Come to Think of it, I don't have Any Rolls

Yesterday, we had a swim meet against Warren Central. We won. When we were done swimming, Felps dircted my attention toward a girl sitting way up in the bleachers. I couldn't see her very well (she was facing the other direction and talking on her cell phone), but Felps assured me she had big boobies, so I told him we should just stand there and stare at her. We did that for a little while, and then we walked over to the diving area. We talked to Tyty for just a little while, and then I happened to look back at the bleachers. There I saw my mom, standing behind that one girl, waving at us, so I said, "Hey guys, let's pretend to wave at my mom, but really be doing it to that chick up there, that way no one will ever know." We waved, and my mom tapped the girl on the shoulder, and then pointed to us and then we went into the locker room. On our way out of the school, I waved to the girl and said goodbye, and then we came back to Shelbyville. A little after ten, I went over to Stefan's house, where we watched Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas. My dad called about ten minutes into the movie, because I had left my house without telling anyone, and he was quite confused. I told him that Stefan and I were watching a porno, and that it'd be done it five minutes. He then said, "Alright, well, I'll see you in about ten minutes." The movie ended about one point five seven hours later, and I got home at a little bit past twelve. The movie was good, and I would highly recommend watching it.

I played tag in the locker room after swim practice today. I later sat down and discovered something amazing, but I'm never gonna tell anyone about it, because it is totally inappropriate.

My Turn

Yesterday...

I got to school about ten minutes late.
I got a pass to go down and see Mister Zobel.
I got drug tested along with Paul, Zach Fox, Alyssa, and some other peoples.
I was being really funny.
I just kept drinking and talking to the nurse and the other chick and the people.
A little after an hour of waiting, Paul decided to go potty.
I tried to get into the bathroom while Paul was urinating, but the drug chick wouldn't let go, and she told me I couldn't go in, so I got in Paul's binder and found his Cheez-Itz and ate a bunch and then I hid the rest under the laying down thing.
A little bit after Paul went potty, I tried to leave the clinic, and the nurse asked me where I was going, and I told her I had to go to the bathroom, and she told me to pee in a cup.
I went into the bathroom, and I tried to pee in the cup, and it was hard to do.
I peed on the outside of the cup and on the floor.
I filled the cup right up.
I tried to take the cup of urine out to show everybody, but the chick wouldn't let me.
She had me pour the urine into two guys, and I put the guys on them and put them in a couple of bags.
I tried to shake the chick's hand.
She told me she didn't want to shake my hand even though I'm left-handed.
I stood there wondering how she knew I was left-handed.
I wash my hands and go to another bathroom, far away.
I go to see Coach Man.
Coach Man isn't in his room.
I shouldn't mix tenses.
But I do it anyway.
I go to the last three minutes of music theory.
Life continues.
For a little while.
In English, Amber Lovitt starts saying a bunch of stupid shit to piss me off.
She starts by saying that life would be a lot colder on a different planet, because you would be in space, and space is cold.
She went on to say that there is no gravity on The Moon.
I told her that there is gravity.
I asked her how it is possible for people to stand on The Moon, if not for gravity.
She told me it's because people have weights in their shoes (as if weight would matter without gravity).
I scream at her as I pound my fists deeper and deeper into my skull.
Miss Couden says something, but I can't quite remember what she said, because I was hitting myself in the head really hard.
I leave my group of idiots and talk to Ben, and Kendra, and Megan, and Ross.
I didn't talk to April.
The end.

Today...

Today, yes.
Today indeed.
I did some fun things today.
I know I did.
Well.
Sam put a shoe in the urinal before swim practice and peed in it.
I told him to put it somewhere, so the owner would find it and put it on.
Sam decides to put it on top of the lockers, so someone would pull it down and get urine all over.
After practice, a few of us were in the shower.
I was naked.
I'm always naked.
I told Chris Wooten to get the shoe for me.
He tells me he knows what's going on.
I tell Aaron Cherry (he was standing right there when i told Wooten to get the shoe) to get the shoe.
Aaron Cherry gets the shoe and throws it at me.
I dodge the shoe.
We all laugh at Cherry.
The others tell Cherry to wash his hands.
Sam tells Cherry what the deal is.
Cherry come back over and hits the shoe with his bag.
The bag might have hit someone.
The bag might have hit me.
I don't remember.
But we all ended up throwing the shoe at each other.
I was naked.
I did most of the throwing.
Felps nailed me in the back one time.
I hit Wooten in the face with it.
We all went home.
The end.

Slap in the Mexican

Today, today was good--yes. I went sledding after practice one. Well, I came home first and ate. My parents gave me an Orgazmo t-shirt because it didn't quite come in time for BLAIREmas (I guess I showed you, didn't I Sean Hudson?). Well, Susan came over to my house with Kylie to pick me up. We went over there and met Eric Byrer, Germany, and Felps. Susan Dyke went down the hill first and hurt herself. I went down after her and about broke the spinal chords. We found a new hill and had a good time with it, then we found the best one. We went down the best one a few times, and it was nice--I like you. After that, I noticed the pond. The water was mostly frozen on the topety-bop, and I thought it would be fun to see how much it could resist, so I went out on it. After going out a little ways and jumping around, Eric Byrer decided to join me. Once we were out about to there, Eric found a huge freakin tree limb or whatever. We started hitting the ice with it to see how much. We didn't get anywheres with that, as you might have already figured out for yourself, so Felps came around to try his luck. He lifted the guy way the fuck up there in the air and slammed it right on the ice. Well, the ice didn't break, but the wooden guy did, and the top half of it bounced right off the ice and blasted Felps right in his stupid, British head. We all laughed and had a good time with that one, yes. After that was over, Eric and I finished our journey to the other side, and all was good. We found a metal thing close to the other side, so we took it, and Eric threw it over there. We walked over to the place where the water was and the ice was very thin. Eric and I were holding hands when we heard the ice cracking beneath our feet. We quickly turned and headed in the other direction, and we made it out alive. After retrieving the metal guy, i returned to the thin area. I spent the next five minutes destroying the ice and flooding the place with water. When I got tired of that, I threw the metal guy on the thinness,and as luck would have it, my right glove went with it. You see, the metal guy had jagged edges, and it was this that took my glove and yes. I was quite fearful that my glove had gone into the water, and it had, only it was the water that had flooded the ice. Yes, it was that water. I then had to go out and take back what was mine. I took Eric's hand. He stood on the somewhat thick ice as I stepped onto the thin ice. As the ice creaked under my huge muscles, I reached out for my hat, I mean glove. I managed to grab it, and Eric pulled me to safety. We all left and went to swim practice, and lived happily ever after, except for Kyle, who died from AIDS two weeks later.

Who did this?

We had our Shelby Relays yesterday. A bunch of us went to Cagney's afterwards, then a few came over to my house and watched Fahrenheit 9/11. Then we went to Taco Bell. After that, I called Amanda and she told me that her family watched Fahrenheit 9/11. Eric Byrer One, Phelps, and I went to Amanda's house and kidnapped her. We took her to my house, and she kept trying to make out with me, so I slapped her in the face, and then I had sex with Phelps. After Amanda didn't let me take her home, Eric Byrer One took me to my car at Taco Bell, and I got in my car and rolled the windows down, because it was really cold outside, and then I turned on my car, and Korn's cover of "Another Brick in the Wall" was just coming on, and I started yelling really loud, because that is my favorite song right now, and it's really long, so I had to drive around a really long time with my windows down, and I got really cold, and it made me happy. I went home and wanted to watch Roger and Me while lifting weights, but the DVD player wasn't hooked up, and I didn't want to hook it up, so I just had to watch Toon Disney.

I just watched the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory teaser on the internet a few minutes ago. It looks pretty neat. It looks kinda stupid. I'd post the link to it if I could find it again, but, luckily, my computer is fucked up right now, and I can't do it.

When we got to the school for our swim meet yesterday, there was a sign in the locker room that said we couldn't bring any food or drinks into the pool area. Tyty didn't like it, so he took the tape off, and taped it back up there, backwards. Mr. Heidenreich (Is that how you spell it?) later called us all into the locker room and asked who did it, and Tyty raised his hand, and Heidenreich asked him why he did it, and he said he did it because he didn't like it, and then Mr. Heidenreich made him meet him in his office, where he yelled at him for about twenty minutes. When Tyty returned to the pool, he was crying like a little bitch, and it made me laugh.