat Creel.
It was nice seeing Pat Creel.
I was very funny.
I told Adam Barlow many interesting stories about Lindsay Conner.
We all went home.


2/19

Got up at about nine.
Got on the internet for a while.
Shaved.
Went to the high school.
Got on the bus.
Went to Center Grove for sectional finals.
Went into the locker room.
Stefan found a pencil.
Stefan tried to get pencil stuck in ceiling.
Blair found stool.
Blair tried to get stool stuck in ceiling.
Stool didn't stick.
Stool came back down.
As did a nice portion of the ceiling.
Oops!
Blair picked up some big pieces of the ceiling.
We got out of there very quickly.
We swam.
We got 45 points, I think.
We lost.
Um.
I went home.
I got dressed up for formal.
I picked up Amber Alert.
Her mom, I think, got some pictures.
We went to see Beavis Alert at work.
We headed over to Lindsay Conner's house.
We passed Bryce New on Amos.
We got to Linday's just in time to see the end of Secret Window.
Johnny Depp.
Adam Barlow was there.
Megan Allen and Lori Nigh showed up.
We all went to get Erica Cole and Derica.
We all went to Logan's Roadhouse.
We saw Pat Creel there.
What are the odds of that?
We ate.
I told Adam Barlow a secret.
Megan left her cell phone on the table, so I took it.
I called a few people from Megan's phone.
I called Sally, pretending to be Adam, and he didn't like the message I left her, and he erased it.
We went to the thing.
Everyone thought I was beautiful.
People were getting pictures of me left and right.
We danced.
A bunch of guys were wanting to take me home with them.
We went to Denny's.
A guy gave me a dollar for wearing a skirt.
I got this Oreo thing.
We left.
I went home, I think.
Wait.
I played games with Adam Barlow as we were heading down 44.
And then I led the way for a little, and then I started driving crazy, and then this cop pulled up, and I drove away very slowly.
The cop just kinda sat there for a bit, and then he went on his way.
And then I went home.
I started to write a poem about it, I think.
I think I fell asleep around 5.


2/20

Got up at about noon.
Talked to Blaine Zimmerman on the internet.
He directed me towards Paris Hilton's contacts (not the kind you wear in your eyes).
I tried many of the numbers.
None seemed to work.
I think that's about it.


2/21

Got up.
Went to the computer.
Recognized, right away, the headline stating that my new hero, Hunter S. Thompson, had committed suicide.
I spent most of the day finding links to him and putting them in my blog.
I sat around.
Uh....
Hmmm.
I found out Dragonball GT is on Cartoon Network now.
I know I'm gonna have to start watching Dragonball GT.
It's been such a long time since I've seen any Dragonballs.
It really is the best show ever once you seen it seven times.
I watched Howard Stern.
Very funny.
I watched Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Very funnier.
The fucking President's thing.
The kid, the Even Stevens guy. Yeah, him.
I went to bed.
Had lots of trouble sleeping.


2/22, Today

I added five pages to my AP music theory guy.
I stopped trying on it, that's why I was able to get so much done.
All through AP bio, I wanted to use penetration for an answer to a question Mr. Lux would ask.
About halfway through the class, Mr. lux asked a question. He said the word begins with a P and ends with an N, and I'm sure you could imagine the joy I had right then.
I gave my answer. It was the wrong answer.
Mr. Lux was really pissed off.
The correct answer was pollen.
I got my thing with my English project grade, and it was alright.
Oh, yeah, I also got a vocab guy back.
16. The fervor of the impact caused the fetus's fead to tear thru his mother's abdomen.
17. The exulting clown received a gift of charred diarrhea from his brother's spaceship to the moon.
18. Mr. Lux glowered at Mark Twain after the b's came and ate a bunch of human embryos.
19. The Chris mutinously kicked the senator in the head, causing him to get a big hug--I didn't stop laughing.
20. The Jesus malevolently ran into the bank and shot three of the hostages, and then he returned home to count the number of undesireable that's in his college essay.
And, oh, I got this marriage plan thing back.
I will marry a Christmas tree. I would want to have all family members in attendance, dead or alive. It would be in a large castle on a cliff, overlooking the Gulf of Jesus. We will join forces and defeat the evil empire. Everyone gets rice crackers and Mountain Dew. Admission will be $35 for adults, $15 for children, and 75 cents (WHERE THE FUCK IS THE CENT SIGN!) for the deceased. Instead of throwing rice at the end part, people will throw exotic animals. At the very end, the tree and I will jump off the cliff and die in each others arms on the rocky beach below, but before we hit the ground, Megan will reach down and grab us and throw up into the sky, where we will live in a city in the clouds happily ever after.
Good.
I'm glad it's done.
I ran today.
Not very long.
But I did run.

This has got to be the longest blog post ever.

Pancakes and Applesause

I finally got my fucking thing printed out.

I took my honky-tonk piano part and put it on the ondes martenot. I don't know what the hell an Ondes Martenot is, so I think I'll look it up right about now... Alright, here it is. It's really neat. People commented on its similarity to that of the Mega Man musical titties.

I was being funny in AP Bio today.

I was being funny in English, too. I, for some reason, recalled a time back in eighth grade, in careers, when I told Ben Purvis he smelled like applesause. I told him that again today, and he didn't seem to remember it, so I explained the whole thing to him, and then he remembered. I took Mallory's birdhouse and gave it to Ross as a present, even though Ben is the one that took it.

Lauren Bray (that right?) followed me out to my car after school. I took her for a ride through the country, because it was a very lovely day. We got way the ef out there. We started heading back on Smithland Road, and we were going about eighty miles per hour. We both agreed that I needed to slow down, on account of the car approaching us from the other direction. It was about that time that I threw the ignition into reverse. What a crazy idea that turned out to be. We both almost flew out through the windshield. She was lucky I had her put her seatbelt on before this good time. Well, I put the guy back into drive, and I hit the gas. Nothing happened. I tried to turn the steering wheel, and it didn't seem to want to move. There was much heat and burning smell coming through the ventilation system, and I noticed that the car was no longer on, so I put it in park, and I tried to start it. It didn't start. I tried again and again, and it wouldn't start, so I pushed it, and Lauren steered it into this driveway guy, and I was walking up toward the front of the car, where I heard the engine running. I got back in the car, and I asked Lauren if she had started the car. She said she hadn't. I put the guy in drive, and it worked. It must have just overheated from all the trauma and simply started itself back up when it felt better. We went to swim practice and lived happily ever after.

I got home from swim practice, and I ate, then I gave that one chick a call, and we went to the park, and I took off my clothes, and she filmed me. I looked kinda fat, because I had just eaten a lot of shit, but I think I still looked pretty hot in the video, and she agreed with me, so I think Miss Couden will be quite pleased. So it goes.

My Pal Doo-Doo

Alright. Here we go.

On Thursday of last week, Zip asked me to bring in Fahrenheit 9/11, so he could watch it and see how stupid it was and laugh. Well, I walked into music theory on Monday, and Zip was all up in there, talking about how stupid President Bush is and how funny Michael Moore is. I was quite surprised to hear this, because Zip has always spoken of his dislike of Michael Moore and his support of Mr. Bush. I was pretty happy, and now my DVD keeps getting passed around my music theory class, and more people are beginning to believe again.


I promised some vocabulary quiz sentences a while back, and now I have my quiz, and here they are:

1. I wanted to crush my head after hearing the dying homosexual's annoying wubber.
2. If it turns out to be a mirage, I will still drink what's there.
3. The decorous young man washed his mother's blood off his hands and changed his shirt before attending the dinner party.
4. Your son's life will have to go on hiatus until we find a cure for ugly.
5. Matins are stupid.
6. The happy precentor climbed down to the lower level where he urinated on the slimy octopus.
7. The rebels needed to find a quick way to immure the captain before he impregnated another horse.
8. Tow individuals taste wonderful on crackers.
9. The swathing hatred took over the Christian's mind, causing him to kill many innocent children.
10. How strident the lamb's scream was when I cut off its face.


I headed on over to Kyle Whitaker's house after taking Kylie to her gymnastics practice after school yesterday. I boxed Nathan Willis (Eric Byrer Two/Adam Barlow), and he went down pretty fast, even though we were wearing the protective headgear. We went a second round after that, and he lasted a bit longer, but still went down pretty fast. I love hearing his body his the ground, it makes me happy. I wanted to fight him without the masks, but he wasn't going for it.

Dusty was the second person I took down. It took a while, but we were able to convince him to go without the mask. We went a few rounds with us just swinging our stuff and not really doing anything, but then, in the third round, Dusty blasted me right in the face. I was sure at that point that he would win, but then I noticed him flying through the air, into the kitchen. As luck would have it, we had punched each other in the face at the same time, only my punch had about twelve times the force of his, and he was down and out, and his nose was bleeding a little bit, and it was a wonderful time for me.

Some time went by, we watched the video of us fighting, and then Melindy and Lauren showed up. Lauren agreed to fight me if she got to wear the mask, and that's exactly what happened. She tried to hit me, I blocked her punch, and then I blasted her in the side of the head. She was on the floor after the first shot. That's even faster than Nathan. Next thing I know, Melindy's coming up, so I block her punch, and I bust her right in the nose, and she fell down, and then she got up, and she started crying and running around, probably looking for some cheese or something.


I went to my swim meet later on that day, and we were winning every single event, up until the 200 Free Relay, in which I decided to swim butterfly rather than freestyle. I told the other guys before the race that they would have to swim hard to catch us up, but they didn't listen. Well, they really did listen. Dustin, our last swimmer, was ahead of the other guy at the very end, but the other guy managed to touch the wall .000002 seconds before Dustin, thus ruining my life. That was our only loss the entire night. That's all I have to say about that.

My Turn

Yesterday...

I got to school about ten minutes late.
I got a pass to go down and see Mister Zobel.
I got drug tested along with Paul, Zach Fox, Alyssa, and some other peoples.
I was being really funny.
I just kept drinking and talking to the nurse and the other chick and the people.
A little after an hour of waiting, Paul decided to go potty.
I tried to get into the bathroom while Paul was urinating, but the drug chick wouldn't let go, and she told me I couldn't go in, so I got in Paul's binder and found his Cheez-Itz and ate a bunch and then I hid the rest under the laying down thing.
A little bit after Paul went potty, I tried to leave the clinic, and the nurse asked me where I was going, and I told her I had to go to the bathroom, and she told me to pee in a cup.
I went into the bathroom, and I tried to pee in the cup, and it was hard to do.
I peed on the outside of the cup and on the floor.
I filled the cup right up.
I tried to take the cup of urine out to show everybody, but the chick wouldn't let me.
She had me pour the urine into two guys, and I put the guys on them and put them in a couple of bags.
I tried to shake the chick's hand.
She told me she didn't want to shake my hand even though I'm left-handed.
I stood there wondering how she knew I was left-handed.
I wash my hands and go to another bathroom, far away.
I go to see Coach Man.
Coach Man isn't in his room.
I shouldn't mix tenses.
But I do it anyway.
I go to the last three minutes of music theory.
Life continues.
For a little while.
In English, Amber Lovitt starts saying a bunch of stupid shit to piss me off.
She starts by saying that life would be a lot colder on a different planet, because you would be in space, and space is cold.
She went on to say that there is no gravity on The Moon.
I told her that there is gravity.
I asked her how it is possible for people to stand on The Moon, if not for gravity.
She told me it's because people have weights in their shoes (as if weight would matter without gravity).
I scream at her as I pound my fists deeper and deeper into my skull.
Miss Couden says something, but I can't quite remember what she said, because I was hitting myself in the head really hard.
I leave my group of idiots and talk to Ben, and Kendra, and Megan, and Ross.
I didn't talk to April.
The end.

Today...

Today, yes.
Today indeed.
I did some fun things today.
I know I did.
Well.
Sam put a shoe in the urinal before swim practice and peed in it.
I told him to put it somewhere, so the owner would find it and put it on.
Sam decides to put it on top of the lockers, so someone would pull it down and get urine all over.
After practice, a few of us were in the shower.
I was naked.
I'm always naked.
I told Chris Wooten to get the shoe for me.
He tells me he knows what's going on.
I tell Aaron Cherry (he was standing right there when i told Wooten to get the shoe) to get the shoe.
Aaron Cherry gets the shoe and throws it at me.
I dodge the shoe.
We all laugh at Cherry.
The others tell Cherry to wash his hands.
Sam tells Cherry what the deal is.
Cherry come back over and hits the shoe with his bag.
The bag might have hit someone.
The bag might have hit me.
I don't remember.
But we all ended up throwing the shoe at each other.
I was naked.
I did most of the throwing.
Felps nailed me in the back one time.
I hit Wooten in the face with it.
We all went home.
The end.

Quan's Dwelling

I haven't written anything in here for a while, I think. I don't have much to say.

I get to talk at the convocation tomorrow. That should be good fun for all.

I read Ishmael a couple weeks ago. It was good. I read almost all of Song
of Susannah at our conference meet. It was a big meet. I've been trying to read The Dark Tower, but it's been really hard, because I'm tired, and I fall asleep when I'm tired.

We had a vocab test or quiz or something in English last week. We had to write these sentences at the end using some of the words. These sentences were really good, and I was afraid Miss Cowden would throw it away when she saw them. Today someone told me she was telling her classes about it, so I guess she thought they were pretty good, and didn't throw it away. I might have to put them in here at a later date.

I found out the other day that I'm really hot, and I had to break this one chick's heart, because I don't want to be limited to just one hole right now, because if I'm really that hot then there's a lot more I can do for my country.

Predidation.

Shanitooda.

Did Someone Leave a Window Open?

Shit! Shit! Shit!
So many good stories about my rough draft to tell.
Miss Couden seemed slightly upset with it. I got to class and we split up into our peer-edit groups, and then she comes over and takes my paper away from Melanie Poehner (she was the one proofreading it) and read some of it. Then she told me to sit in the corner. A few minutes later she pulled me out of the classroom and started talking to me about my recent writings. What I got from our little conversation is that she is growing tired of my humor, and I need to start trying to be a little more funny in order to keep her from writing me up. Melanie approached me after school and told me how good she thought my paper was. She didn't seem to share Miss Couden's feelings on how awesome my paper is. She told me it all seemed like a good paper, except for the few words that she found to be inappropriate. When I got home from school, my dad was on the phone with Miss Couden. I didn't hear much of the conversation, but I did hear my dad say he would contact my doctor and find out if my medication could be causing my strange behavior. I hope my doctor says it is the medication, because I could then keep doing crazy shit all the time and just say it's the medication. Success!

Rough Drafted

Spousal abuse. That's the topic of my English paper right up in here. I wanted to do inappropriate student-teacher relationships, but Miss Cowden wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't let me do inbreeding or bestiality, either. So, fuck. This is what I'm doing, and I'm trying to do my best with it. I know it can't ever be as good as my gay rights paper, but what. It's supposed to be like five pages long or something, but my rough draft is only like a page and a half. So it goes.

Here it is. I'll post the final guy when I'm all done with it.

Spousal Abuse
Since the beginning of time, America has been known for the amount of women being punched in the face by their spouses. The only thing higher on the list is the amount of fat, ugly freaks. The cause of all the abuse: Some might say it is a lack of leadership. Others might say it is from a lack of God. And, of course, there are the few who claim to be out of order. Drugs, such as anabolic steroids, and alcohol are usually present in many reported cases in the United States each year. One should always remember, however, that spousal abuse cannot occur without the spouse. Therefore, it is always the woman’s fault.
In years long past, abused women were said to be like bananas, prisoners in their own abusive worlds. As time has moved on, more and more of these women have come forth, admitting to what they have been given by their leader. At an earlier point in time, they would surely have been murdered for committing such a heinous act. One big reason for all of this coming forward nonsense is the ever-increasing availability of new kinds of help.
It is very hard to give a description to an abusive spouse. A characteristic found in many cases is the abusive spouse being much taller and fatter than the abused. The man might have been trained to fight at one point or another in his life, being taught that it is manly to punch people in the face when they piss him off. Men who abuse their wives also tend to have much higher IQs than their wives, but that one really doesn’t count–men usually have higher IQs anyway. These men blame most of the abuse on their wives. They tell these women that it is their fault for not loving them. They tell the women they would not care what they do if they really loved them. Most of these women cannot quite comprehend the messages, though. This is why they end up getting blasted.
Homosexuals never have problems with abusive spouses. All homosexuals have low IQs. This is why they end up being gay in the first place. They are retarded.
Homosexuals have been marked as being gay. They are gay because they are happy. They are happy, because they are not afraid to be open about who they are and what they stand for. Men who are not openly gay are only lying to themselves. They get this anxiety built up inside of them. This anxiety continues to build up until it turns into anger. When they have enough anger, they find ways to vent it. They might turn to gambling, drinking, or having sex with as many chicks as possible to prove they are strait. When their wives start catching on, the men will try to destroy them in order to keep their secret a secret.
Many of these fighting men don’t want to do anything that would make them look at all feminine. They believe the man should be a man and the woman should do all the nurturing and whatnot. He thinks that if she gets out of line, it makes him look like a little girl, so he has to knock her ass out in order to keep his reputation.
Abusive men tend to almost have a split personality. They can be the kindest of people at one point and the craziest mo-fos the next. They might talk nicely to their wives, and everything is going well, but then their fists start talking for them. Here’s what they say: "Say somethin, bitch!" So it goes.
That’s all.