Mitch Hedberg is Mitch Dedberg

So, Mitch Hedberg died early Wednesday morning of what appears to have been a heart attack. Here are some pictures of him. I'll put some more stuff in this post just as soon as Hello! starts working again.

Mewtwo

Mew

Lights Go Down in the Shity Wok

The Orgazmo special edition DVD came out Tuesday. I looked all over town for it, and the only place that had it was Family Video, and the copy they had was only for rent. I ended up going to Greenwood with my brother to get it. I went to Goodwill after that and got two shirts and a new skirt.

When we got home, we watched the movie. Later on we watched it with the drunken commentary. At one point in the movie, you see Joe Young and his girlfriend (I don't know how to spell fiance) singing in their Mormon choir or something, but you can't hear what they're singing. Trey says something like, "Right here, we're singing Journey...Lights go down in the city." The title of the song is just "Lights," but it's alright. Here's my point: I went over to Stephanie's house yesterday (the day after Tuesday), and at really late P.M., Emily and Adam decided to download Ares onto Emily's computer. Emily then asked Stephanie what the song was that she wanted her to download. Stephanie then said, "It's Journey. 'The Lights Go Out in the City'." This was again very wrong, but I immediately started freaking out. Seriously. What are the odds of something like that happening. Time for some audioblogger?

Emily made a post about me in her blog. I'm not supposed to link to it, though, because no one is supposed to know about her blog.

Jason.

Owen.

That's all I have to say.

Megan

footsie - you like to goof around and laugh with
the people you care about.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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Pat O'Brien and Whitney Houston

you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit
brutal.


which happy bunny are you?
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Seventeen. You're Ready.

Your label is the Nice girl/guy. You tend to care
for others over yourself. However, many people
appreciate your caring side and would rather
stick by you than hurt you. But, there is a
downside. Some tend to abuse your kindness and
take advantage of you. You always try to see
the good in everyone and try not to hate.
Also, you have sharp insight and a great
personality. Calm, serene, and understanding,
you make a worthy friend and a valuble ally to
people in need. Don't change your sweet
nature, your constant being-there can save a
life.

I suggest your go into a field that
centers around working with others such as a
doctor, baby-sitter, psychologist, lifeguard,
or Teacher. If none of these occupations
interest you, it is okay then. I am sure that
there are plenty of oppertunities out there for
you.


What type of teenager are you?
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It's not Enough

Popular


What Kind Of Person Are You?
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I'm Taking Some Quizes

Cocktail


?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
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Your Hugs Make Me Happy

Gay Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Are you Stephen King?

Which Family Guy character are you?

Chinese. Japanese. Peyronie's. Check it Out.

I don't want to type a lot. It's not what I'm here for, so suck my dick (and I don't have Peyronie's Disease, it just rhymes).

I hope a giant whale jumps out of the depths of space and lands on Earth and kills us all.

Count it.

I can't wait till I get to hang out with Jason. I have a pretty good feeling I'll end up dead.

Don't Count your Testicles Before they Hatch

Give me one day to recover.

Executive Producers

I'm sitting here, watching How's your News? on my little sister's portable DVD player. This is supposed to be a funny movie. It's a documentary where a bunch of retarded travel around the U.S., interviewing people about stuff and stuff. I wanted to get this movie a long time ago, but I assumed it didn't really exist.

Something bad happened to my IT band the other day, and I haven't been able to run for the past few days.

Kellie subbed for Miss Couden the other day.

I drew a picture of Megan for Ben.

Did I already say that?

I went to see the Ring 2 with Kaitlyn Clark and Sean Pudson and Jon Lee last night. I enjoyed myself. We walked to Taco Bell, where we saw Kyle DeWitte. We went to my house, and then I ate a bunch of stuff and went to bed.

My dad took me to get some new shoes today. We went to Best Buy and he bought me Anchorman and How's your News?.

This movie is starting to piss me off, and someone owes me a picture.

Yeah?

Just look at all this stuff. It's ridicalus.



So, I'm sitting at the computer, right?, and Ani puts this thing on my face. I take it off and look at it, then I make one and put it on her face.



I'm hard at work on my swimming page.



Sarah is taking out the guy she put in my hair.



Still going.



Haha! Look at her stupid face.



Here I am, looking at a piece of paper.



All of a sudden, Audrey189 invites me over for a make-out party.



I accept her invitation.



Audrey189: Hold on. I think I just farted.



Blaire: Oh fuck! I think I'm choking on it.



Blaire and Audrey189: Oh my God! That train is headed right for us!



I'm doing well with Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It is very good, better than I had expected.



I found out the other night that Oasis did a cover of "Cum On Feel the Noize," so I jumped on KaZaA and downloaded that bitch.

Me (and by me, I mean I'll have sex with you)

I sometimes forget I still have friends that actually care about me somewhere in the world.

Taco Bell and Sour Cream (you know the rest)

Thanks for writing me back.

I Hate Goddamn Bananas

Corey finally put up those sexy pictures of me. Here's one. Here's the other. The water was really cold, so I jumped out pretty quick, and he didn't get any pictures of me while I was in there. Oh well. Better luck next time.

I went to grab for my Team America soundtrack last night, and it wasn't there. I am very upset about that. If anyone sees it, please return it to me. Download "Lisa and Gary." It's really good. I told my parents I wanted it played at my funeral, and they got kinda freaked out. But it is good, so have fun.

I was running late to school this morning, because I wanted to get on the internet. I decided it was time to leave after just a little while. I went out to the kitchen to find my brother cleaning up a lots of coffee off the counter. I asked him if we were leaving, and he got some more paper towel and told me he had to finish cleaning the shit up, so my dad wouldn't know where his coffee went. I got back on the computer, and my brother decided to have diarrhea. I asked him if I should wait, and he said I should. After about ten minutes, my brother told me to leave him. I left. Brother...oh no! was the excuse written by myself on the sign-in thing. I went to class, and I saw the black chick and Tamera or something, and then I kept finding grass in my hair. I read in AP bio, and Jim and I lifted like a couple of awesome bitches. In English, Ben and I talked to Megan. I ran, and it was alright. My feet got really numb again. I saw Sean Hudson while my feet were numb, and we talked. I ran back to the school, and I broke a watch. The pieces went flying everywhere, and I said, "I wasn't expecting that to happen." Coach Man was waiting on Sean to get back, and I told him Sean ran from his house, and we decided that Sean would probably run home and not to the high school. Coach Man left, and then Sean showed up. I talked to Sean for a little while, and then he showed me some nice abdominal workouts, and then I decided to take him home, and we saw Stan in the parking lot, and he talked to Sean about U of I and Bryce, and he said U of I was one of the schools he went to, and he said he really liked it there. I took Sean home, and I went home.

Roses are Dead

I got up.
I waited.
I read a little bit of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
I went to Stephanie's house.
Stephanie gave me a banana.
I asked Emily if she wanted a banana.
Emily told me I needed a banana.
Stephanie told me to eat the banana.
I kept taking bites, and watched them down with liquid so I wouldn't have to chew.
I ran out of grape stuff.
I had to chew a little bit.
I almost threw up.
We watched Spider-man 2.
I punched Stephanie in the face a few times.
Stephanie tore my pants.
I cut Stephanie's hair.
I did something else, and Stephanie doesn't know, and Emily won't tell her.
It was cold outside.
Cora told me to run.
I ran out, and didn't even get in my car, and I acted like I was running home.
I turned around before I got to the bridge and walked back.
I drove home.
I saw Russell and Kyle and Jordan and someone else, i think and another guy I don't even know, and I talked to them.
Russell told me about the ticket Kyle got.
I went home.
I ate a bunch of Ritz peanutbutter crackers.

Broken Things

I was getting ready for school the other day. My CD player fell on the floor. It usually works after it falls, but not this time. I tried to play it, and it makes a weird noise and says nO dISc. I've had this CD player for a little over seven years. It's played numerous Offspring and Bad Religion CDs over fifty billion times. It's gone now, just like your face.

I got up really early today to eat at Compton's with Stephanie. It was great.

I just did some crunches and other abdominal stuff and some bicep curls out to the side, and it's hard. You know what I'm talking about.

I'm going to Rob's house in just a few minutes. I'm not sure what to expect there, but I bet it'll be something good. After all, you fooled me; we can't get fooled again.

New Pic

I got a new picture on this, you guys. This one's much more recent.

You're not my Real Mom

My cough has become less.
My throat still hurts.
I've consumed a great deal of cough syrup today.
I'm really fucking tired.

Where is John Kerry when you need him?

I found out a few minutes ago that Stephanie Mae is pregnant with my child.

stephgahimer: i'm pregnant!
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: 4rill?
stephgahimer: yep
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: it's not mine, is it?
stephgahimer: it's yours
stephgahimer: you were the last person i fuked

It seems she has already picked out a name.

stephgahimer: i already have the name picked out if it's a boy
stephgahimer: gentry lennox

She also has a name picked out in case it's a girl.

stephgahimer: and if it's a girl, she will be named elsey mae

After seeing the first ultrasound, I am convinced we are having twins. Below is an image taken from the ultrasound.

(Censored by the United States government)

Tomorrow Today Tomorrow Today

I went to the doctor this morning. He tested me for some stuff. It was all negative. He wrote me some excuses for some stuff, and he wrote some stuff for some medications. He told me I shouldn't run again until next week.

When I got to school, I found out that my XL project made it to round two, as did Tyler's and Zip's and Paul's and Randal's and I think that's all.

We did the half-mile today in fitness. I had to beat two minutes and eighteen seconds, but I ran a twenty-six or a twenty-seven. I was hurting pretty bad after that, and I coughed for about a week.

After school, I followed Mr. and Mrs. Corey to Corey's house. I had never been to this area before, so it was a new experience for me. Corey asked me if I would like to come in and say hello to John. I told him I would love to, and we went in. John wasn't there, and I got pissed off. I noticed they had a pool. I asked if I could get in. Corey told me no. He told me John would let me, and he said I should just wait for him to get home. I later went out back, to jump in the pool. Corey got the camera and a towel. I took off all my clothes and jumped in the pool. My left hand hit the ice, and it hurt. The water was very cold, so I quickly jumped out. As I was drying off, a car drove by on the road o'er yonder. I raised my hand to wave and jumped up and down. I told Corey to post the pictures in his blog (sadly, my penis is in none of them). He assured me he would do that. I will post the link to the stuff as soon as he posts it. Hello.

Aunt Kathy

Episode 901: Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina

Mr. Garrison goes to great lengths to get what he's always wanted...a sex change. As he enjoys his new womanly attributes, the rest of the town gets in touch with their inner feelings too. Meanwhile, Kyle wrestles with the fact that Jews just aren't good at basketball.

A Blog to End All Faggots

I'm sick. Kyle told me not to run today. He said I should see a doctor. My throat hurts, and it's pissing me off. I've been getting up in the middle of the night, because I can't sleep. When I get up, I yell and feel like I'm about to cry. Sunday night, I got up to get some Gatorade, and I sat out there in the room for a little while, drinking my stuff. When I was in my bed (the whole time before and the whole time after), I kept thinking I was with these guys again, and we were hanging out by the boys club, reading each others blogs. This kept me from getting the sleep I wanted and desperately needed. I finally started feeling drowsy when I tried to imagine walking into Shelbyville with some black guys, but then it was time to get up and go to school. That morning, my mom asked me if my sister was up with me in the middle of the night. She said she heard someone running through the hall, screaming.
Monday night-slept a little.
Tuesday night-got up at about two, and watched TV and ate some chicken breast with mashed potatoes and gravy and had some water with blue pills, then went back to bed.

Yesterday, Tuesday, again, I decided not to run in the cold weather. Coach Man sent me back to the high school to talk to Kyle and ride a bike. When I got there, I saw many children in the weight room, making up missed gym classes. This reminded me that I had one gym to make up. Kyle told me to ride a bike for twenty minutes, keeping it over 100 rpm's. My twin, Blayr, was already in there, making up a gym. This was my first time ever being in this sort of situation, so I asked Bowmanchick what to do. She told me I had to ride a bike five miles or twenty minutes, whichever comes first. I said okay, and went over to write my name on the gym make-up thing. Blayr had been the last person to come, and was the last name on the list, except her name was like this: Blaire Green. So, I wrote, "Blayr Hartman." I went over and got on a bike, and told my twin all about it. I got on the bike and started riding. After about eighteen minutes, Bowmanchick came over and said, "Hey, you're done."
I said, "How far do I have to go?"
She said, "You only had to go five miles."
"I'm almost done then."
"You're already done. Look. This is how far you've gone(Bowman chick points to the mileage thing that reads: 7.8). You've gone too far."
I then started to pedal backwards, to get rid of the unwanted mileage.
Bowmanchick: Don't pedal backwards, just get off.
Blaire: I've got this.
Bowmanchick: you can just go whenever you're done.

I was about to leave school when this kid came over and asked for a ride. I told him I would take him home. I said, "My car's over on this side."
When we got out there, he asked, "How long have you been over here?"
I then asked, "On this side of the school?"
Then he said, "No. How long have you been over here from Germany?"
So, the kid thinks I'm from Germany, and the whole way to his house, I told him about life in Germany and my house parents and stuff. He didn't seem to doubt anything I said. I am a pretty good storyteller, though. I could probably make up stuff to fool anyone in a situation like this. Just look at my trophy.

I saw Clinton Coffey a whole bunch. I gave him lots of hugs, and I showed him my genitals (I've been showing lots of people my genitals lately). Today, I was walking out of school, and I saw him pulling up in the parking lot, and he jumped out, and I threw my binder, and we ran towards each other, and I jumped and he catched me, and he spinned around with me in his arms, and that's it.

Oh, yeah. One more thing. On our boulder run on Monday, we were heading back, and we were on that one long road, 250 south, I think, and the wind was coming at us very strong, and it carried the soud of a guy in a brown truck that plays ice cream truck music. Even though I couldn't see him, I knew he was watching over me.

Saved by the Bitch

Tonight, on "Extra," Mark McGrath boxed Sugar Ray Leonard. I wasn't watching very closely, but on one of the previews, I clearly saw Mario Lopez run up and do something to the camera in the background. He was wearing a red baseball cap and it was good. My brother noticed this, too. It made my day on all accounts. I was pretty excited. You should've seen me yelling. Wow. You guys suck.

...or a Deformed Kid

Lild4u2004: hey
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: hey
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: how are you?
Lild4u2004: good
Lild4u2004: wats ur asl
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: 8/f/fl
Lild4u2004: im13/f/ma
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: YES!!!!
Lild4u2004: wat is ur name
Lild4u2004: do u like boys
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: my name is shaina
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: and i like girls
Lild4u2004: wats ur number
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: what's your number?
Lild4u2004: 508-2871434
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: wow
Lild4u2004: wats urs
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: that's a big number
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: i don't know
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: we just moved from south carolina
Lild4u2004: call me after 900
Lild4u2004: 9:00
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: ok
Lild4u2004: bye
jErOmEMCeLrOY 05: bye
Lild4u2004: ok

Feel free to call this person. Seriously. Do it. Leave a comment explaining the call, too. It'll be fun. Everyone will love you.

WHATEVER IT IS...i didn't do it! It was Jesus.

We had a half-day on thursday. I went to taco bell with my brother and this Mexican kid named Richie. Richie was standing there, waiting for his food, while my brother and I ate our food. We were talking about the camera and robbing the place. I said, "Well, the camera's right there, facing that way, so you could just walk, shoot the camera, and then rob the place." We all laughed, and then this older guy with white hair, standing in line, said, "So, where do I stand?" It was funny. He had his hand in his factory jacket or what ever when he said it, and I liked it. I wish I woulda gotted his e-mail.

Sickness/Brain Tumor/Schizophrenia/Whatever

I got up in the middle of the night. It was really weird, but I didn't realize that until I got up this morning. It happened like this: I jumped out of my bed; I walked over to my entertainment area, and I pulled out my VCR/DVD player; I unhooked the two cables that were connected to it as fast as I could; I tried to put it on the floor, but the power chord was still in the outlet behind everything, and the chord wasn't long enough to allow me to set it on the floor; I decide I didn't want to unplug the guy, because it would be too much work; I put it back in its place, sideways, because I don't know; I made sure it wouldn't fall out; I washed my hands; I pissed; I washed my hands again; I went back into my room; I wanted to see what time it was, but the guy was sideways, so I couldn't see the clock; and I got back in bed.

When I woke up this morning, I looked over and saw that my VCR/DVD player was sideways (I need to take a picture of it), and I remembered instantly the episode from the middle of the night. It kinda scared me, because I remembered it so clearly, and I know I wasn't asleep when I did it, and I don't know why I did it, but I'm pretty sure there was a reason, because I was in a hurry to get it, and I didn't think it was weird then, so maybe I was asleep and I just...

It's like the answer is right on the edge of my brain, and I can't pull it back in.

Anyway

I leaned up against the counter to keep from falling. I sat on the toilet to go potty. I washed my hands, and decided to go get some Gatorade because of my dehydration. I was walking out to the kitchen and had to stop and rest on the couch for a few minutes. I got my Gatorade and carried it to my bed. I drank it and then laid in my bed for a while. In the morning, my mom asked me if I was sick. I told her I was. I stayed home. I watched the history channel for about five hours. My dad made me some Whitecastle cheeseburgers. Later he went to Wendy's to get me some food, and then I had Arby's later that night. I talked to Emily, and then I did some stuff, and that's about it.

Oh, Wait, You don't have a Dad

I went to bed with a headache wednesday night. As I was doing my homework Thursday night, my head started hurting again, and I felt swollen, and I knew I'd be missing school the next day. I got up in the middle of the night, because I had to go potty really bad. It was a long walk from my room to the bathroom, and I'm bored, and I don't want to do this right now. Fuck it.

Hyssopus officinalis

I feel sick, and I don't wanna do anything right now, and I have to finish my bio paper, but I just wanted to put this right quick. I was researching my plant, Hyssopus officinalis, and I found that it is effective in treating and tumors. A coincidence? Absolutely.

Copyfat Killer

A few days ago, I made this post about our good time. It is really good, but that's not the point. The point is this: Jon Lee made a similar post. Jon's post not only mentions me, but it also has some joking around that you won't get until you've thoroughly read mine. I didn't want this attempt to go unnoticed, and that's why I've worked so hard to make it easier on you. Long days and pleasant nights.

Thanks for the Update, Ben Green

I braided Kylie's hair a little bit today. It was pretty sweet.

On my way back to the school, on my run, I was passed by Sean Hudson's old friend, the old guy that drives the brown truck with the ice cream guy music and the spinny thing on the back bumper. It was the closest I've ever been to that guy. I hope to run into him again soon, so I can confront him and reveal his true identity.

I wish someone would kill me. Haha!

Fuck you guys.

Cinema of the State

So, I guess Blink isn't really broken up.

I guess.

I went to school and was awesome all day.

Alex showed me a new lift for my bicepts.

I taught that one guy how to bench and squat and do some other things.

I went to Lindsay's house. I wore my Triton Elementary t-shirt, and I told her to wear hers. She gave me some nice pants to wear. She wore her shirt. I wore a scarf around my neck. I looked like a faggot. We went to the place. Shelbyville beat the blue guys. We waved to Sally. After the game, we went out to my car, and Lindsay got in, and as I was getting in, these chicks ran up to me and asked to see my penis, so I showed them my penis, and they got really turned on. When Lindsay called me, I was watching "Family Guy." It was "Death is a Bitch." That was the episode, and it had been a while since I had seen it. While we were at the game, she asked me if I remembered the part from the Family Guy with Death, and she wasn't able to finish the question, because I knew exactly what she was talking about, and I explained the situation to her. I have to remember to go back to my show choir post and add her name to it before she notices it's not there again.