German Salsa

Germany's birthday was yesterday, so Eric Byrer decided to have me come over to his house. I don't really wanna write about all that went down, but I went with Eric Byrer as he took Eric Byrer Two home, and I sat in back with Eric Byrer Two, and we kept hitting each other in the balls, then I grabbed his balls, and then we started hitting each other, just playing around, and then I punched him in his head really hard, and he started crying, and we all laughed and that's about it.

By the way-
True or false....

Slap in the Mexican

Today, today was good--yes. I went sledding after practice one. Well, I came home first and ate. My parents gave me an Orgazmo t-shirt because it didn't quite come in time for BLAIREmas (I guess I showed you, didn't I Sean Hudson?). Well, Susan came over to my house with Kylie to pick me up. We went over there and met Eric Byrer, Germany, and Felps. Susan Dyke went down the hill first and hurt herself. I went down after her and about broke the spinal chords. We found a new hill and had a good time with it, then we found the best one. We went down the best one a few times, and it was nice--I like you. After that, I noticed the pond. The water was mostly frozen on the topety-bop, and I thought it would be fun to see how much it could resist, so I went out on it. After going out a little ways and jumping around, Eric Byrer decided to join me. Once we were out about to there, Eric found a huge freakin tree limb or whatever. We started hitting the ice with it to see how much. We didn't get anywheres with that, as you might have already figured out for yourself, so Felps came around to try his luck. He lifted the guy way the fuck up there in the air and slammed it right on the ice. Well, the ice didn't break, but the wooden guy did, and the top half of it bounced right off the ice and blasted Felps right in his stupid, British head. We all laughed and had a good time with that one, yes. After that was over, Eric and I finished our journey to the other side, and all was good. We found a metal thing close to the other side, so we took it, and Eric threw it over there. We walked over to the place where the water was and the ice was very thin. Eric and I were holding hands when we heard the ice cracking beneath our feet. We quickly turned and headed in the other direction, and we made it out alive. After retrieving the metal guy, i returned to the thin area. I spent the next five minutes destroying the ice and flooding the place with water. When I got tired of that, I threw the metal guy on the thinness,and as luck would have it, my right glove went with it. You see, the metal guy had jagged edges, and it was this that took my glove and yes. I was quite fearful that my glove had gone into the water, and it had, only it was the water that had flooded the ice. Yes, it was that water. I then had to go out and take back what was mine. I took Eric's hand. He stood on the somewhat thick ice as I stepped onto the thin ice. As the ice creaked under my huge muscles, I reached out for my hat, I mean glove. I managed to grab it, and Eric pulled me to safety. We all left and went to swim practice, and lived happily ever after, except for Kyle, who died from AIDS two weeks later.

Dancing

I'm having a great time.

A picture by Kris Conover.

I found this.

The Mouse

My Shit

My awesome new blog, you guys.

Who did this?

We had our Shelby Relays yesterday. A bunch of us went to Cagney's afterwards, then a few came over to my house and watched Fahrenheit 9/11. Then we went to Taco Bell. After that, I called Amanda and she told me that her family watched Fahrenheit 9/11. Eric Byrer One, Phelps, and I went to Amanda's house and kidnapped her. We took her to my house, and she kept trying to make out with me, so I slapped her in the face, and then I had sex with Phelps. After Amanda didn't let me take her home, Eric Byrer One took me to my car at Taco Bell, and I got in my car and rolled the windows down, because it was really cold outside, and then I turned on my car, and Korn's cover of "Another Brick in the Wall" was just coming on, and I started yelling really loud, because that is my favorite song right now, and it's really long, so I had to drive around a really long time with my windows down, and I got really cold, and it made me happy. I went home and wanted to watch Roger and Me while lifting weights, but the DVD player wasn't hooked up, and I didn't want to hook it up, so I just had to watch Toon Disney.

I just watched the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory teaser on the internet a few minutes ago. It looks pretty neat. It looks kinda stupid. I'd post the link to it if I could find it again, but, luckily, my computer is fucked up right now, and I can't do it.

When we got to the school for our swim meet yesterday, there was a sign in the locker room that said we couldn't bring any food or drinks into the pool area. Tyty didn't like it, so he took the tape off, and taped it back up there, backwards. Mr. Heidenreich (Is that how you spell it?) later called us all into the locker room and asked who did it, and Tyty raised his hand, and Heidenreich asked him why he did it, and he said he did it because he didn't like it, and then Mr. Heidenreich made him meet him in his office, where he yelled at him for about twenty minutes. When Tyty returned to the pool, he was crying like a little bitch, and it made me laugh.

Tomorrow

Horrible day. I don't know why it was so bad. I don't remember anything bad happening. I had a good time running with Eric Byrer and Nick Allen, though. It was my first time running since cross country, cock.

Grandpa Dick

55.9 seconds in the 100 free. We one, I guess. Fuck it. Shut up, and listen.

Fuck Quest 64

My map's back, but all my fucking red dots are gone. Shit!

Today

I've been really upset all day because of the death and the end of the world and people leaving. That's about it.

Yesterday

control + z = Undo
I need to remember that next time I delete everything I just typed.

I'm having a bad day.

I'll go ahead and retype everything I had right here.

Yesterday we had to run the 800m in fitness. I had to try to beat two minutes and eighteen seconds. I ran two minutes and twenty-three seconds. That's five seconds slower than it was last time I ran it. It was still the best time out of everyone in the whole school by ten seconds...at least five, anyway.

My mom, my brother, and I had chili for din-din last night. My mom got up from the table to do something, and my brother got up to get a package of swiss cake rolls from the guy. My brother sat back down at the table, opened up the package, and pulled off the outer layer of chocolate. He put the chocolate and a pickle slice in my mom's chili. It was really funny when she came back. (Feel free to insert your own Blaire impression of mommy here.) And that's what she said, and it was really funny.

Map Quest 64

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MAP!!!!!

AND WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BUDDY SHIT!!!!!

My Awesome New Picture Drewed Blog

Yeah. Right here, you guys!

Don't forget to watch South Park tonight.

We ain't White, We ain't White

Here you go, Nutsack.

Hilary Duff is Fat

"...wash your genitalia." -Tyler Orem

Vote or Die, Mr. Lux

I drew this picture on my Bio homework last night. I knew I was gonna get all of the points on this assignment, so I drew this picture at the bottom, depicting me bringing my A+ home to show Mommy.

I started writing this awesome story in study hall called "Cotton Candy." It's about this little kid's first day of kindergarten, and it's really good. Tyty and Chris Evans have both read the first part of it, and they both loved it.

I was standing outside the choir room after school today, and Bridget Brewer punched me right in my dried up titty, and it hurt. A few seconds later, Polly Anna runned up and hit me there, too, but it's ok, because it turned me on when she did it. But, it still hurts right now, and I think it's gonna be hurting for a while, and I like it.

No one would go to Taco Bell with me after school today, so I had to just come home and eat some stuff.

Something of the Old, but New

I thought this was kinda funny. Whatever.

jErOmEMCeLrOY 05 (11:02:13 PM): i'm tired
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05 (11:02:20 PM): are you tired?
It's Michael Jackson! (11:02:25 PM): yep
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05 (11:02:31 PM): you need to get a dog
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05 (11:02:52 PM): because i don't think anyone else would ever wanna sleep with you
It's Michael Jackson! (11:03:21 PM): thanks blair, i'm done talking to you now
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05 (11:03:29 PM): alright
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05 (11:03:31 PM): goodnight

Episode 813: Cartman's Incredible Gift

After sustaining a severe head injury, Cartman appears to have the power to see into the future. South Park detectives are quick to enlist his help in cracking unsolved murder cases and Cartman is more than willing to help, for a price. In the meantime, a group of “licensed” psychics cry foul when Cartman refuses to join their ranks.

Time to Fuckin'

Adam Sandler. What the hell? Spanglish? Is it just me, or are Adam Sandler movies getting more and more stupid as time goes by. I remember a time, way back in the day, when Adam Sandler had some good movies. What the fuck happened? I know I haven't seen Spanglish, but the fucking shit on TV, and 50 First Dates was horrible. Shit!!!!

I finally had some improvements in our meet tonight. I went a 56 something in the 100 free and 55 something in the 400 free relay. I was pretty happy with this. I'm almost back down to where I used to be. I kick ass!!!

We've got to bring in a new draft of our paper tomorrow. I am not sure what I should do about that. Maybe I could just shoot myself in the face. It's not color of the rainbow; it's the sharpness of the staves.

Did Someone Leave a Window Open?

Shit! Shit! Shit!
So many good stories about my rough draft to tell.
Miss Couden seemed slightly upset with it. I got to class and we split up into our peer-edit groups, and then she comes over and takes my paper away from Melanie Poehner (she was the one proofreading it) and read some of it. Then she told me to sit in the corner. A few minutes later she pulled me out of the classroom and started talking to me about my recent writings. What I got from our little conversation is that she is growing tired of my humor, and I need to start trying to be a little more funny in order to keep her from writing me up. Melanie approached me after school and told me how good she thought my paper was. She didn't seem to share Miss Couden's feelings on how awesome my paper is. She told me it all seemed like a good paper, except for the few words that she found to be inappropriate. When I got home from school, my dad was on the phone with Miss Couden. I didn't hear much of the conversation, but I did hear my dad say he would contact my doctor and find out if my medication could be causing my strange behavior. I hope my doctor says it is the medication, because I could then keep doing crazy shit all the time and just say it's the medication. Success!

Rough Drafted

Spousal abuse. That's the topic of my English paper right up in here. I wanted to do inappropriate student-teacher relationships, but Miss Cowden wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't let me do inbreeding or bestiality, either. So, fuck. This is what I'm doing, and I'm trying to do my best with it. I know it can't ever be as good as my gay rights paper, but what. It's supposed to be like five pages long or something, but my rough draft is only like a page and a half. So it goes.

Here it is. I'll post the final guy when I'm all done with it.

Spousal Abuse
Since the beginning of time, America has been known for the amount of women being punched in the face by their spouses. The only thing higher on the list is the amount of fat, ugly freaks. The cause of all the abuse: Some might say it is a lack of leadership. Others might say it is from a lack of God. And, of course, there are the few who claim to be out of order. Drugs, such as anabolic steroids, and alcohol are usually present in many reported cases in the United States each year. One should always remember, however, that spousal abuse cannot occur without the spouse. Therefore, it is always the woman’s fault.
In years long past, abused women were said to be like bananas, prisoners in their own abusive worlds. As time has moved on, more and more of these women have come forth, admitting to what they have been given by their leader. At an earlier point in time, they would surely have been murdered for committing such a heinous act. One big reason for all of this coming forward nonsense is the ever-increasing availability of new kinds of help.
It is very hard to give a description to an abusive spouse. A characteristic found in many cases is the abusive spouse being much taller and fatter than the abused. The man might have been trained to fight at one point or another in his life, being taught that it is manly to punch people in the face when they piss him off. Men who abuse their wives also tend to have much higher IQs than their wives, but that one really doesn’t count–men usually have higher IQs anyway. These men blame most of the abuse on their wives. They tell these women that it is their fault for not loving them. They tell the women they would not care what they do if they really loved them. Most of these women cannot quite comprehend the messages, though. This is why they end up getting blasted.
Homosexuals never have problems with abusive spouses. All homosexuals have low IQs. This is why they end up being gay in the first place. They are retarded.
Homosexuals have been marked as being gay. They are gay because they are happy. They are happy, because they are not afraid to be open about who they are and what they stand for. Men who are not openly gay are only lying to themselves. They get this anxiety built up inside of them. This anxiety continues to build up until it turns into anger. When they have enough anger, they find ways to vent it. They might turn to gambling, drinking, or having sex with as many chicks as possible to prove they are strait. When their wives start catching on, the men will try to destroy them in order to keep their secret a secret.
Many of these fighting men don’t want to do anything that would make them look at all feminine. They believe the man should be a man and the woman should do all the nurturing and whatnot. He thinks that if she gets out of line, it makes him look like a little girl, so he has to knock her ass out in order to keep his reputation.
Abusive men tend to almost have a split personality. They can be the kindest of people at one point and the craziest mo-fos the next. They might talk nicely to their wives, and everything is going well, but then their fists start talking for them. Here’s what they say: "Say somethin, bitch!" So it goes.
That’s all.

MapQuest

I got a map, you guys. It shows where all the people who are looking at my blog are in green, and all the places of the people have looked at it in the past in red.

That's one more point for me, Sean. That's one more point for me.

Thesaurus Sounds like a Type of Dinosaur

I like this. Making a blog is a good way to keep your mind from wandering. When your mind isn't wandering, life is a lot less stessful when you aren't thinking about stuff.

My username on this guy is JohnWKerry. That is why all of my posts are signed, Chris Reeve is a good friend of mine, and it's funny.

I finished off the roast beef last night, so now I just have a bunch of cheese and bread.

The slumber party thing didn't work out. Amanda never called me back to tell me what her mom said. I tried to call her a few times, but she didn't answer her phone. I called Polly to see if she would wanna come to my slumber party, but I guess she wanted to play video games with her parents instead. Oh well. Maybe next time. What? Is that like finding Jesus or something?

Sean Pudson

I drew this picture of Sean Hudson in the library at my school a few days ago. I thought it would only be fair for me to put it in this guy, since Sean Hudson has been putting pictures of me in his.

Stuff

I added a bunch of stupid shit all over the place to make my blog look better than Sean Hudson's, so there.

Pinocchio

My brother and I were watching Pinocchio last night, and it was really funny. It had been forever since the last time I'd seen it, and I had forgotten how humorous the whole thing was. My favorite part of the movie would have to be the retarded cat with the huge mallet. I also enjoyed the jackass comment in there (that was a part I did remember). Anyway, the day after Pinocchio becomes a living guy, Geppetto sends him off to school. This made me think about how funny it would be if I went to school Monday and saw a guy made of wood walkng around all over the place. I mean, come on.

Amanda and I couldn't have a slumber party last night, because she had to go to bed early, because she had to get up really early to go take some SATs with Simon, so she's supposed to be asking her mom if she can do it tonight. I hope her mom says it's alright, because I really want to tie Amanda up and send her to the bottom of the lake.

Goodnight, Kevin.

The Word

Alright, you guys. Just in case you missed it, here it is: Jesus Part Two

Really Fuckin Pissed :)

I typed a huge fucking entry in here about an hour ago, and then when I made the South Park one, the old one suddenly disappeared. I'm gonna go ahead an retype the stuff I typed today tomorrow. I am really pissed off about that, and I swear I can smell huge dicks/big pussies right now. You guys are lucky there's a new South Park tonight, or I'd be killing all of you right about now.

Episode 812: Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset

All the fourth grade girls idolize a rich, famous and spoiled socialite. They even have her brand new toy set that comes complete with video camera, night vision filter, play money and losable cell phone. In an effort to impress their idol, the girls pursue the boys to make their own videos.

It's on in, like, less than an hour. You better be ready, you dick.

Fuckin' Shit

We just had our first swim meet tonight. It was about gay as fuck. Everyone was pissing me off and my times were about the same as they were in eighth grade. I was already pissed off enough from swimming really slow times, but I guess everyone thought they had to piss me off more by acting like I did a fuckin taco job. In the first relay I was in, I decided to give up, and we ended up getting second. Everyone was so happy about it--they were all going fuckin crazy: "Oh fuck Blaire! You were fuckin tits in that event right there! Will you please punch me in my head!?" Free Hat!