Hammertime

I've had very little time to sleep lately, thanks to some asshole. It all started about a week ago, when I decided I would start reading the Hunter S. Thompson books given to me to read by a close friend: Stefan (the asshole). I can't clearly remember the last time I was so hooked into a book that I found myself waking up early to read. There have been numerous occasions where I have stayed up all night (or all day) to read, but I'd never prematurely risen from bed to do it. Sleeping is nearly my favorite thing to do, and I hate stopping it when I don't have to. That should tell you how bad the situation has become.

Had become.

The situation is now over. I am both relieved and saddened. I've read more in the past week than I have the rest of the year (divided by seventeen). If this confuses you, it's only because I have failed to mention the many other works I have read this week as well. And I will continue to fail to do so.
Here we see the asshole with his hot out-of-the-oven bride, or, as I like to call her, Sam Gambrel.





Kingdom of Fear immediately took a hold on my mind. After reading the first page, I knew I was about to lose sleep. There was no way around it. With work and beating off, I just didn't have time for both constant reading and sleep. I had to not have one. IT wasn't a hard choice to make; the book pretty much made the choice for me. It reminds me of the time I read some Tucker Max. You know what I'm talking about: "I hate my table." It clicked just like that.

Block paragraphs.

I had trouble tell at times what was real and what was kinda real (or, I should say, kinda not real). When the Judge came into the scene, I immediately wondered if I was reading pure fiction. It was the only time I got that feeling during the book. I'm sure some or most of it might have been based on actual happenings--we are talking about HST, after all.

Overall, I'd give the book a ten out of five. The only problem I had was not having my own copy to paint. I sent my cousin, Deanna, to fetch me my own many times, all to no avail.

Screwjack was second on the list. It was the only book I was able to put down as fast as I picked it up, only because that's how long it was. It was touching, but felt like what it had would have worked better if it was divided and archived with other works, like the Leach story. I'm not saying it wasn't of worth, but that it was over before you could enjoy it. Like a premature orgasm without the embarrassment.

I immediately went from Screwjack into the first 100 pages of Better than Sex. That was just the other day. I finished the second half earlier today. It offered a somewhat different experience compared to the other books. It was pure politics. Amazing stories. I learned a lot about politicians I'm sure I wouldn't have found anywhere else. It exposed a lot of the players and made them seem more like real people than the fictitious characters they appear to be on TV.

If I had to give the books a label, I would call them inspiring. Taking control of ones life seems possible through the examples of Dr. Thompson. I most likely wouldn't be writing a new blog post if it weren't for him (or the asshole who lost many hours of my sleep time).

'Til next time. Mahalo...nigga!

Finally

An energy efficient Google.

Goddamn Finally

I finally got this internet connection working with Ubuntu. This is my first go with it. I'm not about to start installing Google desktops and whatnot yet, due to the fact that I'm about to install Ubuntu 7.04 or something.

I got up way too early, and I have to work from 10:30 until sometime tomorrow morning, so I think I'll be getting pretty tired. That's why I don't have the energy to write any more right now.

Nothing

So, you know those bulletin posts on Myspace where people add their names to the list of people who will stand up for God? Well, instead of adding my name to the list, I simply changed the subject of the list from "I will stand up for God" to "Kill God" and reposted it. I left all the names on the list. I am so funny.


I've been working at Marsh, lifting weights and playing Tetris DS lately. I haven't really been involved in too much else lately (except getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole family).

I'm trying to get a second job at Gamestop.


That's all.

Brad's Graduation

It's on the 26th. The whole thing starts at 2pm.

If you need help finding the place, you can always go here.

Long Time, No Shit

I haven't written in here for awhiles, because I don't use my computer for anything but a CD player these days. Writing would be much easier to do if Nintendo would release a goddamn Wiiboard. Anyway, I hope one of these places give me a job, because I'm bored as shit and ready to move on.

I want someone to teach me how to sail.

If there was more time, I would be more happy with time wasted, but this isn't the case.

Shelbyville's library sucks balls.

Stefan and I went to Chicago with his dad the other day. It was my first time there, and it was good. The weather wasn't that great, yet I felt as though it was great enough. Make sense?
So we took the tour and took his dad to the airport. We got back to town and . . .

that's all.

Congradulationships

I lost about 30 pounds and grew ten years younger in the past few days, and I don't like it.

I (Someone else) recently broke my computer and have been using my (Nintendo) Wii for most of my internet needs. But there have been people asking for my help in computer type shit, allowing me to see how far behind some people are behind on the computer timeline.

The first problem I found is the number of people using AT&T Yahoo! based web programs because that is what comes with they internet service. This is a terrible idea. Using the AT&T Yahoo! browser again has made me aware of how truly terrible it is. Don't use this browser. The fact that it works with absolutely none of the current websites (not entirely true) on the internet today should be enough to get rid of it, but I'll go a little further with the evidence if anyone doesn't care about seeing websites. Customization is limited to the point that you can't add toolbars, the Google Web Accelerator, or any other helpful add-ons. And finally, fuck this browser. Use Firefox. If you don't want to use Firefox, don't use AT&T Yahoo!. There are plenty of other browser available:

Opera (I don't have a lot of experience with the version for Windows, because it tends to take up more of the UCP power and Firefox is better. But, I do use the Wii version of the browser, and I'm satisfied enough with it to suggest the Windows version as a good alternative to AT&T.)

IE (It comes with Windows. And as much as I hate to suggest it, it is a great deal better than the AT&T browser.)

The Kicking Testicles

So, I've been reading a lot about the problems Dell has been facing of late. Sales have been down. CEO step down. CEO come back. So, to curve the latest Dell hatin' trends, Dell has been letting the customers make suggestions. I believe Dell might have expected people to ask for lower prices; maybe an English-speaking customer service staff. They might have found that they bit off a little more than they could chew, swallow, piss right away, and get pregnant as a result when they noticed too many people were demanding this; though, it may be awhile before wee see this type of deal set in stone. It sounds like a great idea to me, being the open source guy I am, but I don't know if I would buy a PC knowing I would only use this. I'd say, if anything, I'd get a Mac and dual boot it with this OS. However, Internet Explorer does seem like a fine browser, but anyone who has used Mozilla Firefox knows there is no comparison. I think it would be great to see PCs come packed with Firefox rather than IE. Either way, I think it's great to see a PC company move away from helping Microsoft create monopolies for itself. And these requests just show how people are looking for just that.


Google's newly released Google Apps., which has been predicted would have trouble competing with Microsoft's more expensive Microsoft Office applications, is showing some good early progress with replacing Microsoft Office in around 100,000 businesses. This is good despite the security (which is actually very good) and offline issues the applications face. Google will no doubt see much more business coming out of this as reluctant companies see more of what Google Apps can do. If you're the kind of person (and not a company) who sees this as some great shit, you can use the free version, Google Docs & Spreadsheets. If you're just looking for a word processor, you might want to check out Corel's new WordPerfect Lightning. If you've never used WordPerfect before, it's a lot like Microsoft Word, but with many more helpful features and will proofread your work like nobody's business. I haven't use the new Lightning version yet, but you go ahead, and I'll just assume it's good. Keep in mind it's still in beta.


This week in stupidity:

Fox News has created its own conservative answer to Comedy Central's "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart." The show seems to be doing very poorly due to its audience and the fact that the producer doesn't seem to have ever seen "The Daily Show."

I used to think my Wii was a harmless thing. Other people seemed to think so, too. It was even making decent sales. All of that ended when the Christians showed up.

If you use e-mail, blogs, or anything, please watch out for this.


I've been looking back on my blog for the past twenty seconds, wondering what has happened. Things didn't used to be this way. It didn't take me long to realize that the fact is, all I ever do is fuck and read the news. I realize my lack of readers don't want to hear about my huge, black dick in some bitches ass, so I bring you the news that is important to me. Because, that is all there is left.

Anyway, how are you guys? It's been awhile since we last talked. I'm doing well. I went to the funeral home a few hours ago to see my good friend, Jake. He didn't say a lot.

I got a couple of movies tonight. I'm about to watch one of them. House of 1,000 Corpses, I'd say. I heard it's good.


You guys know any good books out there? I've got plenty of ideas, but I would like some more.

Toothpaste & Diarrhea

I was watching Neil deGrasse Tyson promote his new book on BookTV tonight. He spoke of black holes and asteroids and water and death. I liked pretty much everything he had to say. He suggested we look up an article he had written tat didn't quite make it into the book by means of a quick Google search. I responded, "You seem like my kind of fuck. Yes, I will look up your article using my local Google search engine." I typed the words he suggested, and there it was--top of the shit. I clicked on the result and read. It was a short but interesting read on spherical shapes in the universe. Though, it seems like you would not assume I meant spherical shapes outside the universe; therefore, please disregard my saying, "in the universe." If you are the type of person who shows interest in the universe and enjoys discussing such things over some beers, feel free to read Tyson's article: On Being Round.

On a much lighter note, I may have found a job in the unattainable portion of the temp community production possibilities frontier. If I were to get this job, I would no longer have to break up with my girlfriend; instead, I could afford to simply kill her.

Mozilla finally released an updated version of its Firefox 2 model. Security flaws were fixed, but more importantly, my copy and paste problem was put right. You can update your browser by going to getfirefox.com, but I don't know why anyone would want to to that when all he or she would need to do is select "Check for updates..." in the help menu in the Firefox browser.

If you are a video game enthusiast, or if you've become like me, a technology and business enthusiast, you could check out Nexgen Wars dot com. The website lets the consumer (or non-consumer) vote for which of the three next generation video game consoles they would expect to win round seven of the ever going console wars. Normally I would care less about such a situation, but this time it's personal. You see, in the past, there has always been multiple consoles for me to care about. The Atari competed against masturbation. Both all right choices. The NES had the SNES. The SNES had the Genesis. The N64 had the Dreamcast. The Dreamcast had the PS2. The PS2 did not have the Gamecube (although the Gamecube was a fair enough choice). All of these were tremendous choices, except for the Atari (and all the other ones that were not masturbation). Normally, I would still have my two choices in the argument: Sony v. Nintendo (due to my dislike of Microsoft, they will never make a good enough anything for me, unless it's masturbation . . . or parenthesis), but this time it's personal. I at one time in my life thought Sony was cool--thought Sony was my friend. But sadly, Sony fucked me over one too many time (one time). I would now love to see Sony crash and burn. Now, try to imagine my rage at reading the professional market outcome predictors' predictions that the PS3 will ultimately win the war. I killed seven of my twelve hostages that day. End the end, it will be up to the consumer to decide, and so far, the consumer chooses the Wii at over 50 percent of the vote.

Keep in mind the 360 has not only been out for fifteen months while the other two have only been out three since first release, but it also attributes half (blatant lie, total exaggeration, I made it up) its sales to people replacing faulty models. I feel sorry for this guy.

I don't meant to make it sound like I'm a hard-core video gamer. I'm not. I might have been at one time. I spend maybe three hours a month playing video games (if I'm lucky). My day is mostly comprised of reading the news (up to two hours a day), lifting weights, maybe running, studying economics, studying anything and reading anything good. I didn't even know the Wii was capable of playing video games. Up until last night, I thought is was just an interactive TV program/computer. I spent my hours reading news on the news channel, checking up on the weather on the weather channel, checking my Myspace and Gmail and watching Google Video/Youtube videos on the internet channel, practicing my right to vote on the everybody votes channel, downloading new channels and video games I never play on the virtual console channel, and redesigning photographs on the photo channel. Come to think of it, I've never ever heard of such a thing as a video game. What is a video game anyway? I don't even know.

Now that I've got it in my head, I like to discuss this everybody votes channel. On its surface, it seems very shallow. You vote in polls composed of silly little questions. That's the silly part. But if one were to tether a heavy stone to one of the restraining hostages feet, that person would find that this is a much deeper lake. After picking one of two responses to a question, the user gets the option to predict which response will get the most votes. After the votes are counted, the Mii (the user's pawn) gets a score. After finding the results of so many polls, the system will be able to show the user where he or she is lacking in mental growth based on right or wrong predictions and the type of questions he or she makes predictions on. So far, I a fucking genius in every aspect.

My love affair with this machine isn't ill-founded. I have frown to love growth. The opportunities to learn are endless with the Wii. The other options in this field offer nothing like this. Their boxes should be labeled "No expansion necessary!" It's just more of the same. Even if you don't enjoy video games, it's something you should have. Even when it isn't on, I have so much fun pretending the remote is a gun. It feels so good to give that trigger a squeeze.

I lift weight and run enough for neither to make me sore, no matter how long I do or don't do either one. Thanks to my Wii, I spent ten minutes boxing in front of my TV the other day, and I couldn't move the next morning. No bull.

On that note, I'd like to bring up the fact that I hate not being in school. If I had the funding, I would always be studying everything any old genius can enemize me with. Thanks to the system, that reality has become a very large virtual reality. I wish I could at least live in a university community. That way I could find the professor bars, drink with the professors, discuss issues with the professors, and get a much cheaper education with the benefit of studying one-on-one with the professors.

Please send me money. I've grown to love economics and computers, and my learning potential keeps growing.


I'd be lying if I were to say that I haven't been quite affected by death of late. To start off, my great-great-aunt died. That didn't affect me so much, but it did introduce me to some new family. I'd say my family tree sprouted a second trunk that day. It was a trunk I didn't want to be associated with, but it was a trunk nonetheless.

DeWayne Saylor was a kick-ass guy I hung out with this one time in middle school. We started out hanging out separately at the same movie theater, but became more hanging out in the same group as the night progressed. The movie was Saving Silverman. He left th movie and came back with some Twizzlers, which he offered to everyone, even me, a guy he didn't know. We were all on our way to Cagney's after the movies like so many other time, and as we waited for traffic to stop at the intersection, he passed through. The traffic never seemed to slowed down or part for him, yet he made it through, unharmed. The seating arrangement was Kylie Dickmann and some other people at one table; Jake Miller, DeWayne, Stefan and myself at another table; and Jeff Lee and some people on the horizon. The fat waitress would walk by, and DeWayne would act like there was an earthquake. After awhile, Stefan and DeWayne walked over to Speedway to get Kylie some Tic-tacs. Stefan came back with Tic-tacs and Dewayne came back with a huge-ass flashlight. And that's all I remember. I regret not knowing him better.

I heard from Stephanie Mae on our way to Taco Bell that my good friend, Jake Hargrove, had passed away as the result of a car accident the night before. I can't be sure it's true just yet, but I've seen enough evidence on Myspace to feel he is really no longer with us. I knew Jake pretty well. I hadn't really seen him much lately, but we sure did hang out quite a bit during school in my younger days, mainly during recess hours at Loper. I remember in fourth grade, we had to read to the first graders in Mrs. Meredith's class. During one of these outings, Jake got on the Mac in the back of the room, where we were both supposed to be reading to kids, and fucked around with all sorts of shit. This probably wouldn't be all that funny today (he wasn't doing anything damaging), but back then, we didn't know anything about what was going on. All we knew was we weren't allowed to fuck with the computers, or some serious shit would go down. I laughed so hard I cried, watching Jake fuck around with that shit. He was the first person I ever saw with a CD player. He had it out at recess. I was surprised to see how fast the CD was spinning. It was like a record player on crack. The rest of my life is mostly a blur up until the point where we had all sorts of fun in study hall. My most favorite memory from that time is of Jake feeding me Pop-tarts and wiping the crumbs off my face in a very homosexual way and the pregnant study hall lady getting pissed off in the process. She seemed to be pissed off a lot. I think it was because she was pregnant. I remember she'd get really pissed when Jake would start pulling the string from his sweatshirt hood through his numerous holes. That was neat too. I regret not hanging out with Jake more. We never partied together. That's why everyone needs to get outside and get laid right now. I'll miss you big time, Jake. And if you aren't really dead, I'll miss you someday.








I decided to skip a few lines, because I still have things to write about, but no transition.

After my aunt's funeral, I got to know my cousins, Cody, Ashley, and I want to say Paul. I also made everyone laugh and love me. I talked to the Aunt Betty and the Uncle Tom about their boys. Ate. Hugged everyone before leaving. It was a good time on all accounts.

I guess I'll make this it then.

Everyone should read Freakonomics if they haven't yet. There is even a bigger and expandeder version out now. Feel free to pick up a copy.

Please Don't Spend Any More Money On Ringtones

You can just go to buildatone.com and make your own for free.

It looks like I'm finally getting a job. Feel free to send me money anyway. You know where to find me.

I've been reading and exercising way too much lately. I have have decided to change my routine more toward eating and sleeping activities.

I've been going through my entire blog, fixing (some) spelling and grammatical errors. I think I will be making a list of my favorite posts. I had forgotten how funny I used to be. The list we be more for me and less for you. I just love reading about myself.

Anyway, stay strong. And keep shitting.

A NEW RECORD!!!!

Well, it's been a little over two months since Sony's Playstation 3 saw a release in Japan, and, wouldn't you know it, the price is already dropping. Is it because Sony has found a more efficient way to produce them? No. According to this, Sony has nothing to do drop. Retailers are just trying to get whatever they can for the 20GB model of the console, which the article claims "PS3 sales in Japan haven't cooled off, they've frozen."

Now this doesn't really seem like much of a surprise to us. Sony seems to be seeing the same problem here in America. Go into any game retailer, and you can see the PS3s just sitting on the shelves, not going anywhere. You can't even get retail price for them on eBay.

So, if you've already purchased a PS3, I'm sorry. And if you haven't, wait a month or two, and you'll have the opportunity to buy the cheapest Blu-ray DVD player/toilet on the market.

What sounds better to you? A Blu-ray DVD player at the high price of $1,000? Or a Blu-ray DVD player/toilet for $50? Do the right thing.

I Found Myself Lying In My Own Milk

I was awoken yesterday morning at around seven a.m. when my father came into my room. I got up to take out my retainer. When I returned, I found my blanket, soaked with Blaire nipple juice. I had trouble sleeping after that point. I had been in the middle of one of the best dreams in a long time when I was awoken, and my mind kept turning to it. I managed to get close to sleep around nine, but found myself tired of trying when I noticed the big spot on my sheet under my nipple.

I illegally downloaded Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan and Jackass Number Two. They were both good, but the former was the one that was hilarious. I'd highly recommend it to anyone with two dicks.

If anyone needs to take a shit at this point, we are in the same boat.

(Chris) Tucker Max

It looks like our old pal Tucker Max has been busy getting ready for Comedy Central on the television and writing a new book, Asshole Finish First. Tucker has had these (this and this) things to say about things. Personally, I don't know if the show would be that great, but the book is looking pretty good.

This Guy's Name is Frosty

"Condoms don't belong in school, and neither does Al Gore. He's not a schoolteacher," said Frosty Hardison, a parent of seven who also said that he believes the Earth is 14,000 years old. "The information that's being presented is a very cockeyed view of what the truth is. ... The Bible says that in the end times everything will burn up, but that perspective isn't in the DVD."


I'm just glad we have nutjobs like this guy to help destroy today's yoots.

So I guess what this guy is saying is as long as we have global warming, we will have a lower percentage of oxygen, and without sufficient oxygen, God's flames will die out quickly, leaving us to reap the benefits and retire early.

Thank you, Frosty. Now give me back my goddamn magic hat before you scare any more children with your shenanigans.